Noob here.

I'm a British expat living in the middle-of-nowhere, China. I've been using online dating apps to chat to girls. I get a lot of attention but this very rarely results in getting me laid. In fact I rarely manage to successfully arrange a meet up. My problem (apart from being a total vagina) is that my Mandarin is not very good. Their English is non-existent. I have an advantage online, where I can look up words I don't know, but in verbal conversation you either know it or don't know it, and more often than not, I don't know it.

Has anyone had a similar experience? Apart from learning more Chinese, what can I do in the meantime to improve my sorry efforts? Inviting girls out for coffee or dinner or anything else verbal intensive is clearly a mistake. Should I plan activities that don't require much verbal communication (if so, what?)? Or should I be more direct and just invite girls to my apartment? (Bearing in mind that Chinese girls are usually a bit more reserved than Western girls).

I'm the only foreigner in this town so I'm pretty damn lonely and bored. Any advice would be really appreciated!

What's up man,

There are a few things you can do:

- Make it more of a "study" situation for your chinese
- Do more physical activities (rock climbing, etc.) that require body language but not so much of the verbal variety.

I'm willing to bet there is a very big international community nearby (or are you stuck in the boonies?). Here in Japan there's a massive group of expats and/or english speaking Japanese women. Any way you can tap into this, more than anything just to cultivate your social life.

Just remember it takes time. I showed up in Japan when I spoke enough Japanese to get by and it still took me about 4-5 years to really establish friendships, much less decent relationships. I feel like the sentiment towards foreigners from locals is that there is always an element of intrigue (not to mention, a western penis on average will outdo an asian one) so you always have that going for you.

There IS something intimate about connecting with a person you can barely communicate with.

I think the best bet might be to try and double up some of these dates as language lessons. It softens the blow when you ask so the gut reaction of NO will be a bit less frequent. Most women will know if ur full of shit and just want to hang anyways so when a girl says OK, you can assume there is SOMETHING there for you to cultivate.

Good luck man

Thanks for the input man. Now every attractive girl in the area is going to be offered language exchange.

What city are you living in ?

I know about Ningbo - they have a nice expat scene because Nottingham Uni is there. Alot of places party.

Also Shanghai, Beijing its not much of a language barrier.

--

I would suggest Quit Dating websites many of them are trolls and the genuine ones it will be very difficult to meet them in person. Don't waste your time online.

Try to befriend a Chinese guy who knows the shit and you'll be good.

Go out to bars, maybe join some activity gym / dance - anything that suits you.

If you're in Shanghai check out - Flair at Ritz Carlton - Super Expensive but quality women - mostly gold diggers though

And it's easy relatively easy to get laid in China (depends on the city) if you're from the West.

Alas I don't live in a city. I live in Anhui province -- at the outer reach of civilization. Planning to move to Taipei in a few months. Life (and women) should be easier there.

Okay, here's a fact for you: Asians go nuts for caucasians. In China you're like the rarest thing around which means you can pretty much have any woman you want there but their social norms are totally different to ours, they won't put out as easily as women in Western Society and they don't get drunk like we do. I believe their socialising takes place in karaoke bars and restaurants so there won't be much alcohol involved or clubs and bar hopping.

So, with that in mind how about you hook up with someone and be honest about it. Or don't even try to hook up with them. Say you want to learn the language and you're looking for someone to exchange dialogue with to improve your Mandarin. This way they know what to expect, you know what to expect and there's zero pressure to actually know the language straight off. On the date you can whip out your phone for the words you find hard to pronounce and use Google Translate, passing your phone back and forth between you. In between this just tease her and show her you're awesome and not afraid to have a little fun. She'll already be attracted to you and this bonding through study alone together will only draw her more towards you. If she doesn't, at least you've got a Chinese friend who can introduce you to more friends so you can broaden your social circle.