Fear of stuttering...:(



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 Post subject: Fear of stuttering...:(
PostPosted: Mon Jul 07, 2014 9:44 pm 
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Hi there,
I am very shy and introverted. I'm afraid to approch a women or any women for that matter, Becuase I will start stuttering and would be laughed at. What do you guys think I should do? Any help is greatly appreciated..thanks in advance.


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 09, 2014 8:10 pm 
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Go out and make it your no.1 goal to stutter as much as possible...You should want to stutter in front of everyone.

If you had the opportunity to go on stage and stutter in front of a huge audience you wouldn't even hesitate in doing it.

The only way to lose a fear is by confronting it head first, it will be very very hard but you must develop a hunger for facing your fears if you want to grow


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 1:35 pm 
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I think a lot of this is slowing down and being confident. I don't stutter through nerves, but sometimes my mouth goes quicker than my brain and I end up sort of not getting my words out. Usually, I stop and make a joke out of it, say something like "wow, my tongue got excited there" and start again slower.

The advice above is good as well, just hit it head first. Rock the stutter - if you stutter, laugh it off. If it's part of you and your make up then why should you be embarrassed by it? Being confident isn't necessarily about "being perfect" - it's a lot more about having the balls and courage to stay calm in and deal with any situation you find yourself in. So if you stutter, who gives a shit? Laugh it off and start again. If you can maintain an air of "yeah, I stutter, but that's part of me and I'm a cool guy anyway despite that", then you'll laugh it off, it won't become an issue in discussions and you'll probably start stuttering less as a result because your nerves have reduced.


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PostPosted: Sun Jul 13, 2014 1:56 pm 
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Do you actually suffer from stuttering in general or is it just around women?

If it's just around women it's most likely due to what you could call a mini anxiety attack which is tied down to confidence and fear of the unknown. I'm left with the impression you have very little exposure to women in general(Rather, women you don't know well; you don't expose yourself to the opposite sex in social settings). If this is the case all you can do is desensitise yourself to the problem. An effective yet simple way to address this is to gradually work your way to exposure. Take baby steps and with each step that you're comfortable with then move on and take the next step.

For instance if it's so bad you find it hard to be in proximity with women work on placing yourself next to them in crowded areas. Don't make eye contact, don't start talking to them just walk up to, say, the traffic lights and stand next to them as you're waiting for the traffic lights to change. Once you're comfortable being near them kick it up a notch. Ask a random women on the street if she has the time and then leave. Do this once a day until you're comfortable with that much interaction and don't worry about stammering when you speak(For all they know you actually suffer from a speech impediment which won't get a laugh). If you're feeling adventurous and you stutter don't be afraid to simply say "Sorry, I have a speech impediment." The only goal at this point is to expose yourself to women here.

Take baby steps and eventually you'll over come it.


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2014 12:00 am 
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thank you guys for your input. your right I have a very low self-confidence and low self esteem ..thanks guys for the help. I appreciated the input..:)


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PostPosted: Wed Jul 16, 2014 3:31 am 
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I wouldn't launch into something incredibly daring right off the bat, especially if it is a legitimate stuttering problem and not just approach anxiety. Legitimate stuttering problems are best dealt with by going to see a professional, rather than throwing yourself into an embarrassing situation just to try to learn to not care about being embarrassed. This could actually make it worse, if, for example, you went on stage to do some public speaking and performed extremely poorly. You might develop an even greater fear of that type of situation because you associate that extreme and unpleasant embarrassment with public speaking, even though no real harm came to you. Stuttering problems can be rooted in deeper psychological layers than normal approach anxiety, and other types of therapy besides desensitization may be best to try first.

