The old me and the new me!

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 05, 2013 3:59 pm 
PUA Forum Leader

Joined: Sun Aug 14, 2011 10:22 am
Posts: 1200
Location: London
Hey guys, first time I've posted here I think. Anyway, been in the game now for a little while. I've come a long long way from where I was, especially in my teenage years.

I used to be really shy around girls, act confident around people, but was never really myself. Never had a girl until 19, never kissed a girl until 19, basically I had my first ever girl through PUA.

Anyway, now I'm quite a different person. I know what to do (in the pickup phase, not relationship phase yet), I am much more confident in almost every aspect of my life, I can really own sets and own situations if I put my mind to it.

However, there are times where I slip back into my old self. My old self is a self-doubting, depressed, conservative, innocent little child. I was brought up as a little mommy kid, always on my mother's side when I was small. I always wanted to grow up because I wanted to slip out of that, however it never really went away. Now remember I can really, truly, honestly be the fucking MAN, but then I can also be a little innocent child, and it can be quick for me to slip from the man into the child again. Then I have to snap myself back out of it and I can be a confident young man again who knows what he wants, who follows the advice he gives, etc.

But when I do fall into the little child it's like my perception of life, of the world switches back to when I was 15 or so. I spent almost all of my teenage years lonely, without a partner, without sex, without any sort of validation from the opposite sex. Especially from girls I liked. I think this fucked me up big time. Whilst I was a horny little fucker I was also extremely shy around chicks, and what happened was I judged people if they had sex at an early age unconsciously. Even today if I hear that girls lost their v-card at an early age like 15 or so, my first impulse is a little shock. I don't think it's that I'm judging them (even though I am), but I think it stems from the fact that I am envious or something. Like I didn't lose my virginity at that age, so that's just wrong. Of course I know that this is extremely normal. Teens lose the virginities quite early especially nowadays, and it was because of my own lack of skills with women that I got nowhere for so long.

Anyway, so there seem to be two sides to me, one which is deeply ingrained within me because of my earlier years, and the new me, which has new mentalities, beliefs, opinions about these things. But even though I have these new mentalities, sometimes they are incongruent to how I feel about them. Like for example I know sex is just sex and can be wonderful, but then there's a part of me which sees sex as this incredible thing that you have with the one woman you want to be with, and you shouldn't have it with anyone else. I have had sex with girls I have no feelings for, so I obviously know sex can be enjoyable without deep connection. But I have had so much social conditioning in my life plus a lack of experience that this part is still in me. My new experiences have slowly started to shift into the new me, but I still have this old part within me, and it goes pretty much completely against the new me. And the fucked up thing is that they are subconscious, they are feeling based, my emotions are congruent with the old me, and only if I step into the new mindset can I be congruent with the new me.

I don't know if any of this makes sense, but I just wanted some advice or some comments from people who have maybe gone through something similar and how you dealt with it. How you truly changed your inner beliefs. Because it is completely fucking with me, one time I'm this, the other time I'm that. How can I be CERTAIN that I AM the fucking man when at times I'm not?

PostPosted: Tue Aug 20, 2013 5:27 am 
Dedicated Member

Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2012 3:50 pm
Posts: 587
It sounds to me like your problem is that you haven't accepted yourself.

You don't have to the THE MAN. All you gotta be is you. That means you have to realize that while YOU are not perfect, you're good enough, and the women who don't think so don't matter.

I think anyone who experienced your situation, and I did, has the problem you write about. The problem you're dealing with is that in your younger years you were so worried about others accepting or approving of you that you forgot to learn how to accept or approve of yourself.

The best way to get over this is to figure out what you like, who you want to be, realize your shortcomings in that department, and then accept that all you can do is your best to be what you want to be.

I think when you have done this work, while you still may have relapses, you'll find that it only takes but a second for you to shrug them off and think to yourself, fuck that. That's not true, maybe it once was, but it hasn't been true for a long time and never will be again. Everybody doubts how cool or great they are at times, EVERYONE. But those who really do approve of themselves don't need other people to shake them out of it.

You'll know you're there completely when the words to the old Sawyer Brown song truly resonate with you when they sang "Some girls don't like boys like me. Awww but some girls do." Nobody fucks EVERY chick. PUA is about success improving yourself and improving your chances of fucking the chicks that YOU want to fuck.

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