My fear is that the approach will result in unknown and hard to measure social repercussions.
It's mostly based on not knowing what is going to happen exactly after the fact, and how I will be seen and how my social value will be perceived from that point on.
Will she tell all her friends that I hit on her and how she is such a non slut and told me to buzz off?
Stuff like that. This kind of AA I have is very strong. I don't consider that I have AA per se, if I could solve this dilemma I would not have no AA at all, and would approach fearlessly in any situation that did not pose a threat to my physical integrity. Unfortunately I didn't find a solution for this, nor do I feel I ever will, unless I start literally not giving a fuck about what anyone think about me.
But that's what, I don't to be seen as a try hard, as a guy who approaches girls. Because I am sure that changes the social environment around me, and people will make special social rules for me.
Well there is a lot included on this course of what to do to keep the process going, and included is another course called all you need to get a girl's number(with 12 plus videos on the process of approaching, opening, body language, basics, etc). I also include a mini-confidence course in it that's not talked about, to help guys with things like caring what other people think.
That said you sound like you have a problem with the spiritual ego (Eckhart sense of the ego not Freud), here is a link on a spectacular article that helps with dealing with worrying too much about what others think of you: http://deoxy.org/egofalse.htm
As far as tactics and having to make an ass out of yourself with girls, including some humiliation here and there, rejection, etc. that is part of the process unfortunately you have to give some to get some. Give some bad experiences to get some amazing experiences. The good news is when you approach a woman properly in a respectful good way, most of the time even if she's not interested she'll let you off pretty nicely. There are some bitches but not that many.
Our of curiosity what kind of environment do you live in that you feel the repercussions would be so devastating if you approached a woman and you didn't close the show?
What's your perspective on women and how they feel about sex, guys, attraction?
How do you feel about yourself as far as your level of attraction, deep down do you feel your a good looking attractive guy?
Give me a little more maybe I can give you a hand with this.
Peace and Love,
Very nice article you linked to, it is part of my problem definitely. It has something to do with my ego fragility for sure. But I don't feel it is the worst problem. Also, I am not sure how to make the insights I have gathered from the article practical.
BY the way, I don't feel much of a problem about making an ass out of myself, being humiliated and even rejected, as long as it doesn't happen an extreme amount of times. My problem is when that interaction has an impact on other interactions, due to maybe the fact that other people seen me approaching, or that the girl I approach will tell people about what I did. If I knew any interaction, especially the ones that may impact me negatively is kept intimately by the girl I had the interaction with, I would feel very confident and just see my goofiness as a funny moment I had with 1 person, instead of seeing it as a story that may be passed around.
That's not what scares me though. Even if other things might be present, the source of my fear is the strong belief that taking certain steps in the direction of approaching women, and being sexual, and escalating etc, will result in negative repercussions towards me, and therefore it will decrease my survivability and my perceived social value.
I imagine things like, girls not wanting to associate with me due to fear of being considered sluts, and guys adapting their behavior in ways that make it harder for me to access women, since I am perceived as sexually active.
Do you get the idea? Of course the environments that scare me the most, are the most local environments, and I mean the closest friends, school, college, workplace etc
If I know the environment I am in is not conducive of bad future repercussions to my social value my Approach Anxiety will not be 0, but it will become very manageable, I will consider it a non problem.
I have explained to you the way I rationalize it, perhaps you could say that I rationalize it this way because on the inside I have deeper issues, or maybe it's the other way around, it's simple because I rationalize things this way that I fear approaching. I do strongly believe that my problem is thinking that I will suffer later negative repercussions for my actions.
I don't feel very comfortable rating myself in terms of attractiveness, all I can say is that sometimes I do feel very attractive, others not so much, it's not something very stable.
As far as what women think about guys, I have no idea to be honest, I feel that to be an alien concept, sometimes I lean towards the philosophy that they are just like guys, others I tend to feel they are the complete opposite. In all honesty, I have no concrete idea what happens inside of a women's mind.
Well, I will say this much more often than not we're not the center of attention, while I've seen plenty of guys get shot down, most of the time no one is watching unless there was something crazy that happened and it attracted a lot of attention. Think of it this way, most of the time when you go to the bar or go out in a social area people are busy paying attention to themselves or their friends, there are some people watchers but people watchers don't tend to be the people who are the center of attention or the people would possibly lower your "social value".
The next thing I want to talk about is that people who tend to be the guys who are popular and getting women aren't people who give a shit about what people have to say. They're not worried about social value or "status" or any of that other shenanigans because they assume they have value. They assume they have status. Of course this is easier said then done but you need to modify your mindset from worrying about what people think about you and your value to assuming you're good enough. There are multiple ways to do this.
If you different ways that you can do this but really the best way to do this is by combining multiple different tactics so that you can have the most effective all around mindset change.
Step 1: The first thing that you should do is write a bucket list of all the great things there are about you attractive, sexy, style, sense of humor, nice guy, good guy, smart, tall, athletic, eyes, etc. it could be any number of things and so basically I want you to write down a bunch of positive features about yourself so you understand that you are an attractive guy. You need to realize that you are good enough to attract women and that you're not going to be scaring them away.
Step 2: Now if there is an area that you can improve of course you should improve it if you're overweight, I'm overweight in working on that now it's been in an ongoing process, then you should try and lose weight. If your style is in need of an upgrade, read up on some fashion tips and style tips, and go shopping with the woman that has a good sense of style or fashion. There's no problem or issue with needing to improve or wanting to improve just be sure that you work on that and improve yourself.
