I have studied PUA techniques for awhile now. I've mainly been focusing on inner game, which is an issue for me. I don't often have confidence issues, and about half the time don't care what people think of me. I naturally tend to want to lead things, and get very uncomfortable when I'm not in the lead position on something. I'm not exactly what you'd call shy.

However, I have no social skills. I will inevitably be the most awkward acting person in a group. I try to act less awkward, and end up looking even more awkward. It's like there's a language everyone can speak but I'm alien to.

I've never had a girlfriend. I've never dated a girl formally. The little romance I've had has been few and far between, and long ago. However, it seems to me I should focus on learning social skills to compliment the PUA techniques.

I was raised in a very isolated environment. I was pulled out of public school at 5th grade and homeschooled. Any friends I had weren't good enough for my parents, and being schooled at home I didn't have much opportunity to meet new ones.

As a young adult, I've now moved to a new city, gotten a great job, and am living alone. I don't have the negative influences of my family around anymore, whose life advice seemed to be, "Be careful in everything you do. Don't take risks, you might lose what you already have." I'm done playing defense. With defense, you can only protect some of what you already have. You'll only ever lose, even if you lose less, and you'll never gain. I'm ready to fight and take it all, and damned if I care if the little I started out with goes by the wayside in the process. I've met a few real friends here and there, but I can count them on one hand in the year since I moved, and fewer that I hang out with outside social events.

I go to social events, and I improve slowly - but it's not fast enough for me, and the awkwardness is excruciating. It saps all my energy. The little moments where I 'get' everything that's going on and socially fit in perfectly are like magic. The moment when I know the exact gesture to endear someone to me, or the exact thing to say to shut someone up, or the exact eyebrow raise to make someone laugh. But those moments are few and fleeting, swept away in a sea of awkwardness. I simply don't know where to fit my actions into the social puzzle around me.

I replay the events later in my head, and only then piece together what this person meant by that action, or why this moment became awkward, or what I should have done there. I've taken to writing it all down later, but some of it only comes to me when I recall the event months later. I wonder what I'm absolutely ignorant about to this day, that happened right in front of me.

My lack of social skills often comes off as snobbish aloofness, so I get ignored. I tend to come off as either a rich, self-absorbed, lazy asshole, or a subdued, weak, awkward weirdo, depending upon my mood and how willing I am to tread all over societal norms by not giving a fuck about how I'm perceived that particular day.

I get IOIs, but act as though I didn't notice. I don't speak human, so let's save ourselves the heartache. I treat strangers I meet as though I were in a business meeting with them, very distant. My professional life has blossomed, but my social life has withered, and the one is starting to strangle my will for the other.

I really need some guidance on where to turn. I know where to find information on how to meet and attract women. But underlying that skill is basic social skills, which I don't know. I can't seem to find similar videos on that. Most assume that you just know all the social ins and outs because you learned them at a young age. My family paid me a huge disservice in severing me from that in an attempt to protect me, and it's a crippling wound. However, the cards have been dealt, and I will take the responsibility to fix it.

What should I watch to teach me social norms? What should I read? Are there classes I can take? Are there skills I need to specifically learn?

I really appreciate any help or insights you can provide.

This happens to me alot whenever anyone says something to me I'm too scared to talk back or look them in the eyes so they think I'm stuck up and egotistic but I'm really just scared. I think you could watch Sasha pua daygame or pual janka daygame on youtube and try some of that. Maybe make a new personality with a new name and have that personality have everything like social skills that you want or practice to get those social skills.

I have got the same exact situation as you. I also never had a girlfriend, never dated, hell I never even been kissed! And im only 16. I have also been in school before I had got home schooled And my social skills are very poor as well. I can usually be very quiet with a group of people, sometimes shy.

I would also appreciate the help anyone else can provide. I have also watched the Pickup Artist show with Mystery and I am starting to learn into these PUA techniques.

I've been in a similar situation.My social skills where so bad that I'd piss of people just by talking to them. Sometimes I can still be socially akward but for the most part my skills have improved a lot. My advice would be to meet new people, join a club, invite any friends you have over and go out and do something.There are many ways to meet new people.Try to be in a social situation as much as humanly possible. You will probably meet lots of women a long the way ( that's how I lost my virginity at 16, with a girl a met just by socializing). The more you interact with people the easier it gets and you have the extra bonus of expanding your social network.

