| Alright, this is actually from the top of my head, later on when I have time I'll definitely turn this into a more detailed post.
My new life as a student is about two months old now and I've learned a great deal about social dynamics because I joined a fraternity. It's the only unmixed fraternity in Holland, so I've learned a great deal about socializing with men. And social interaction.
When I go out to clubs and bars or any social gatherings, it always strikes me how guys are so rude and competitive towards each other. They will fight for the same girl, steal girls, ignore each other, focus all of their attention on a girl etc. Whereas we should actually be helping each other.
I'll give some examples:
A. A guy- let's call him Kyle- is chatting a few girls and guys up in a bar. They're standing in a group. Out of the blue a friend- let's call him Ike- walks up to Kyle and tries to join the convo/group dynamic, he doesn't know the rest of the group. Now guys something that happens so often is that Kyle sort of glances up to Ike
but then discards him and continues talking to the group. This is a Major Offense.
The right thing to do for Kyle as a fellow man, is to shake Ike's hand- thereby recognizing him- and then briefly introducing him to the group. Moreover, before Kyle continues talking to the group, he should brief Ike about the topic- for example "Hey man, we were just talking about this and this etc."
B. Another thing you should always do, is never join a group empty handed. When you walk around in a social gathering/pub/club and you see various friends and colleagues, you should always offer them something if you see them. This will be greatly appreciated, and you'll come off generous. For example in my fraternity, you always bring beer, when you join the group, you offer each of them a beer. (if there's more than 3 people in the group you don't have to give each of them a beer of course)
C. Another thing is body-language. When you're in a group and you're in control, you should make sure that everyone is having a good time. That's your duty. So when a friend of yours comes over and wants to join the group, you make sure that the group physically opens up to him and makes room for him. When you talk, you talk to everyone, you share your attention. Too often do I see that in groups of 3-4 guys, one dude is getting left out or even completely ignored. That sort of behavior really gets me pissed off. Us men should stick together.
D. Lastly, we are all wingmen. I'll give you an example of how to handle a situation where girls are involved, it happened last night:
I was in a bar with a few guys from my fraternity and there were a lot of girls, even for Utrecht's (city in Holland) standards. I was talking to my friends, and at a certain moment, one dude introduced a girl to me. I said hi, chatted with her for a while, and then a friend of mine comes up to us. I know this guy well, and I know his qualities- he's an absolute star in card tricks. So I loudly welcome him, introduce him to the girl, AND I tell her how awesome he is in card tricks. Just by telling her this, I'm increasing his value to her, and after this the girl was into him.
Of course when you fancy the girl yourself you don't have to do this. Wink
That's all for today, I'll try to find more practical etiquette rules and manners and write a more thorough post about this. Hope you found this helpful, any input or personal experience is always welcome.
_________________
_________________
"To know what people really think, pay regard to what they do, rather than what they say. "
René Descartes
|
CHAT