So you have your eye on that cute waitress from the bar. What's your best approach? Should you be direct, indirect? What line should you use?
Take it from me: the best approach is no approach.

"BUT ROZ! WHY!?"
Read on...

Firstly, we're not allowed to give you our number. I don't know how other places are run, but at the sports bar where I work, our supervisor takes this rule very seriously- we can't give it, and we can't accept yours, so don't even bother asking.

Something you should know is that many men leave us their numbers. Good strategy? NOT. I find them all the time on napkins, scrap pieces of paper... $50 bills left as a tip... (Wait, what !? Yeah, true story... and no, I did not call the guy; just an FYI: trying to buy the girl off like that? Not impressive.) We throw these numbers out (unless we can spend whatever they're written on) because after a long night of waiting tables, we don't even remember who "Bobby" or "Mike" or "Dexter" is- after all, we wait on a lot of guys; go ahead and leave your number with the tip, but don't hold your breath waiting for us to call.

So now you're probably thinking "Oh okay! Well then I'll just have to get her attention- make her remember me; set myself apart from the pack!"
Let me kill that dream for you too...

We hate it when you try to engage us in conversation. While I'm standing there, smiling and nodding along, listening to the "funny" story of whatever you and the guys did that night, do you know what I'm thinking? "Hurry the fuck up and order your beer already." Uh yeah... sorry guys, that's the harsh truth. We're busy, we're tired, we have a bunch of tables to wait on, we DON'T have the time or the patience for conversation. All we want to do is our job: take your order, and go. Don't be fooled by how interested we seem to be in what you're saying, because it's all a ploy for a bigger tip fellas. Be the guy that says "common, shut up and let the girl do her job"; you can bet her smile is genuine when she hears that.

Also, don't bother with pick-up lines. We've heard them all- twice. After everyone leaves and we're left to close the bar, we sit around, talk, and laugh at all the lines we've heard that night. We all have our defenses up, from the minute we get in to work to the minute we close- nothing you say will seem genuine; don't bother.

Don't mistake our smiles, compliments, and flirting for IOIs. They're not. I smile at you in the same way I smiled at that 70 year old man who sat in your seat the night before. It's our job to be nice, and we know that the more we flirt and bat our eyelashes at you, the more generous you'll be when it comes to tipping. Also, we want to keep our customers- if some guy walks in and tells the seating hostess he wants X to wait on him tonight, she has to inform our supervisor at the end of the week, and X comes off looking very good. Our job is to be as charming as possible so we can keep the guys coming back; sometimes this means throwing compliments your way, flirting with you, listening to your stories, asking questions, seeming interested, and smiling- don't flatter yourselves.



"Okay Roz, we get it- now how about you tell us what we can do."

The way you're most likely to get her is to approach her when she's off work. However, don't:

1. Ask her if she can hang out after her shift. If her shift is anything like my shift, she'll be off late, tired, and the last thing she'll want to do after spending her whole Friday night getting hit on is get together and get hit on some more- by you.

2. Follow her to her car. For the love of God, don't follow the girl out to her car after her shift is over because you want to ask her out. You will scare her.


What you need to do is find out where she hangs out when she's not on the job, and run in to her there. Get a friend to ask her where she likes to go eat or drink on her days off etc. Then, when you see her, you can say something like "Hey, you look familiar... don't you work at X?"

Of course, this is just my perspective, and the perspective of the girls that I work with.
And yes, it depends on how popular the bar she works at is, how many tables she has to wait on, etc. but keep what I've said above in mind. Like always, there are exceptions.

Good luck


-Roz

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If a waitress or other hired gun does want to give you her number ( it can happen) but can't be seen passing it on then put your cell phone into record function and speak the number into it. I think it was gambler came up with this one, it works well I have used it twice with success.

Hey Roz,how about just going direct,why all the fuzz stalking the waitress,trying to
find where she hangs out when u can go with a

Hello,this is gonna sound unusual,but i just noticed u working here and I have
to tell u,ur absolutely gorgeous,i'd love to have a chat with u when ur not busy
working,ur cool with that?

now notice,i'm not being just flattering here giving her a genuine compliment,but
i also let her decide if she's cool with having a chat later,i believe that's more
comfortable for a woman,so assuming she likes u,she's comfortable with ur approach and agrees, u then go:

let's exchange numbers and i'll give u a call later

i want to hear ur thoughts on this,i'm a true believer that showing ur true
intent to the other person,being honest with ur approach is uncomparable,
no matter how many dating systems get developed out there,it'll still remain
solid in making a first positive,great impression with others

Alexander

We hear it all the time.

"Aww, thank you so much! I'm very flattered, but unfortunately we're not allowed to accept dates, just orders... now what kind of beer did you say you wanted?"

Yeah, that's my response. Of course then you'll have those who insist: "Well then I order you to go out with me", "Well I'll wait for your shift to end" in which case I say "Again, I'm flattered, but I really can't... so how about that beer?"

It's a hard situation to be in because we have to turn the guys down in a really, really nice way- we can't risk getting them mad because we (i) don't want to lose them as costumers, and (ii) don't want to lose our tip.

I like direct approach, and it's really effective during the day when I'm out and about; but at work things are different- I don't respond to it there so much because I get it all the time. You say you're giving her a genuine compliment, but she's use to guys with drunken confidence coming on to her this way when she's on the job- "This bar has the hottest staff, but you're the best looking one here", "I love that uniform on you", "You're gorgeous", "hot", "pretty" etc etc ETC.