I'm glad to hear I'm not alone. I am making progress. Now that I've decided to confront it head-on, I'm making huge strides.

I picked up Neil Strauss's book, Rules of the Game. I'm going through the daily challenges in it. That's really a major help right now. I'm only on day 2 of 30 (and have been for a week - it's been busy), but it's already the hugest help.

When you talk to someone who looks unapproachable and they light up, happy to be talking to you and won't let you leave, it's amazing. I thought those people were mean, thinking bad thoughts about those around them, etc. but then I realize they were in a mental prison build from bricks of their own emotions. That's why they look so unapproachable.

Wait a second, I look the same.

That was the lightbulb that went off - I look just as unapproachable as them. Just talking to them breaks the ice and lets you both out of your prisons. Nobody around you is really the way you imagine them to be in your mind. The shades that are painting your world in shades of disapproval and malice just melt.

That's when I started to have fun with it. I intentionally look like I'm having the most amazing time, and just having fun, and being sarcastic, funny, and loving. If I'm not in that place now, I can get there by remembering a time I was in that place. And people, when I approach in that state, sense that. They react so differently. What would normally only get me a curt conversation about something socially non-threatening will become something intriguing.

Here's another interesting story. I used to have so much trouble navigating through crowds that I would intentionally not go to the mall, or a crowded grocery store, etc. during peak hours. I hated making my way through crowds. People seemed on the verge of bumping into me all the time, for no apparent reason. I tend to walk (and drive, and just about everything else) faster than anyone else I know, so that too posed problems.

Then I realized that wherever I looked, people would allow me to go. It's our in-built social navigation system. People try not to break your line of sight.

Then it hit me. I had been, when I came close to crossing paths with someone, I would glance this way and that to try to find a route to clear around them. They would be confused as to where I was actually going. Thus, neither of us knew what to do, and we would both feel awkward.

It came down to my approach to life - I didn't want to affect anyone else's life, because it might do so negatively. I just wanted to wisp through the crowd like a ghost, without disturbing anyone's path.

Now, I just look where I want to go, and people move. I'm 6' tall and as wide as a barn, so I know they will move. That makes my body language indicate I know they will move. It works out great. No more confusion.

I remember a tale where a university boxing coach's first assignment to newbies was to walk through the campus, without moving out of the way of anyone. Bump into them if you have to, he said, but don't move out of your path. You have to learn through body language how to make them move. Very interesting.

I'm so, so far behind most people still. But I'm improving. If I'm better than I was yesterday, I'm happy.

(Long post, I got waffling on, sorry!) I'm going to say my advice first, and then pre-empt some of the responses that you will probably want to give me (because I was in a similar place to you, I thought the same when I heard this advice and I've had other people since ask the same questions when I give them this advice).

The advice: Force yourself to talk. Just do it. Don't think about what to say first. Just say hi and bumble your way through a conversation. The first few times may well be absolutely atrocious. You might say three sentences then stand there awkwardly or walk off. BUT after doing this you soon get better. It still might take a long time, but it really is the only way to get better socially.

Now your responses - a lot of people say "don't just say do it, I want to know how to do it" etc. etc.

The problem I have with this is that there is no set of rules as to how to interact with other people. Yeah you can be a body language expert and know in theory how to act in certain situations to get people to respond favourably to you. Yeah you can know lines that may help you, or eye contact techniques.

But I have two issues with this. Firstly, knowing the theory and being able to do it in practice is very often not how it goes. Your mind gets muddled because you become nervous, or because you panic and don't know what to say, or just because your mind goes blank - which was my biggest problem in a conversation (and still happens to me when I'm not "on it" even now). That is one good use of an "opener" and "routine" in my opinion. When you're starting out, the opener and/or routine can take your mind off things, it can help your mind not get panicked and cluttered. You just think about the opener, and then once that's gone well you fall more naturally into conversation. But even if you use an opener/routine, I always think people should try to stop using canned material as soon as they can and just use their own natural personality, but that's juts my take on it.

My second issue with trying to learn all the theory and get all the answers before you go out and "just speak to people", is that the large majority of the theory is natural. You know it already deep down. How do these 'experts' find out about what is good body language or what people respond well to? Well it's all human nature. Think about how you act with your family and very closest friends, those people or that person who is your closest confidant in the entire world. Your body language with that person will be good, you'll know how to have a conversation with that person, even if you're not the most chatty person ever.

