I would really like to start going out in the field to practice things that I've read. But when it comes to it I'm just terrified to even go out alone. I don't even get to the point where I have to approach someone.

When I go out with friends, we play games. We think of openers for eachother and point out girls that we have to approach. And when all my friends are watching me I have no problem opening someone, but that's just for having fun. I want to learn how to close.

My problem is that when I think about going out alone I get really demotivated and I really prefer to just be on my own all night. That's safe.

At one time I actually managed to push myself to go out alone. It was around 21.30 when I entered a nice pub. It was still early on in the evening so there were no more than 15 people. Maybe a group of friends, and a few groups of 2 (Male/female, female/female and male/male). I sat down at the bar, ordered a soda. At this point I felt really uncomfortable. I froze. Everything I managed to do was watch my phone, sending some messages and scrolling my Facebook wall. After I finished my coke I left and went home.

Any tips about pushing myself to go out? But most importantly, how I can get myself in a comfortable mood before going out?

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On going out alone, I'm somewhat of an expert. Done it hundreds of times.

Firstly, focus on relaxation. My first trips out were to practice not having panic attacks just from being around people. Learn meditation, Rsdtyler has a video on YouTube. Watch it.

Secondly, don't stay alone. I usually walk in, case the place on the way to the bathroom and head to a seat after. Plant into a seat the is near the server station and one seat away from someone sitting alone. As you are sitting open with a "hey! Another lone wolf" or "hello guy at the bar." Offer your hand and your name.

Open the staff. Stay off your phone. Bored is good. Don't look around a lot. Sit up straight. Take up space and talk loudly. Say hello to everyone.

Forget about pickup, just talk to people. Keep going out and eventually a bar will become a familiar, comfortable environment.

This is awesome advice.
Try to also say hi to people while walking . People you pass by. If your on the train or on a bus try starting a conversation with someone . it's actually easier to do this by yourself then with friends becuase you don't have the distraction of your friends. I'd also suggest actually buying a beer or alcoholic drink it might make you feel comfortable in the sense that everyone else is ordering beer. You wouldn't bring a Mac to a Microsoft conevention so why would you buy a soda at a bar.

Another way to break through the anxiety of this is to run some daygame before going out. You'll then be in a very socially fluid state of mind and it will make it way easier to chat up random groups and others at the venue.

I often hit one place for a drink, open staff, some other randoms, but don't do any real approaches in tables looking to join in. Keep it short with low investment.

Go out earlier in the day, I mean between 4 and 6 PM. Order food. Use your phone and TV as a crutch. Open the bartender with something stupid such as "Have you guys been busy?" This indicates you're in the mood to talk and not just waiting for someone else. The best part about this is if nothing materializes after an hour or so, you go home as if it's totally normal. Nighttime is much harder because you don't really have plausible deniability as to why you are alone.

mastermind is right. i go out alone quite often myself. i don't get much results in terms of picking up girls (i'm quite a n00b), but i got to a point where i'm feeling quite comfortable going out alone. sometime it's actually better than going out with friends. my bigger problem is that i spend a lot of money on cover charge and drinks

so why is it better to go out alone?
firstly, it's a push out of the comfort zone, it forces you to be more social and to open other people.
secondly, being alone is less intimidating for other people to come and talk to YOU. so if you are peacocked seem like an interesting and friendly guy girls sometimes will approach YOU and definitely give you IOIs from across the room.

i usually get there early when not many people are at the bar, because i need time to warm up. sit at the bar (never at regular table - unless it's one of those very long oktoberfest tables) and talk to bartender. empty place = s/he not busy - easier to talk and build rapport and warm up. then people come and sit next to me i greet them (doesn't matter if they're male or female - i'm just aquiring "insta-friends", they're just my table neighbours).. that's it. once i have built my "base camp", and feel comfortable in it, it relaxes me a bit so it is easier to work my way from there.

Given the lack of material on this matter, it is interesting that we've discovered the exact same method.

I would venture to guess these are the basic instincts of human interaction.

I'm training as a CBT therapist and most of the advice here is good, it's exactly what I'd be advising a client to do and what all the books would say.

Break it down into steps and gradually work up to bigger exposures. Get comfortable being out alone, get comfortable being in a bar alone, get comfortable being in a club alone. Then start doing approaches when you've beat your anxiety about simply being on your own.

