How to destroy approach anxiety?



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PostPosted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 12:52 am 
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I am not a very confident person at all, I can speak to people individually however in a large group i sort of clam up. I was wondering are there many ways to boost confidence and also destroy approach anxiety once and for all?

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 1:58 am 
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Feel the fear, and do it anyway. Willpower is the one and only cure.

My biggest motivator; Regrets! I was married for many years, and was faithful the entire time. I had my running around time prior to that, and thought. "Well I had that." But then when she cheated on me and left, I thought "I don't know what the hell I'm doing, I'll probably never get laid again!".

I was getting old, and fat, I hadn't had sex for MONTHS!

I was regretting my entire life! Horrible thoughts running through my head DAILY!

THEN I decided...fuck this! I have to fix this or die trying.

So I sucked it up, hit the gym, got in the best shape of my life, and just started talking to as many women as I could.

Sure I got blown out a lot at first.

Then it hit me!

NOT ONE REJECTION CAUSED ME ANY PSYCHICAL PAIN! NOT ONCE!

Now I'm 53. I can bench press 315 lbs, have a 32" waist, and I get laid like clockwork. And if I fuck up and miss one....SO FUCKING WHAT. It won't hurt. AND there will be no REGRET for not trying! Win, Win!

If you ever speak to those that are somewhat older and wiser, they will tell you that, in life, we usually regret the things we didn't do, rather than the things we did. If you spend your life procrastinating, you will never know the outcome. And remember, no result is a negative one. It’s what you make of your experiences, every moment, every encounter shapes you, bringing you to the point in your life, you’re at now.

I am that older wiser guy, and I am fucking telling you NOW!

Sorry to bust your bubble, but it does not matter one SHIT how much of this you read, listen to, watch YouTube videos of!

YOU are the one that has to man the fuck up and Talk to the woman

Nobody else.

I want my one remaining regret to be the same as yours, this one I cannot fix!

Why I didn't start sooner!

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 5:57 am 
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Feel the fear, and do it anyway. Willpower is the one and only cure.

My biggest motivator; Regrets! I was married for many years, and was faithful the entire time. I had my running around time prior to that, and thought. "Well I had that." But then when she cheated on me and left, I thought "I don't know what the hell I'm doing, I'll probably never get laid again!".

I was getting old, and fat, I hadn't had sex for MONTHS!

I was regretting my entire life! Horrible thoughts running through my head DAILY!

THEN I decided...fuck this! I have to fix this or die trying.

So I sucked it up, hit the gym, got in the best shape of my life, and just started talking to as many women as I could.

Sure I got blown out a lot at first.

Then it hit me!

NOT ONE REJECTION CAUSED ME ANY PSYCHICAL PAIN! NOT ONCE!

Now I'm 53. I can bench press 315 lbs, have a 32" waist, and I get laid like clockwork. And if I fuck up and miss one....SO FUCKING WHAT. It won't hurt. AND there will be no REGRET for not trying! Win, Win!

If you ever speak to those that are somewhat older and wiser, they will tell you that, in life, we usually regret the things we didn't do, rather than the things we did. If you spend your life procrastinating, you will never know the outcome. And remember, no result is a negative one. It’s what you make of your experiences, every moment, every encounter shapes you, bringing you to the point in your life, you’re at now.

I am that older wiser guy, and I am fucking telling you NOW!

Sorry to bust your bubble, but it does not matter one SHIT how much of this you read, listen to, watch YouTube videos of!

YOU are the one that has to man the fuck up and Talk to the woman

Nobody else.

I want my one remaining regret to be the same as yours, this one I cannot fix!

Why I didn't start sooner!
That is pretty inspiring man for everyone. I found free tour inspiring. I like rsdnation.com too for free content regularly every week from different instructors. I signed up for Jeffy free tour last year. I am seeing Alexander free tour next month. Maybe hot seat too. Next year, I might see Tyler free tour. You could try a 30day challenge for aa but, in the end, you just got to do it.


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 05, 2013 7:25 am 
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This should help

http://www.authenticpua.com/dating-arti ... ercome-it/

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 3:01 am 
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Other than the advice Steve posted above which is great I'll tell you what I've been doing although I'm still trying to barrel through AA myself some of the time so I am by absolutely no means an expert AT ALL.

