When I was in High School, I wasn't what you would call popular. I had a few close friends who understood my pursuits (video games and band class), and none of them were girls. So when a popular girl I, who knew I was a trombonist in the band, mentioned that "it would be so cool" if I played my trombone in the school talent show, I made a misguided bid to impress her. Under my own delusions of grandeur, I spent the next few weeks practicing my instrument until my lips bled, trying to master the extremely technical solo piece I had written myself for the performance.

When the night of the talent show came, I stepped out onto the stage in front of an audience full of my friends and fellow students. Alone. My heart was pounding. Nevertheless, I raised my trombone and started playing. I made it through the first few notes...and then I missed a high note completely. Silence. I was all alone up there, and I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I tried pitifully to start the phrase over again, but I missed the high note a second time. Silence again, except this time I could hear whispers and hushed giggling from the seats. This trombone-playing nerd had dared to come on stage in front of everybody, and demonstrate why he wasn't cool - and had fucked it up in the process.

I kept going, struggling through the song that in retrospect was far too difficult to have prepared on such short notice. By the end, I wasn't just embarrassed; I was mortified. I gave a red-faced bow and exited the stage to timid applause. Needless to say, I didn't win the talent show.

This, and other embarrassing situations in my life, have made me resistant to social situations. I know how it feels to be humiliated, and I never, ever want to feel that way again. I focused a lot of energy into avoiding potential embarrassment when I was a kid, so much so that it made me shy and reclusive. I function just fine around close friends and family, but to this day I get very self-conscious in social situations.

I attended an Adam Lyons bootcamp in 2009, and since then I've had no excuse to not be amazing with women. But here I am, two years later, and it hasn't changed my life. I'm still uncomfortable in social situations, and I've had very few successes with the opposite sex. I constantly plan to practice and improve my game, but when I actually do get around to practicing, I rarely have enough courage to do more than ask a few strangers what time it is. About once every few weeks I get frustrated and set a whole new set of goals for myself, but the motivation wears off after a few days.

As exemplified in the story, I think the root of my problems is the fear of embarrassment. I'm afraid of approaching strange women in public places, and being seen as "creepy" or "weird". Every approach is a possible public humiliation. Intellectually I know that I'm being overly dramatic, and that most people in a public place wouldn't give a shit about some dude hitting on a girl over there. But when I'm in the moment, I start to imagine how other people must see me, and my defense mechanisms kick in.

I know this must be a common problem in the community, but it took me a long time to figure out the root cause of my troubles. And now that I know, I want to turn things around once-and-for-all. I've tried the "systematic desensitization" method (gradually exposing yourself to increasingly scary things), and it takes too long. So I've decided that tomorrow I will face my "El Guapo", and attempt a direct approach on a girl in a public place. That's something I've never been able to do, and if I can do it, I'll prove to myself that there is nothing to fear - and I'll start doing approaches like nobody's business.

If the anxiety proves to be too much and I can't do it tomorrow, then I will stop trying to sarge for a week or two. I will focus my energy on starting up a regular schedule at the gym, and improving my diet. Then, after a couple weeks of getting stronger and healthier, I will try the direct approach again. Etc, etc.

I'm posting this here because I want to force myself to make some much-needed changes. I don't want to come back in a month and read what I've written here, and have nothing to show for myself.

I'd be surprised if anybody read all of that, but if you guys have any similar experiences, let me know. Everyone has their own "El Guapo".

hi:)

I have the same problem as you have.
Just like I would read my own words.

I'm trying to go direct to woman for 2-3 weeks andI can't. I just cant.
I have so huge fear of rejection that i can't makeany action.

Tommorrow I have to do several things so I will be in city center where probbably I will have occasions to approach. I have to do it becouse my emotional state is getting worse. I have to do it whatever I will or won't get rejectet. Just want to walk up, say compliement and maybe chat a little bit but the most important is to walk up and say soemthing.
I don't know how I will feel afterwards but I HAVE TO DO IT.

Please write did you make your approach and how was it?

cheers

I did it!

I went to the mall after work, hoping to spot some cute girls before closing time. I spent a little bit of time thinking about what I would say on the way over, but I didn't obsess over it, and I didn't allow negative thoughts to enter my head. I thought, "yes I'll be nervous, but this is actually really simple, and I'll be fine."

I ended up spotting a girl working at the GNC store, who had no customers and was about to begin closing up. I walked up and said:

Me: "Hi, I'm sorry to bother you, I can only stay a minute. I would be kicking myself for the rest of the week if I didn't come and tell you that I think you are really pretty...so...yeah!"
GNC: "Oh! Thank you!"
Me: "...That was as far as I had thought it through in my head."
GNC: *blushes, giggles*
Me: "Well anyways, I'm Backlash, it's nice to meet you."

She told me she had a boyfriend, but seemed genuinely sorry for having to reject me. She thanked me for the compliment and I thanked her for being nice, and left.

Okay so it was a pretty low-pressure target, and a pretty lame approach. But my goal was to prove to myself I could do direct approaches, and I can! It was totally awkward, and totally exhilarating at the same time!

I feel pretty awesome right now! I've never been able to do that before, and now I know I can do it anytime, anywhere! Before the approach I was really nervous and I wanted to start making up excuses to leave, but instead I overpowered those thoughts with affirmations and urgency. I told myself, this is going to happen. I am going to open the GNC girl. I will remember this as "that time I approached the GNC girl". Nothing I can do now except see how it turns out. Etc, etc.

Rudgerus:
Keep trying, man. It is very worth the effort. When you see a good opportunity to open, it's like a foregone conclusion that you're going to approach. Just by being near her, you're already 90% of the way there. Your feet are automatically walking toward her. Your hand is already reaching out to touch lightly on her forearm, to get her attention. You have no choice about those things, all you can do now is start talking and see where it goes.

When you hear people say "stop thinking so much", I believe this is what they mean.

Backlash: Good for you. I'm really happy that you make it


Of course I didn't approach ;/ I should have no excuses, but today I've seen only girls like HB5-6 rate. Probbably if I would meet 7-8-9 I would also do nothing ;/

Tommorrow I will have another ocasion. You did it, it is my turn now.
Just have to make approach, probbably will be awkward but just like you I have to overcome it.

Even if nobody gonna read this, it really helps me, writting these things here.