This is bullshit! Every time I go out, I get all emotional cause I don't get any and no one really pays me any attention. I go out to have fun and I can't even do that cause I'm so caught up in hooking up, and meeting people, and being the "funny guy", and using game, and being the person I want to be and no longer being this sack of shit.

Yeah, this is another of a billion similar posts, complaining about not being good enough, all that shit, I know all you guys have read this shit before, and you'll read it again.

But why does this happen to me? This has always happened to me. This is the one part of my life that I feel weighs me down. It's always on my mind. It affects my grades at school. It affects my relationship with my family. It affects my happiness, my sense of fulfillment, essentially everything. And it's never got any better. I'm in college now, and I'm no better than I was in grade 9 at any of this social stuff.

I don't even know anymore, what to ask, what to say, what to tell you, what to pretend. I go out and try my hardest to be confident, myself, but it never lasts. I don't know what to do anymore, or where to go, and you guys are the last place I know to turn to. I need help.

_________________
-Sharplin
My journal:
sharplins-journal-vt84603.html?highlight=

Chill bro
cheer up, thinking positive is your only bet, and it is the only thing that will get you threw everything guaranteed. read a book on it.
i was in your same boat when i decided to kick all the negetives out my life.
Its easier said then do though, you gotta start training your brain and change all the years of negetive thought process habits.

'Cuz you're young. There are a lot of things you just don't know. You were born a certain way, your genetics made you a certain way, and your early life experiences made you a certain way. Other people, those "socially successful" people, were made differently than you. You can eventually learn whatever they know, but they have a big head start on you. Be glad that you live in the age of the internet where you can access the sum collection of human knowledge, not to mention the wisdom of thousands of horny guys, right at your fingertips through your computer. Us old farts didn't have access to such resources. We simply fell down, got up, tried again, and were miserable for many, many years.
I learned a long time ago that I could not predicate my happiness or success in life on a woman. It was clear that due to the accident of my birth and early life experiences, that despite much effort on my part, I was never going to be some huge ladies' man. Too much empirical evidence to the contrary, and I didn't know about anything called PUA back in the day. So, I found other ways to ground my self-esteem. Principally through personal achievements, whether art or programming or martial arts or anthropology or such. I've had an intellectual life, not a sexy life. My own intellectual standards are very very high, so unfortunately I still have issues even with that, but at least I don't feel tortured about women. More like, women are an area that I have weaknesses in. Luckily, someone came along and invented PUA meanwhile, so I really can be a ladies' man now if I really want to be. But, since my grounding in Life is elsewhere, it's never going to be core to me. Just an ingredient along the way to make me happier.

I am oriented towards history and the future. Thousands of years back, and thousands of years forwards. I know that all sex really is, is an Evolutionary trick that makes us spawn before we die. It seems very important to us, because we're genetically programmed that way and horny as hell. But it is an illusion, it has no permanence or lasting value to our existence. The reality is we will die. My belief is that when we die, there is no afterlife, that's it. The universe is cruel and uncaring in this regard, it seeks to erase us. Anything that we do will ultimately become dust.

So how do I react to that? I react by choosing how to live. I also focus on what's going to be left after me when I die. For me, that means creative works. The pyramids of Egypt won't last forever, but they've lasted many human lifetimes. We remember the exploits of Achilles, and Galileo, and Martin Luther King. Some people put value on the social legacy they leave behind. Their friends, their families, their children. The people that they shared Life with and helped set free. We could all be choosing to live a miserable, pointless existence, but we choose not to. We choose to go forth into the future together, and find happiness in our journeys together. That is the Human way. That is what is best about being Alive.
Study what's in those books. Learn what your ancestors faced. What humanity has faced. It will ground you, and make you see that you are not alone. Also live in the present. Do not study too much. You must have breathing room to grow socially. That was my biggest mistake in college. I went somewhere that worked me way too hard, and so I never grew socially. Few parties, few friends, few women. I regret it to this day, but all I can do today is work on today. I cannot go back. As you try to find yourself, try to live without regret. You will not always succeed, but you should always try.
You have learned that in many ways, PUA is a lie. It's like sugar. You can eat it, it will give you energy, but it will not sustain you. You need to eat other things. Sugar has its place, it will definitely help an athlete to perform, but an athlete must also build muscles and do exercises. Train your life. Sex is only one part of life. An important part for horny males, but only one part.
Start with whatever you already do in life that you enjoy, that you're good at, that you have some talent with, that is not about sex. Build upon that. Find value in that.

