Hi,

I've made the experience that I am a way better chatter than dater. I have good written language skills and can be hilarious in chat. In person I am much more "brain-heavy" and steer towards deep topics that interest me (and the girl) but do not help in building rapport on a first date.

Example: I met a girl from POF, an English Phd student in my vicinity (1h drive). We had a tremendously good chat. Over the course of three days she was totally "in". She came over to my town which I see as quite an invest.

The date was OK, but not great and definitely fell short of the expectations. I still do think she's likeable and hot (not exactly because she's beautiful but because I like being around her(, she think's I am very comfortable to be around --- but she didn't feel "the spark" and told me so, when I took her hand. She explained that she's looking for love on the first sight because all the guys she's been with were old friends she suddenly felt attractive. Sound reasonable, but I don't think everything that is reasonable must necessarily be true.

Now I can blame myself all day long for missing the opportunity for a good pickup, but I'd rather know: How to proceed? Is this worth a second date? She would like to see me again "But don't have anyexpecttions". I would have to drive to her and we'd probably play a game of Squash and hit the pub afterwards. I feel more at ease in this venue because I talk less about philosophical stuff when I am playing Squash and she is cool to be around. Still,is it possible to overcome a medicore first date?

And how do I keep the attraction from the chat alive if I am a little bit stiffer in my personal conversation?

Thanks

Mono

The fix here is easy. Chat much less and date more. This is a common issue where guys chat too much and build themselves up too much and then fail to deliver. Don't fail to deliver. This is one of the biggest pet peeves women have online is when guys build themselves up only to be total duds in real life. Don't build yourself up too much, save something for real life. In this situation, she told you she wasn't interested; move on.

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Well, here's an important question:

Did YOU feel a spark?

You went on and on about how she took the whole situation but never said anything outside "she's hot and fun" trust me man, I've been with tons of "hot and fun" girls who quickly get boring after you bone them. Why are you so fixated on what she thinks of you instead of making up your mind about what you think of her in order to know what to do next?

The answer is easy, if you like her, try again, maybe there's something there, if not, the just bail and find another girl. However, since she didn't feel anything, it's possible there's no chemistry between the two of you and you simply didn't notice it because you were too focused on "your game" instead of her.

Also, I agree with The Fury on talking less, talking is the focus of a date, but you should get her talking about herself some more.