It is something mental which stops you from having such a conversation with other people. Don't bother trying to pinpoint what it is, it could be all sorts from your upbringing, family, whatever. Just realise that the best way to get over that hurdle is to smash straight through it rather than trying to find a way around it.

Now, I will acknowledge that there are still plenty of things you can learn and not all of it is natural. Some people may naturally have certain bad body language or may naturally have a certain characteristic trait that they could adjust slightly with conscious effort and this will improve their socialness and their game. AND i will also agree that sometimes a person's personality is perhaps not the best way to get girls. Say, for instance, if you're naturally a bit of a cynical pessimist then you can tweak bits of your personality to try and make you slightly more attractive.

BUT even in those instances, it is just that - a tweaking. A cynical, nasty, unattractive person can still have superb basic social skills, they may be able to talk to anyone, "kino" with anyone, but just kill the attraction (both in terms of sexual attraction and friendship/social attraction) by the top layer of their personality, ie; the cynicism.

So what I'm trying to say is, don't worry too much about trying to learn the theory or worrying about specifics. Those are things that you can learn ocne you've got the basics sorted in order to push your game/social skills from being decent to being excellent. But in order to get from bad to decent, it's not so much about theory and far more about getting over your mental issue. And the best (or only in my opinion) way to do that is to actually go out and speak to people. Force conversation. Even if it's a painful conversation, keep doing it. When you can stand there and have a painful conversation with someone, you're one step further along than not having any conversation with them. Then the painful conversations after a while start to turn into bareable conversations. Then you can have a good conversation with most people.

I always thought I needed to know more before I started actually talking to people, that if I read a certain book or article or something that I would find out a "secret" to becoming a talkative sociable person. I never did find such a secret. What pushed me was one day walking to a bus stop, cute girl smiled at me, I looked at her, gave her a feint smile and walked past. Immediately I thought what the fuck am I doing?! Ever since then I made a point of saying "hi I'm xxxxx" to pretty much everyone I made eye contact with. Often there was some painful conversation but usually it was a brief "hey how you doing, good thanks you, yeah good ta, see you around" interaction at the very worst!

I agree with the above poster.

It's like starting a sport, you can read every book available about the sport and study every technique but that doesn't mean the first time you go out there and play that you are gonna be any good. Or you can pick up the bat or whatever and start practicing every single day and once you are good at it then you can supplement it with some books etc. Same goes for social skills, once you've been in many social situations you will start seeing what people respond to positively and negatively.

Once you have started this proses the momentum only builds and before you realise it you can handle any social situation

O yea a note on the problem you had with negotiating crowds.I was exactly the same , it would take me so long just to find somewhere to walk.I hated it. So I just decided to walk as if I was alone, like there is no one in my way. Believe me people will get out of your way, no matter how many people there are.If they need to go around YOU so be it.

Keep us posted

That's a great point. I've spent far too long learning theory and nowhere near long enough learning the practice.

When I was in my late teens, I felt sure I had depression. It wasn't to the point of suicide attempts by any means, but it was to the point of having no motivation, no drive, no hope.

As simple as it was, I started exercising, and it went away. Completely. Walked a mile a day and it was gone. Totally different person.

Into adulthood, if I don't exercise for even a short period of time, I simply lose it. I can't focus. Things become fuzzy. I have no motivation - the muse has checked out. I work in a creative industry, so if that part of my brain isn't on, I'm completely professionally useless.

I was away from home for a few days, and haven't exercised. Zero ability to think, to work, to feel right. My emotional compass has lost its calibration.

It's such a simple thing, but it's fucked up every single aspect of today. I spent the day wondering why things aren't working, and only remembered what was missing a couple hours ago. Tonight, I'll hit the treadmill and weights, and life will be good again tomorrow.

The point is, it's amazing to me how holistic life is, in all aspects. One little imbalance in one aspect completely throws off your inner game, your relationships, the way you feel, the decisions you make.

It makes me wonder what else is out of balance, and could vastly improve my life. Diet... Sleep habits...

...Human relationships...

Once I get better at relationships, I'm sure it will have ripple effects into all aspects of my life.

oh my god I feel the same way as u guys do

You are so much like me in this respect but I have one other problem as well. I have a permanent scowl on my face without even trying, like it's my natural expression. Definitely don't look like a friendly, fun guy. I actually have to practice smiling. Update this thread when you start making progress I'd really like to hear about it.