I may be wrong here but to me it seems that you seek validation from women, and if you don't get female attention you feel like the night or party or whatever has been a failure. I felt like this not so long ago.

Try to change your criteria for what makes a good night. Get into the mindset that you're gonna have fun with your friends, and that is what you need for a successful night. If you get female attention great, if not no big deal, you still had a great time.

~Deebo

_________________
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

1st . chill
2nd youve got to learn not to give a fxck about what happens
( everytime something happens just think " I dont give a shit and shrug your shoulders like its no biggy"

why ? because if you dont get any , you dont care you seem unmoved by it
also for some reason i believe a certain amount of desensitization can help a lot in pick up

First off - you seem to worry too much about the outcome of the situation, hence you stress about it too much and thus you are getting way to frustrated/nervous/illogical and many other different types of selfdoubt.

You need to start working on your selfimage. Start working on what you want to be affected with and how you wish to achieve this. Try Hobbit's post and use a few of the techniques. Try journalling to keep a daily record about improvement, stressfactors and stuff. Try meditation to get your mind at ease. A lot of these things actually do provide you with a good basic ground to start from.

There is nothing wrong with trying - just be deticated to improvement & don't give up. It's a lot harder then it looks like but trust me, in the end, it'll be worth it.

≠ LD

_________________
Founder & coach at Dance 2 Seduce -- contact me for more information.

FREE coaching advice on Fridays from 22PM to 23PM at the MPUA chatroom.

Like every thread I of yours I reply to:

Stop caring so much and start having actual fun.

Why the fuck does anyone get emotional?

Because... well... sometimes we just ARE. Absolutely nothing wrong here.

Just we know as MEN emotions are what drives women. Just learn to recondition yourself. Channel those emotions and change it into positive action.

Not satisfied of not being able to open in a club... Get a journal write down that you need to open every other day... Bam. Job's a good 'un.

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

Man up, timmy.

C'mon man, you're better then that. I read your old posts before and you do know what you're talking about.

So why are you having emotional troubles? Simple you're worrying too much.
Stop giving a shit and have fun. Just go out and don't have any intentions of gaming girls... etc. When you have intentions you build up unnecessary pressure. Get out have fun and stop giving a fuck what people think.

People will notice you when you are having fun.

try to be Humble that dosent mean you accept where you are instead Being Humble allows you to be present and let go of the outcome or the ego because thats whats in the way on these crap nights.
all this pressure on yourself to get IOIs,open ,close, routines etc etc is forcing your brain to have an approach avoidance on the situation.
Being Humble allows you to approach and appreciate any feedback and it stops the ego from coming to the rescue which is conter productive to learning if its saying 'theyre all bitches' 'im the man' 'im rich' 'im ugly' 'im crap' 'game sux' etc etc.
instead being humble will allow you to be present and approach the real way and allow you to Risk making mistakes.
A set i approached on the weekend gave me a standard bitch sheild line but since i was humble i laughed with them and wished them a good night then one girl did a 180 turn and became interested which i wouldnt have seen without sarging humble.
Love it!

It's because you are placing your sense of self-worth on what you think other people should be doing and you have no control over other people. Other people will always let you down and never live up to what you think they should be doing because they have their own issues.

So WTF did I just say?

You are placing your sense of self-worth and your sense of accomplishment and value on whether some chick fucks you or digs you are not. You don't see people responding to you in the manner you want them to so you are interpreting that as you being defective. WRONG ANSWER!

They are responding to you in your prefered manner because you have no control over them. They are their own person just as you are yours.

Of course they aren't responding to you positively when you yourself are not enjoying it and having fun. duh.

You need to do some things you truly and sincerely enjoy even it doesn't seem like something a PUA would do. FUCK PUA, be your own man.

When you go out and do something you like and have fun, guess what? it is fun! Do it enough times and you get good at it. Keep getting good at it and eventually you become and expert and then a master. Along with all of that comes confidence and self worth and self respect.

With confidence, self worth and self respect come respect and admiration from others. Then when you are having fun, there will come people that have fun with you. When others have fun with you, you have more fun. See how this works?

You are trying to force a square peg in a round hole and then have it shit out a golden egg. It doesn't work that way.

