I came to a conclusion that my main problem that is causing my AA, social anxiety, submissiveness, depression etc, is fear of confluct.
When i was in primary school i used to be bullied by the whole school, and my family instead of teaching me how to defend myself they would protect me and induce me the victim spirit.
So, now i realize that after all these years, i have a blueprint in my mind that makes me have fear of fighting with anyone so i tend to agree with them even when i dont, or simply not say my opinion out loud because of fear of confrontation.
I know its silly, specially when i have some martial art training, i have a big body (1.84m and i started to work out a lot thhis summer), and i know in my rational mind that i could simply kill most of those people with a punch, but in my subconscious i have the fear of getting hit, or getting involved in a fight or being humiliated, dunno...
This is the root of all my problems because it branches out to all aspects of social interaction, not just girls:
WHen im in the middle of a class, and for example some one is annoying me, instead of standing up and confront them i tend to stay shut in and "afraid" and something happened recently that made me realize how grave this is.
So i want to fix this shit but i dont know how.. is this even fixable? Anyone has\had had the same experience?
- English is not my main language, so don't mind my mistakes pls.