All the textbooks generally say at least a 20min exposure to whatever stimulates your anxiety before you eject to get any real benefit from it. No matter how uncomfortable you feel, just sit it out. As someone says, just be there, no phone, no Kindle, no newspaper. You'll probably feel like sitting in a quiet place, sit in the most conspicuous spot, spread out, take up space. You need to have a right to be there.

I found myself in exactly your position a few months ago and I used what I'd been learning on myself. A really good technique is to make a list of all the things that make you uncomfortable, rate them from 1 to 10 in discomfort. Start with the 1's and work your way up through the list until you're comfortable. Might take a few days or a few weeks but stick with it. I actually found I enjoyed just going out on my own for a drink or going to see a band or something after it. Doing approaches when you're already nervous about your environment is bad.

Strangely, the thing I found toughest was just walking into a place especially when there were bouncers on the door. I had this irrational feeling that I was doing something wrong or weird. The other hard thing is that you can end up too in your head. You need to warm up, like others said, game anyone from the bouncers and bartenders to just anyone. I've found myself talking to homeless people on the street. Gets you talking and it makes you feel good about yourself. Look around, there aren't that many people talking to bar staff.

I don't know where you live but I'm in the UK and I take a lot of cheap budget flights to cities in Europe alone. It's just to push myself and I try to do some game when away. I've had a great time, day game on your own in a foreign country is a real anxiety test.

Don't be terrified.You have received some great advice from some of the others posters.And rest-assured noone will judge you for being alone and woman will be more-likely to approach.It's like when you're out with a buddy and he goes to the bathroom...that's when a woman usually approaches.And when you're alone a woman will find you more approachable.

Hey man!

I completely understand your situation of being terrified to go out alone, because I've
already gone through all that shit myself. Your main problem is that you're stuck in the
situation where you're constantly forcing yourself into doing something that you don't
truly love and enjoy. If you did truly love it and enjoy it, you'd do it as effortlessly as
1-2-3 and you'd also not feel any kind of pressure or anxiety around it.

First things first. There're two important steps that you should take in order
to start getting your life back to the right path of reaching your true happiness
and your inner peace around meeting women:

1. You need to immediately stop doing everything that makes you feel under pressure or feel
forced into doing it, because chances are that what you've been busy with so far in your life
are not the things that you really and truly love and enjoy.

2. You need to invest some time and effort in pinpointing your true passions in life, because
without living your true passions you will definitely stay being extremely unhappy and anxious.

As for identifying your true passions, I'd warmly recommend that you read the bestselling book
"The Passion Test: The Effortless Path To Discovering Your Life Purpose" (by Chris
and Janet Attwood) that hugely enlightened me to the experience of my own breakthrough on
the same matter.

When it comes to knowing what you need to change and why you need to change it in order to
stop being stuck in your anxiety and constantly feeling under pressure with regards to both
improving your relationships with women and reaching your overall true happiness in your every
day life, I'm now going to try to inspire you to start thinking in the right direction of getting
there as soon as possible.

A good way for me to inspire you to start thinking in the right direction is to share with you
one of my favorite Bruce Lee's quotes that says:

"We do not become, we simply are."

Chances are that what initially pushed you into that frustrating anxiety around going out alone
just to meet random women, are most likely the following two things:

a) trying very hard to become somebody who you are not while desperately trying to
adopt and live by the model of behavior that doesn't really suit your true personality, and

b) getting seduced into believing that picking up an endless number of women just to have
sex with them is really something that you could call part of your true happiness or passion,
while in fact, this very activity is nothing but part of a pure obsession that you don't truly
enjoy and that in the first place you've subconsciously got forced to believe that you should
enjoy no matter what, because somebody taught you that this is the way of how you become
that ideal alpha man.

What I'm trying to point out to you here is that like many other guys including myself who ended up
in the pickup arts community mainly because our self esteem got badly hurt sometime during our early
age and all we're now trying to do is just lift it up or fix it through gaining a kind of sexual gratification
based on sleeping with as many women as possible in our lifetime, you seem to be stuck in exactly
the same kind of situation.

Before I go on telling you a little bit of my story, let me ask you a simple question.

Have you ever asked yourself that important "Do I really enjoy it?" question
when trying to attract and pick up women?

Asking myself this question was a huge light bulb moment in my life, because it helped me realize
that everything I was doing in the area of attracting and picking up women for years was purely
the result of just acting under the pressure - the unnecessary pressure of constantly forcing myself
into doing what I didn't really love and enjoy at all.