Step 3: Another thing you can do is an NLP exercise. Now I want you to close your eyes and imagine that you walk down a path and as you walk down this path you notice all the trees are exactly as you'd like them to be, the grass or lack of grasses exactly as you want it, it's a beautiful area and it's exactly what you would imagine is perfect. As you wander the path you notice a building a good-looking building a little ways up the path. You notice it's such a nice moment the weather so perfect I'm just going to walk on down there that building looks amazing. So you walk down to the building and you go in the building, as you enter the building you look across the room and you see a version of you. And you also look around any notice that you see this room is the perfect room, it's exactly the type of room you love has the type of art you enjoy the color of the room is your favorite color, the couches are comfortable, there are nice comfortable tables, there are tons of beautiful women and good-looking people around, this is the perfect room with lots of fun and interesting people.
There a lot of interesting people around a lot of beautiful women and again you look over at this version of yourself, he seems to be behaving in a very perfect way you wish you behave he seems to be confident, attractive, has a census style, has all of the traits that you dream of having he is the perfect version of you he is you when you are behaving at your best, your most attractive, your most confident. You notice everybody us crowding around this version of you there all drawn to you, your charismatic, dressed well and everybody is listening to you. You are the center of attention you have the most value.
Your curious see you walk closer to you and you continue to listen and see this wonderful environment these beautiful wonderful people. As you get closer you notice how amazing and charismatic you are you step up behind yourself listening to yourself talk noticing all the people hanging on your words, notice everybody attracted as you continue to listen to him talk, you see you talking and moving your hands and keeping the attention of the crowd and you're right behind yourself just a couple feet back. Then you notice how amazing it is how he is exactly as you wish yourself to be this confident extraordinary man with so many experiences he is the you that you of dreamt of being.
You step a couple feet and back of him as your listening to him and you keep listening, and then you take a step forward in your less than a foot behind him listening to him talk. Now you take a moment any step forward inside of this perfect version of you this guy that is the version of you you've always dreamt of being, and you can hear him talking but you feel his confidence, you feel his charisma, you feel what it's like to be this attractive confident extraordinary human being. You are not controlling him yet but you feel his actions and how decisive they are how confident they are, you feel how many amazing experiences he shared, you feel what it's like to be the leader in charge of everybody, you feel what it's like to be this perfect version of yourself.
How do you feel? How attractive do you feel? How confident you feel? Now you can decide to stay as this confident attractive feeling you or you can choose to step out of yourself and save it for later but if you choose sustain you this and become this new confident attractive perfect you that is fearless and always able to approach women then you can become this version of yourself whenever you'd like. Whichever you choose whether it is to be the confident you from now on the perfect you from here on or not is up to you but you can pull yourself into this perfect you whenever you would like. Because now you know what it's like to be this perfect you confident, attractive, charismatic, and everything else that is perfect about you.
Now open your eyes after you've imagined this.
You can do a count if you'd like. However I just want you to imagine feeling this emotion, feeling what it's like to be in the perfect you, in the perfect environment.
If you need you can record it on your phone and listen to it yourself.
Step 4: I want you to write a letter from your new self to you old self, you are now your new self you know what it feels to be this version of you, the things you've accomplished, you know what it feels like. Your new self is this perfect version of yourself and while you may not look as perfect as you have imagined, you do know the steps to to take to become this perfect version of yourself, you know how gracious you are for having been able to move your life in this positive direction. Write a letter about how thankful you are that your old self put in all of this work to become your new self how great life is to become this confident better happier version of you. Tell yourself how great it feels, are you dating women? Do you have a girlfriend? What is so great about your life tell your old self what is so great about life and how thankful you are for doing what you've done. Tell yourself it took hard work but it was worth it.
You may have to do multiple drafts of this letter to get it right, you can even start off by writing down a list of traits you would have an things you would be thankful for and then expanding on them in the letter. After you perfect your letter read it out loud in the mirror and tell yourself how true it is. Suck yourself into that mindset every single day so that you know that you're doing the right things that make you the perfect man even if you have to do some things wrong in order to get to the right things along the way. Read this letter every day and fantasize about your life so that you can keep motivated every day and so that you can remember to suck yourself into this new self this new state of behavior that you will now follow from now on you will now act in a manner that is attractive, that is confident, that is sexy, etc. this is to help shape your mindset so that you know you're doing the right thing to accomplish your goals. From here on out you will act in the way that makes you a success and this letter will help you become your new self everyday so that you can act in that way.
Now these first four steps were all about creating the perfect mindset, so that you can stop worrying is much about what other people think, or social statuses, or social values, but so that you can assume the you are high value because you are high value. We are all high value in some way, it's important that you realize that your value is in fact infinite and not finite.
What has happened in the past that was so negative in response to something you've tried? Did you try and approach a women in the past and something bad happen? Why do you think that something negative will happen.
You need to realize that women love sex. It's not as if you're trying to convince a woman to do something she does not want to do she does want to do it, it's up to you to make it okay for it to happen by being the right type of guy for her to have sex with, a guy who's trustworthy, attractive, sexy, and most importantly a guy who builds sexual tension. I have plenty of articles on my website on how to deal with sexual tension, understanding and respecting a woman's sexuality, and many other things. But the basic overall principle is this:
Women love sex.
Of course it has to be a healthy mentally stable woman, if she has a poor sexual history she may not have a sex drive, or if she has health issues or is out of shape she may have a low sex drive. So this has to be the mindset you accept that women love sex. As soon as you move on to this mindset it becomes a lot easier to seduce a woman who wants to do what you want to do. There are certain behaviors you must obviously follow in order to get there but courtship is a process of calibration and trial and error.
I hope what I said can help you. Obviously there's a lot more I can add but those steps helped me the most. I also think that you should start taking cold showers daily in the morning, if you can learn to get comfortable dealing with discomfort something small such as a cold shower it will help you progress.
The correct mindset is really half the battle and that's why I spent so much time teaching you ways to correct your mindset.
Peace and Love,