Daygame

For some reason I'd say my AA during the day is worse than it is at night. When I first tried daygame on my own I literally done a tour of Glasgow for 2 days unable to approach at all (I was planning on direct street game). After this I decided to change my strategy slightly for doing daygame. Instead of going for direct street approaches immediately I started to ease myself into it. For Example:

Day 1 - Ask 5 women for directions then leave
Day 2 - Ask 5 women I find attractive for directions then leave
Day 3 - Ask 5 women I find attractive for directions & how they're day has been then leave
Day 4 - Ask 5 women I find attractive for directions & how they're day has been, then give genuine, real compliment and leave (giving compliment is easy since I'm only approaching women I'm attracted to ;))
Day 5 - Ask 5 women I find attractive for directions & how they're day has been, then give genuine, real compliment and try to continue conversation (again giving compliment is easy since I'm only approaching women I'm attracted to ;)
Day 6 - Ask 5 women I find attractive for directions & how they're day has been, then give genuine, real compliment and continue conversation and try for: instant date/number/facebook in that order (same as above, giving compliment is easy since I'm only approaching women I'm attracted to ;)
Day 7 - No more indirect conversation starters. Straight up telling the girl I like her and why on the approach from the beginning.

The hardest part for me was getting started. Once you actually get going however, it actually becomes a real confidence booster to feel the fear and do it anyway. The rush you get after you do the approach is amazing. Once this starts to kick-in I actually started enjoying facing approach anxiety and taking action to overcome it. I still get it and I think everyone does? Instead I've just tried to take steps to alter my response.

Right now I still do a few indirect approaches to warm up, but I've started going direct during the daytime and got some numbers/facebooks still no instant dates yet but I feel I am making progress which I'm happy with. There's also something incredibly liberating and freeing about expressing your desire/feelings to a girl your genuinely interested in, even if she rejects you or isn't interested it still makes me feel good that I was able to do so. Makes me feel like a man LOL

Nightgame

My nightgame AA isn't as bad as daygame. Probably just because it's more expected to happen at night time. I tend to go to club venues for nightgame that are pretty busy loud. So it gives you a number of girls you can interact with and allows you to get the social juices flowing at the start of the night and gives you the best chance of reaching "flow state". My first few approaches are usually car-crashes/awkward as fuck or just fizzle out but it's fine. I just focus on indifference for those. For some reason even a rejection doesn't phase me at this point in my early interactions in night game, the only thing I challenge myself on early in the night is whether I'm getting myself into a social mood and doing some approaches. I don't go swinging for the fences when the venues open, just approaches to settle me in nicely to the night. Once you get into the social mood I then start going for the girls I like with my AA much decreased due to the early approaches and actually start enjoying approaching.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 6:15 am 
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thefear has a pretty good plan.


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 10:44 am 
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I am not a very confident person at all, I can speak to people individually however in a large group i sort of clam up. I was wondering are there many ways to boost confidence and also destroy approach anxiety once and for all?
Nobody will do it for you. Its something you got to endure. Show up to Rsd free tour. www.rsdfreetour.com


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 12:44 pm 
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Hey Jablowme! (cool name btw)

just wanted to thankyou for your post. I am 42 now and have been sincerely wondering if I should kinda forget about the whole thing but you really have inspired me man.Awesome!

Also you are absolutely right about AA- just feeling the fear and doing it. It does decrease.

Take it easy


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PostPosted: Wed Apr 10, 2013 2:05 pm 
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Heywood Jablowme is awesome and consistently knows what he writes.

You'll never get over AA entirely, you'll just get comfortable with it. Besides that, try planning better. Get one or two openers and stick with them.

An easy one. Go up to a girl in the street. Ask her: Do you know where...look around and find something right where you are...the grocery store is?

She'll tell you it's right there, then do it again with another spot obviously right in front of you.

The third time, tell her, "Wow, you really know this area well. Then you must know a place where we can go get a drink."


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PostPosted: Fri Apr 12, 2013 6:30 am 
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An easy one. Go up to a girl in the street. Ask her: Do you know where...look around and find something right where you are...the grocery store is?