Find your own path by doing the things that you enjoy and come natural to you. That may take a little exploration and self discovery but that is the path that each person coming into maturity must make. Noone ever said it was easy or painless.

Some times things come to those who stop trying to make things happen and just let things happen naturally.

I wasn't patient enough to read all the previous comments, but I'm sure there are lots good advices there. My answer is simple
It happens because you don't know how to be alone.
In order to get rid of it you have to learn how to be alone.

This is explained in details in Buddhist literature. Read some. I'm not Buddhist, but there is a lot of interesting ideas which are applicable to life. Give it a try.

You first need to come to peace with yourself, before trying to be with other people.

P.S. STOP THIS"and being the person I want to be and no longer being this sack of shit. " NOW!.

What stops you from being a person you want to be? Girls don't make you a better person.

Sharplin,

Read this thread in its entirety and focus on your emotions. Is it helping to extinguish your negative emotions or are you experiencing them again? You already knew that this would happen . . . Essentially, You’ve been achieving your goal to create the physical situations that allow you to feel and express your negative emotions.

You do not lack the practical abilities to achieve your ‘social goals’; you're imaginative, cerebral, and you communicate effectively. So what's getting in the way?

These situational, reactionary emotions are 'explosions' that need fuel to survive. When do you suppose you felt the 'highest level' of these emotions? Think of this another way. Let's go on a roller coaster ride. Are you still 'thrilled' after the ride is over? No . . . in fact, you can feel those chemicals in your brain quickly subside as you unlatch the safety belt. So what do you do? You talk about it with your friend(s), "Remember that loop? The first drop off? Remember? Remember? Remember?" - This is an attempt to relive the experience to FUEL the emotions for as long as you can. But what do some others say? "No, I don't want talk about it." --- No fuel = no emotions.

Something probably happened recently to trigger your latest emotional 'ride' but that specific stimulus is probably long gone. You're already off the roller coaster, but you're working pretty hard to relive the experience over and over again. Here’s how:

1. You're obviously thinking about what recently happened over and over again.
2. You are associating this event with other events that elicited similar emotions.
3. You say you're looking for a strategy and you might be . . . but what you're really doing is seeking validation for your cycles. If this thread is left alone, you and I know that many will continue to chime in and offer, "Hey, keep your head up buddy!" . . . "It's OK, we all feel like this once in a while." . . . "Keep trying!" . . ."Don't give up!" . . . “Suck it up!”
4. #3 justifies your emotions(It's OK to feel this way) + continues to fuel those emotions as opposed to extinguish them + Creates a need for the next "ride" so we can do this again.
^This is an honest view of what’s going on because your emotions inspired the free-write. Take a look at your 'wants'. How do you suppose anybody is going to accomplish all of this on a night out? So you want to be a porn star, a b-celebrity attention whore, a stand-up comedian, a pick up 'game man', a socialite, an unidentifiable 'person you want to be' and a guy who no longer carries sacks of shit? ----- All on a night out? Do you know anybody who fulfills all of these requirements on a night out? Hey, you're just a negative emotion junkie. Don't allow your needs to habitually feed your brain negative emotions to take over your life. (Figuring out WHY you do this is another topic altogether.)

If you're sick of this shit, improvement is just a decision . . . but a difficult one. Dude, you’re going to have to accept the boring life. Yup, take all your ‘wants’ and file them in bite sized, workable pieces. Can they be accomplished? You already know it can so it’s boring to you. Would this be exciting to some? Probably to most but to you, this is going to seem mundane. You’re just going to have to sit down and go through all the fucking boring steps, one stupid little line at a time.

“Hi, my name is ____.” - Shake hands. *Oh no! Comedian, porn star, socialite, attention whore, and the shit kicker want their turns! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! Go back to BOOOOORING!!!!

“Hey, that necklace reminds me of the way they decorated a club in Israel. Have you been? – Ugh . . . boring . . . FIGHT! Keep it up! Go get a number. Close the deal . . .

If you want to be a comedian, go to open mic. If you want to be a socialite, fb everybody and get yourself invited to wussy parties. If you want to be a attention whore, go get yourself bikini, wear make up and shake your ass at the local mall. If you want to try this pu thing out, prepare yourself for some boring shit. To you . . . it will be.

I agree, you just need to learn how to use it sub consciously let alone over thinking and obsessing. You need to have it wired down so that you do it with out spending 20 mins deciding how you going to open a set rather then just walking over and opening it.

_________________
“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.”