And like I've already said, we're not allowed to give out our numbers; very very rarely do the girls I work with risk it.



-Roz

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i get what ur saying, I'm realising that the way the guys follow it up is lame,
like for example "Well then I order you to go out with me" that's chessy,
there's not a waitress in the world that's gonna think "oh! he made a funny comment
about that,i'll give him a chance" it's plain ridiculous
or even worse "Well I'll wait for your shift to end" this is just uncomfortable,
and I bet waitresses roll up their eyes when they hear that thing,knowing that
they'll still have to be nice to the guys cause that's gonna keep them coming,
instead of brushing him off for getting needy.

I believe in holding the frame no matter what,so here's what I'd say to
a waitres that tells me
"Aww, thank you so much! I'm very flattered, but unfortunately we're not allowed to accept dates, just orders... now what kind of beer did you say you wanted?"

I understand that ur boss has been pressing u to keep away from getting intimate
with the costumers and I probably shouldn't have tried to get to know each other
cause I'm sure there's been a parade of guys acting all needy around you,
and that the best they ever get from u is probably a fake number,
so tell me,how can a cute guy like me get a chance with u in a situation like this? *smiles*

I'm pacing her reality,aknowledging that I understand what's going on,
and that's attractive,it makes the other person go "he understands my position"
"he's on the same page with me" and it's extremely intriguing cause it builds rapport,another thing i do is i throw a challenge at her,asking how I can pick her
up it just puts the ball into her court,really cool guys don't take much time to
explain themselves or try to prove points,they just know that they deserve something and they just simply get it,that's what I'm pointing out with the question,I'm like saying "what do u suggest doing then if everything's against me?"
And the last point is the "how can a Cute guy like me" part,
it's a bit cocky,at her expense,i think it suits being there cause telling her all that
feels a bit needy,so that "cute" is an edgy way of calibrating it with something
self amusing

ur thoughts on it

You think saying this makes you attractive, but all I see is yet another guy tying to convince me to give him a number that I'm not allowed and don't want to give; "Man, it must suck for you... having to run around, getting hit on by drunks all the time"; yes, I've heard it before, and I smile when a guy pretends to sympathize, all the while I'm thinking: "Aw, how sweet... now order your fucking drink, I have a job to do".
My thoughts on the situation are exactly the same as they were in my original post: the best approach is no approach. You're better off targeting her outside of work.

Do you think you're the first to approach her in the manner you've just described? "So how can I go about contacting you if you're not allowed to give me your number?" There's nothing new or special about it... sure, you have the right idea- it can work, but you'll find the odds are minimal when you apply this tactic on a waitress.


-Roz

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roz, where are you from?

So in other words don't game waitresses?

i'm not convinced,behind every waitress there's a different woman,
each has her own things going on,some are single looking for a relationship,
some are engaged,some have just broken up,some are feeling fine and carefree.
Sure the chances of succeeding here are lower if u assume that every waitress
gets hit on the same ammount of time,which is not true, but my experience in
dating has shown me if you show ur intent,instead of hidding it like the majority
of men and women do,then soon somebody will reciprocate ur interest,no matter
if he/she's called a waitress,a doctor,a businesswoman etc.

I appreciate ur effort though for getting that info out,it's great knowing what's
the mentality behind a woman in this situation

Come on Jurupa,you know Roz doesnt mean that exclusively.

I totally agree with Roz's insight on sarging her off work.

I only banter with waitresses but rarely ever try pick up.

I attempted it 3 times,as I can remember over the years,the vibes were great 2 out of 3 occasiaons but never # closed.

Great post Roz.

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The reason hired guns are hired mostly its because sex sells...
Of course you can pick them up, you just have to be original and different from the other douche bags thats ever tried.
If she has a few dry spells in the past month this is how she would think
Pick them up when they are in a good mood not in a shitty mood, you can tell when someone is stressed by their body language and of course you dont want to approach those types of person, if you do I suggest you come back another time when she is smiling. I would suggest to pick them up ealy from the start of her shift instead of the end and plan to hook up the next day or so, Ive worked behind the bar before and I do agree with Roz on some parts

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Three Types of Players:
1) Those who doesn't know whats happening
2) Those who watch what happens
3) Those who make it happen

Not only have I seen a bar staff give their number away without being asked for it, but have heard about it happening to others. Maybe at your job they are strict but i'm sure its not a big deal elsewhere.

I agree with the post above, of course you can pick up the hired gun if you are different/interesting/exciting.

@Machida-Im assuming you watch UFC too(lol).

Anyway,I know many places where the bar staff's are under pressure to not give out #'s.

Few times while out with buddies,I've seen supervisors discipline waitresses & bartenders about being too friendly with customers.

Lastly,who says that that # is real?

I believe most times,it's a fake # she's giving,or even if it's her real #,I guarantee she wont answer when you call.

These girl are hit on too much!

So it isnt possible for them to give their #'s to every guy or every decent guy.

She wont be able to keep up.

So why go the distance for a throw-away # or most-likely a fake #?

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Depends of the place, some friends have pick up waitresses several times. Both by asking for number or by waiting for them when they finished their day, late at night, and then going out for some drinks. So, not impossible, just a matter of knowing where and when iis ok to do it. Heck, i've got a couple of numbers of girls right in their workplace recently. So once more, depends how you do things.

Depends on the place and the rules.

Of course in a bar which has no restrictions on certain things,the percentages of # closes would be higher opposed to a spot with enforced rules.

Where Roz works,Im figuring it's strict,thus less chances to truely progress to # exchanges.

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