I’ve been doing some deep thinking over the past few weeks about where imp at right now in my game and what it means to me. Myself, like a lot of guys when they are starting out seem to think that all their problems will be solved and they will retire into a state of eternal bliss if only they could get that one special girl, or have the threesome or bang a 10, etc, etc only to wake up one morning having done all that asking themselves ok now what? Without even realizing it, over the past six months or so have far exceeded any reasonable goal I had when I was first starting out several years ago. Back in the beginning just being able to get a girls number would have sent me home with a permanent smile imprinted on my face day dreaming of all the wonderful things to come.

Nowadays I live in abundance, I struggle to keep up with all the women I have in my life, feeling crushed by the pressure of all these women trying to suck a relationship from me and always wanting more of my time. Is this what I wanted? Does it make me happy? Did I really want the girls way back then or was I just looking for validation as a man capable of attracting and seducing women of my choosing?

Maybe too much time in this game has made me cold, leaving me with a small heart and ice water in my veins but it’s starting to feel like a job more than anything else. First dates and day two’s have lost their luster; I know how it will play out before we cheers our first drink of the evening leading to the inevitable close, and post coitus talk that always seems to follow the same script.

I love the game, always will but I think it’s the challenge that I love. Meeting a new girl and going for the first kiss, the first dance, the first night of love making. After that, the fun is gone and continuing to “date” these girls have become a preverbal pain in my ass. I’ve been thinking of cutting out all current women in my life and starting fresh while at the same time employing a strategy of same night lays at that is it. Nothing after that, no contact, no day two’s, nothing. I am not capable of a long term relationship right now so why should I even go down that path when I know it’s not what I want?

This is me trying to work out my frustrations with the game and trying to answer my question, does this make me happy?

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~Carmo~

I like the fact that you are asking questions about yourself.

And yes there is more to life than your next blowjob.
Not that i would have agreed with the above statement when i was 22.
But now i am approaching the big 40 i can say that i have been where you are at right now.

I am from the u.k.
You live in one of the best locations in the world.
Having your cake and eating it comes to mind.

If you want advice i am not the man on this forum for that.

But you could try going on an adventure for a few weeks, to a very poor area, living with people with nothing.
It may help you come to terms with the fact that life is pretty good after all.

but i could say that as you get older the most important thing in life is your HEALTH!!

You need to make certain that only things that are important dominate your life.
Everything else is BULLSHIT.

I have to remind myself that from time to time.

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Its getting Hot out there.

Its all to easy.

I want to be a tree!

hey man as a philosopher i think i can say a few things about your situation.

i was driven to the 'community', though i hate that term, out of one-itis. i'm not over her, and i won't be until i find someone to replace her with. sadly she's an 8-9 objectively, but also my exact type, and we had a really great connection, blah blah blah. i've been pretty good at picking up women for a few years, but the information i've found here and elsewhere has been helpful.

but here is the relevant kicker: i'm only doing the pua thing to find a girl to replace my last gf. i'm not expecting that picking up is going to be an end-in-itself. even if i could have a threesome with different beautiful women every night, the fun wouldn't last, i'd get bored, as would anyone else. the meaningful bit of a relationship is the sharing of actual love. this means breaking the number one rule of picking up: it means actually caring and giving yourself completely to another person. the amazing part, because you take a huge personal risk in giving that love away, is when you get that love thrown back at you. love is nothing less than giving yourself totally and completely to another person and having them return that love. that's what love is. that, my friend, is worth it. that will make you actually happy and fufilled, as far as can be done in this life. the one thing the AFC does right is actually commits and gives this kind of love, unfortunately for the AFC, he does it wayyyyy too early before any attraction has been built. feelings are for only after a real connection has been developed, nowadays, usually after sex.

my advice brother is to recalibrate your ends. picking up and hooking up are means, not ends. they get us what we want, but aren't good enough themselves to fulfil us.

here is my challenge. you've got a bunch of 9's and 10's that you know and have good rapport with, obviously (if you can help me with that i'll be grateful!). pick one of them, and give yourself totally and completely to them. you don't have to say to them that you want to marry them, but engage with them with the attitude in your mind that you have decided to pick this person for the rest of your life. you'll be amazed at the results and the joy that will come back to you once they realize you're serious (again, timing is everything, but you know this).

sleeping around can be great fun for a while, but eventually, like you said, it's just empty and leaves you feeling like a machine. you've mastered the game, now go master love, it's a different thing altogether.

This in and of itself does not sound credible. The reason AFCs occasionally succeed at having a real relationship, and sharing real love, is they seek seek seek for someone they have a real connection with. By brute force, screwing it up many times, until one day they're in the right place at the right time and there she is. She's never just a piece of ass. It's always her personality, her intellect, and the fact that she's still quite fuckable that builds the immediate, hot, genuine attraction.

You can't fake this stuff. You gotta figure out what you actually like in other people, in women, and then find a woman who actually has those qualities. You can't just pick a HB9+ out of a hat and expect her to have any depth. "Here babe, you're gonna be my deep personality interest for the next month. I'm gonna give myself completely to you, until next week, when I admit that I'm lying to myself and totally posing."
Master a different kind of search routine is my view on it. It ain't easy to find women who have an amazing personality, a lot upstairs, are growth oriented so they can go the distance in a LTR, and are also hot.

i think that's right hobbit. [i]if[/i] it's solely used for validation. i'll concede that maybe i'm rationalizing AFC tendencies, but i think i'm using the term incorrectly. if by AFC we mean neediness, and dependency, in a value confirming way, then no, there is no healthy, happy, relationship in being an AFC.