She'll tell you it's right there, then do it again with another spot obviously right in front of you.

The third time, tell her, "Wow, you really know this area well. Then you must know a place where we can go get a drink."
hahaha this is awesome i am using it the next time i am out

I agree the planning is key ...thefear's program is ingenious and i have done something similar...I would just suggest he starts with man -a stranger men that would be even more easier to start with...in fact this is kinda recipe for mastering anything...slice the difficult task into a huge number of small easily doable steps HOWEVER another key is persistency...

On the other hand i would like to tackle this problem from another side...

i discovered the majority of AA happens because:

1 ppl have rigid rules what should they do, what should they do next etc.

2 people worry what they should say...what they should say next, what is the most correct method
3. if someone gonna attack them physically if they do something inappropriate

Number 3 could be eliminated if you are physicaly strong or going out with a group of friends... with no 1 and 2 i will deal below


What is preventing people to approach and is giving birth to much anxiety is not that approach is difficult but they fear what do they say next, and they fear the uncomfortable moments of silence and others judging them for expresing themselves freely...

PEOPLE HAVE STUPID RULES which are making it so more complicated than it should be...

talking girls into sex can be pretty boring and the man losess his power that way..its kinda unmanly...you are much stronger and much poweful than her and you got to a beat around the bush and kinda play a nice guy and talk to her like her girlfreind- fuck that shit...

when you have no rules or if you set the rules that you are free to do as you like that you can say anything you like or that you DONT HAVE TO TALK AT ALL... THATS RIGHT YOU DONT HAVE TO SAY A SINGLE WORD, you dont have to strain for words, and you dont have to talk at all this is much easier and more pleasurable and anxiety is almost nonexistent...you are not searching for a person to talk to - you have your male friends when you need that- you are approaching her to get laid so why talk in the first place...

just imagine your on a date with her already START TOUCHING HER , before or without saying anything(except perhaps a natural hhhhhmmmmm) if she starts wondering what are you doing just say well talk later after the sex :mrgreen: ...then i will be in a mood to talk... and trust me it's lot easier to talk when you made the love to somebody then to a total stranger... :D

just approach and start looking her in her eyes or carressing her or kiss her or grab her by the ass...

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PostPosted: Fri Apr 12, 2013 7:26 pm 
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believe it or not there are ways to help destroy the anxiety through means of not approaching girls... one of them is pizzawalk, anyone here heard of pizzawalking?

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 13, 2013 12:15 am 
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believe it or not there are ways to help destroy the anxiety through means of not approaching girls... one of them is pizzawalk, anyone here heard of pizzawalking?
Yes, and it's a great way to kill AA. I don't think it will ever totally eradicate it, but certainly will reduce the sting.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 13, 2013 10:34 am 
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believe it or not there are ways to help destroy the anxiety through means of not approaching girls... one of them is pizzawalk, anyone here heard of pizzawalking?
Yes, and it's a great way to kill AA. I don't think it will ever totally eradicate it, but certainly will reduce the sting.
AA can be killed..at least temporarily...not sure though if that would be useful but it definitely can be done, perhaps the first condition for that to be done is to believe it can be done :mrgreen: ...people have done things crazier than that..perhaps i have already done it ....if i recall well there were plenty of times when i felt absolutely nothing..have you tried 0 seconds rule? theres no way it surfaces if you do that...

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 14, 2013 3:13 am 
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I am not a very confident person at all, I can speak to people individually however in a large group i sort of clam up. I was wondering are there many ways to boost confidence and also destroy approach anxiety once and for all?
A lot of confusion exists today in the dating world with women in the work place, their rights movement, and the implications it has on assumed roles among sexes. It is still incumbent that we approach no matter how awkward. I got a few messages about going out and wings. I have nights where approaching is exceptionally difficult. I watched a video on youtube with rsd instructor Ozzie on boot camp pushing a student into approaching. Its pretty cool to see. Your mind tells you no but, you do it anyway. You keep doing it, you get blown out but, it is never as bad as your mind makes it. Sadly, pulling is the same. Its still our strongest drives to procreate. Nobody can do it for you.


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 16, 2013 10:53 am 
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Build your confidence and practice the speech more than 100 times. Then you will not be feel uncomfortable.


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