What made me keep forcing myself to boldly approach random women just to pick them up as my
sexual objects was both my initial belief that doing it was part of my true passion and also my
adopted pickup arts conditioning that was constantly pushing me into my sexual advances with
random women just for the sake of not feeling guilty of missing out on any pickup opportunities
when I get back home later.

Guess what. I was wrong when trying to identify my true passion.

All my sexual advances that I was constantly forcing myself into were a pure obsession that
I now like to call my false passion.

My pickup and sex obsession started mainly as the outcome of dating related peer pressure
from my childhood.

I got stuck in this obsession for two reasons:

a) I initially didn't fit in the social circles of my peers because I didn't really like most of
their behaviors, and

b) my inner resistance toward the peer pressure grew so much that I gradually got myself
into thinking of creating my own international playboy lifestyle surrounded by the most
beautiful women that I'd have lots of fun and sex with for the rest of my life.

As a result, my pickup and sex obsession got me stuck in a long-term sexual addiction with
the symptoms of the two most common men's mental disorders known as borderline personality
disorder and narcissistic personality disorder.

Now here's an important thing that I'd really like you to understand.

The situation where you feel anxious and reserved about approaching random women is actually
not a bad thing. Let me explain.

Your approach anxiety is like your guardian angel protecting you from getting stuck in the kind
of obsession I told you about a minute ago. It's there to protect you from getting in the bad habit
of constantly feeling under pressure of having to necessarily approach and pick up random women
wherever you go. It's also there to protect you from being fed up with and feeling guilty of missing
out on the opportunities to approach and pick up women.

Here're two reasons why your approach anxiety is your best friend and why you should not try
to beat it or overcome it in any way:

1) Again, your approach anxiety is there to save you from getting trapped in the situation that
you wouldn't naturally feel comfortable with and wouldn't really enjoy it in a long run. By the way,
I'm saying "in a long run" because most of us when we get stuck in chasing an obsession,
we're seduced to believe that what we're doing is really something that we fully love and enjoy
doing.

2) Trying to beat your approach anxiety by getting in the habit of boldly approaching
as many random women in a day as possible is not only a form of validation seeking but
also something that will push you into an endless out-of-control, self destructive and
compulsive sexual behaviors that are characteristic of the behaviors of guys who suffer
from borderline and narcissistic personality disorders.

By the way, I'm neither a psychiatrist nor a psychologist but just a guy like you who got
involved in the pickup community just to learn the game while never thinking of any mental
health dangers as the result of doing it.

Today I'm proud to say that I have a solid knowledge about the two most common men's
mental heath disorders that come purely as the outcome of practising the pua game: borderline
personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder.

As you can guess, I got into the trouble of learning about these mental disorders because my
severe approach anxiety (that I'd never ever experienced before) was getting worse and worse
and making me feel so distressed even at the times I was about to just take a short trip to my
local supermarket to buy something that I really felt I was not only losing my mental health but
also losing my whole self at such a fast speed that was out of my control.

In short, my one year long mental health educational journey got me to learn the 3 main
causes of all my pains and struggles linked with being involved in the game:

a) the first thing that got me in the habit of constantly pushing myself to boldly approach random
women in different social situations was my approach anxiety, because my approach anxiety
subconsciously became my main motivational trigger that was making me boldly approach
random women especially in high-risk social situations.

The more approach anxiety I felt, the more encouraged and motivated I was to approach a
random woman no matter what kind of situation she was in and who she was potentially with
at the time.

b) the second thing that got me in the same unhealthy habit of constantly forcing myself to
boldly approach any random woman that I was sexually attracted to was an abnormal sense
of entitlement. I later realized that I'd absorbed this sense of entitlement and got it to become
part of my personality through the process of learning the game since most pua trainers often
teach guys to feel entitled to freely approach any woman they like.

As the result of my mental health research, I learned that one of the main behavioral traits
of the guys who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder is exactly the same kind of
unhealthy sense of entitlement when boldly approaching random women anywhere they go.

c) the self-destructive habit of constantly forcing myself to boldly approach random women
in dangerous, high-risk situations is one of the main behavioral traits of sociopaths and the
guys who suffer from borderline personality disorder.

