fear of conflict :\

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 Post subject: fear of conflict :\
PostPosted: Sat Nov 05, 2016 5:29 pm 
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Joined: Sun Sep 04, 2016 11:20 pm
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Location: Portugal
I came to a conclusion that my main problem that is causing my AA, social anxiety, submissiveness, depression etc, is fear of confluct.
When i was in primary school i used to be bullied by the whole school, and my family instead of teaching me how to defend myself they would protect me and induce me the victim spirit.
So, now i realize that after all these years, i have a blueprint in my mind that makes me have fear of fighting with anyone so i tend to agree with them even when i dont, or simply not say my opinion out loud because of fear of confrontation.
I know its silly, specially when i have some martial art training, i have a big body (1.84m and i started to work out a lot thhis summer), and i know in my rational mind that i could simply kill most of those people with a punch, but in my subconscious i have the fear of getting hit, or getting involved in a fight or being humiliated, dunno...

This is the root of all my problems because it branches out to all aspects of social interaction, not just girls:
WHen im in the middle of a class, and for example some one is annoying me, instead of standing up and confront them i tend to stay shut in and "afraid" and something happened recently that made me realize how grave this is.
So i want to fix this shit but i dont know how.. is this even fixable? Anyone has\had had the same experience?

- English is not my main language, so don't mind my mistakes pls.

 Post subject: Re: fear of conflict :\
PostPosted: Sat Nov 05, 2016 9:30 pm 
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Joined: Thu Jul 07, 2016 2:14 am
Posts: 90
Fear of conflict arises from too much thought regarding outcome of the conflict. You need to give up on the outcome. Don't think about whether you will win or lose - instead do what's right and believe that you will win. You can't always win fights - whether physical fights or what have you. Trying to always be perfect is absolutely unattainable. Instead, CALM DOWN, and recognize that you are not always perfect but a great guy nonetheless. You GOT TO read the lastest version of Mark Manson's book, it will tell you more about vulnerability. Eddie Fews and Michael Chief also good resources. I want to add that you should stop masturbating. Your erratic thought process signals to me that you are masturbating. You ought to stop because semen includes brain cells so you are literally destroying your brain by doing that. Hey, stop posting for now, don't come back until you read. A lot of questions will be answered there.

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