It’s been a long journey, probably pretty similar to a lot of guys in the community. Was in a relationship, girl cheated and I got hurt. Decided I wanted more control and options when it came to meeting women so I found the community and started learning game. Fast forward a year, was doing great and got into another relationship. It was going really well I thought but I was reluctant to “open” up and let myself be vulnerable for the bulk of the time we were together. Finally I threw all caution to the wind and let my heart open up to loving her, then as you can probably guess bam, she cheats and I get hurt.

I am not bitter or resentful, all these things were necessary to motivate me to continue on this path. Point being is that now another year down the road I just don’t even think I am capable of ever letting myself be vulnerable to a women. I draw my state and my happiness from within myself. Maybe it’s a shield or a shell or whatever you want to call it but that’s why I am where I am with all this stuff. Maybe I just haven’t met the right girl but I like most girls I date, just don’t think I could ever get onitis or be needy ever again. It’s been completely forced out of my entire being. Maybe I need to look back and find a balance between these two extremes.

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~Carmo~

i think your last sentence is really bang on. naturally, from solid past experience, your hesitant to let your guard down completely, and that's healthy. it should come down gradually over a period of time and trust building. if you can truly draw all your happiness and state from within, then you are definitely ready for a solid LTR. it's when we need others for our own validation that we run into problems, relationship wise. giving of yourself completely requires you to have something to give, and the inner strength to not be phased if it's not completely returned. no expectations = no disappointments. given what's happened in the past you may be subconsciously attracted to women with cheating tendencies. watch out for similar patterns of behaviour in potential partners. this is tough. i, personally, am attracted to histrionics and narcissists, which is a pretty sure-fire recipe for disaster in a relationship, unless you really know what you're in for and what to expect. calibrate. calibrate. calibrate.

Carmo, I experienced the community when I was 15. Now I am 16 and I can say I have had the life many guys dreamed of, stuff you can't even imagine.

It has left me more scarred than anything. I have no fun in gaming anymore. Women aren't a challenge and I don't enjoy sex as I used to. Right now, just like you, I do it for the challenge, trying to game models 10 years older than me, and succeeding. And once that had been done, there really was no challenge to me anymore. What used to be a GREAT party one year ago, is now very boring. And girls have become a hassle for me, I even caught myself acting rude to a girl last night, because I just didn't have any interest anymore, even though she's a perfect ten.

What I miss the most was the mystery of everything, the limiting beliefs I used to have and the anxiety I got when approaching a girl.

Now I don't even care anymore, my game has become so lazy that I practically don't do anything anymore.

I've had threesomes, foursomes, sex with teachers, sex in the public pool, in the library, sex in classrooms, had girls begging me to suck my dick, improved my style in general, made me a smarter person...

All this in exchange for not genuinely feeling love anymore. I am now indifferent to things. If my best friend would fuck my girlfriend, I'd high-five him. And I'd exchange all this for love.

But yeah, maybe the grass is greener on the other side or I'm just having a shitty day.

How come only males are making such complaints after achieving some kind of goal?

The business excutive, the lawyer, the player: "meh, what's going to happen after this"

It's so common. Yet you barely hear females saying this.

It's because you strive towards a goal, there you find your drive and motivation to work towards a certain goal. Once the goal has reached..... What's next?

You do something stupid, sell your business, buy a boat and try finding happyness in material things.

Why?

Because you're not enjoying doing what you do.

I'll even throw in a cliché for ya: It's the journey that counts, not the goal.

Women seem to have this down, hence you never hear them complain. You can call it short-sighted. But hey, you barely hear them complain about that stuff.

There has to be balance though, having goals isn't a bad thing. You actually should have goals in order to get somewhere in life. Just don't lose yourself in them.


And yeah, once you fix a problem, it gets replaced with something else. But that's just life. Deal with it. Enjoy dealing with it, because that's going to be the way it will be going down for a long, looooong time. Or you can just call it quits and throw yourself infront of a train...

Just kidding, hope you get my point.

I'm not complaining or anything, I'm just stating the truth, it's human nature to question these things I guess.

Anyway, houseparty at a mates tonight, gone have a blast

Thanks guys. Ya same here, not complaining at all, this journey/transformation has been AMAZING and im excited to see what else is in store for me. I'm just getting a little older now and things start to take on a deeper meaning to me.

Tomorrow there is a massive street party in Tampa called Gasparila. I am loading my camelbak up with the tucker max death mix and see what kinda trouble i can get into, or women for that matter.

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~Carmo~

Now I'm gonna repeat my Short Course On Emotional Health. It only has 2 rules, that you should be applying to your life all the time.

• Be honest with yourself about your own baggage. Don't lie to yourself about it. Understand your problems. Work through them. Find solutions.
• Do not allow emotionally unhealthy people into your lives. Get them OUT. Keep them out.

There, that's it. Know yourself, and have standards. Problems solved.
This is evil, but it's good news to some of us that PUAs burn out! Otherwise all the up-and-coming RAFCs wouldn't have a chance, LOL. Seriously though, this problem actually happens in Mormon communities. Polygamy where it's 1 husband, many wives is a shit deal for the younger men who don't have any wives. We need to teach those Mormon wife-lords PUA so they can burn out, ROTFLMAO.

Never here them complain? thats a joke right? lol.
These are all things an AFC would think would pick up ladies as well, Being things is desirable in society. If a girls hottness was based on their status(how far up they are in life/how many goals theyve achieved relative to other girls) then they would be in the same boat as guys.


Some girls dream of being a millionaire, most just hope to end up marrying one.
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AS for the OP that's shitty and I feel ya, but I knew what I wanted so I keep girls farther away, maybe u should try the same. I keep them away though because girls getting to close to my life would disrupt my routine.

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Inner game is the core, outer game is just an expression of it