In short, the most common symptom of the men suffering from borderline personality disorder
is boldly engaging in dangerous life situations. In terms of dating and picking up women, this
refers to any kind of out-of-control, compulsive sexual behavior where a man often stupidly
exposes himself to an unnecessary risk or danger of getting harmed in one way or another,
because he starts to feel guilty if he doesn't take the challenge of getting himself involved
in such situation.

By the way, what I've just shared with you are also the symptoms of sexual addiction.

So, this is exactly how my initial pickup and sex obsession turned into a long-term sexual
addiction with the symptoms of borderline and narcissistic personality disorders.

And, here's the conclusion I got to after I finally got myself out of this whole trouble.

I got stuck in the vicious circle of anxiety-driven, out-of-control, compulsive sexual behaviors
around meeting women for years purely because of my childhood's hurt self-esteem that I
desperately wanted to lift up by sleeping with as many women in my entire lifetime as possible
just to be able to defiantly show off to my peers how sexually powerful and successful with
women I was.

The bottom line is this: You're very likely to end up both being constantly unhappy with yourself
and getting addicted to doing various unnecessary things that you don't really love and enjoy when
you don't follow and live your true passions which are the things that you actually love and enjoy.
Once you start living closely aligned with your true passions, you'll end up waking up every morning
super excited and fulfilled while having both that important clarity of what your next steps are and
a clear vision of your dream success. As a result, your desired inner peace will naturally fall into
place.

Hope you find this post enlightening and helpful.

Bruno

_________________
FREE Report: "From False Passion For Picking Up Women Through Sexual Addiction To Redemption"

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Ex pua bruno,

I read your post and psychologically, it sounds like you know what you are talking about. The amount of narcissists involved in pick up culture is probably overwhelmingly huge in my opinion, so good luck getting to them with your message. They will breeze right through your message, shrug with a little insecure laugh, find a way to change their track of mind and continue on banging the girl you had your eye on and failed with. Also my take, not putting words in your mouth.

Unfortunately, what I do not agree with is that an AFC can continue not being sort of like a narcissist and find a way to get the girl of his dreams unless that girl is a HB7 or he gets really lucky. If he continues to be true to himself and his true self is not attractive to women hotter than HB7s, he will never find that girl unless he settles for less. Women like narcissists and sociopaths because women are usually too stupid to understand the difference between being high status and being sociopathic. They wont last in the long run but they will steal all the girls you want, followed by another and another and another.

Women love men who they can talk to their girlfriends about because they actually have nothing else to talk about. Usually. Almost always if they are HB8 or higher. Ever hear a girls conversation? Its always about guys or girls every time in my experience. No worldly topics or philosophical or intelligent convos, just talking about other people. incredibly sad when you really think about it... ughghgn it hurts to think about it.

Essentialy pua's are giving into the pathetic existence of the female mind, and adapting to them no matter how sad they are. We all need to get laid. When you get to that point of wow, being myself and getting women do not mix, thats when stuff begins to suck. I have recently learned so much about myself and I love it! But I havent had sex in 4 months. Over 30 women in the last 5 years, but this cold streak is COLD. I am still happier than before, but I want to sleep with a hot woman so bad like I used to when I used planned material. Its so stupid and pathetic, but it works while changing the world horribly in the process. So what now? Just say alright no more sex but I will be me. ugh.

I think there is some true to what Bruno said, my cousin is used to be go to nightclubs all the time, and getting laid all the time, and getting 3somes and so on...

If you ask me I consider pretty noob myself, yet, I think its all a matter of having some some balance in life, like don`t just use your entire life to seduce women, like looking for jobs were you can bang the most women, and son on. I think its important to do the things you want to do in life, cause if later on you are stuck in a shitty job you will hate your life. I know many people who just cause the only thing they care is to bang girls, they put little effort on their careers. I still think you can bang girls being more honest about yourself, like you won`t start talking courses on dance just to fuck a girl... if you hate dancing...instead you could learn something you like, such as violin, computers, and so on. The world is really full of women ... there are trillions of women, so just chase the ones you have more affinity with... if you just chase women just cause they are hot, you will end up wasting time, getting tons of headaches... lets say that you get up to a nightclub...and you see 200 hot girls, try to see who you connect with the most. For instance when I notice that girls are cold towards me, I don't waste my time with them... I just approach the girls, that I know I will feel good talking too and also the girls that are easy to fuck for me... I am ok with fucking normal girls,

Girls are all the same... treat them as people and you will be able to fuck any girl you feel affinity with ...