I would start small and work your way up. If this has deep psychiatric roots (overbearing and unempathetic fathers are a pretty common source of stuttering) then you should see a professional. If it only occurs in a few select situations and you think you can overcome it just through practice and your own courage, then start small. Practice reciting difficult passages from a religious text or tongue twisters in the mirror over and over. Try singing when you are by yourself, and correcting your tone of voice to try and get yourself to actually sound good when you sing. If you have any friends that you trust to be there for you when you need them (more for your comfort rather than them, if they wouldn't support you in this then they aren't worthy of being your friend anyways) then talk to them about this and ask for their help. If they don't have approach anxiety, ask them to introduce you to people as practice or you could just ask them to do mock conversations with you where they roleplay as a stranger. Go out to some place you wouldn't normally go, where people you wont see in other parts of your life will be, and just walk up to them and ask them questions or just try to introduce yourself, knowing that you will never see them again. You can even walk up to people and say "I am introducing myself to you in order to overcome my stuttering."
Just remind yourself that you never have to see them again. Many people will even admire your courage and dedication if you walk up to them and say this.

Another thing that is very helpful in social situations is learning how to eject yourself from a conversation properly and at the right moment. Learn to anticipate fatal awkward silences (some silences are shorter and not fatal to a conversation if you insert nonverbal communication) and eject when you know they are coming and you can't think of a way to stop them. Ejecting should not be a first resort, but it should come naturally when you know that you WILL NOT be able to save the conversation because you know that paralyzing embarrassment is 3 seconds away. You have to get good at anticipating this (which of course means seeing it happen a lot). Come up with some situations where you would be talking to someone, then come up with some natural ways to walk off feeling like you left behind a good impression. These shouldn't be excuses, but more like "I'm an important busy person and I have to go" type of things. For example, when I go to the dog park and I approach girls there, if the conversation is stale or the girl is boring, I make enough small talk with her to keep it natural, and then eject immediately right before it gets awkward. I simply just say something like "that's my cue, see you around" when my dog lies down and walk off. If I don't want to leave and there are other people to talk to, ejecting is also a great opportunity to launch into meeting someone else. You can simply casually say "nice to meet you" and walk over to someone else (which is perfectly fine, trust me). This has the double benefit of getting you out of a bad conversation and forcing you to ignore your anxiety and start a new conversation with someone else. Once you are comfortable with the simple idea that you can bail on any conversation politely with an air of confidence, you feel much more at ease being in the conversation because you know that you can avoid whatever super awkward or embarrassing thing it is that haunts your dreams. Ultimately, your conversations go better, last longer, and you walk away from them feeling good simply because you are more at ease knowing you could leave if you wanted.

Also, work on body language. I think people undervalue body language by simply marketing it as a way to convey feelings to the other person. Having relaxed and comfortable body language is also beneficial because it actually forces you to feel relaxed and comfortable after a while. Even if you are initially uncomfortable in a conversation and displaying traditional relaxed body language doesn't feel "right," simply forcing yourself into that body language and keeping it there can knock your anxiety down a few pegs.


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PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2014 2:44 am 
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Quote:
Hi there,
I am very shy and introverted. I'm afraid to approch a women or any women for that matter, Becuase I will start stuttering and would be laughed at. What do you guys think I should do? Any help is greatly appreciated..thanks in advance.

Your stuttering is caused by being too inside your head and worrying about messing up. As simple as it sounds... the best way to put an end to it is to stop worrying about fucking up.

I highly suggest you ready "Psycho Cybernetics" by Maxwell Maltz.

It covers why people stutter and how you can prevent it... it also covers a lot more that will drastically improve your inner game.

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PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2014 5:17 am 
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The best thing you can do is to go out there and give it a go. Guys who think they have major issues often find that when they finally jump in the pool it's much better than they had imagined.

An example: I was shy before I started to game. I was very nervous of how it would all go. Turned out it was all a bullshit lie made up by some corner of my brain.

Once I started opening girls I quickly realized how fucking exciting/fun/real it is. Maybe you'll find the same thing to be the case. There's only one way to find out - say screw it, and jump in the pool.


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