I belive the level of "socialness" and energy level are very diffrent depending in what arena the game takes place.

In clubs, larger bars etc a lot of energy and socialness creates attention and gives you value. Being "oversocial" is a good thing there. Makes you stand out.

But in smaller and more restricted settings like a houseparty with 15 people or a restaurant table with 8 people there is no need to be the center of attention in that way. Shutting the fuck up or just having a conversation with one person gives you value.

I was out yesterday and ended up going with 10 people I've never met before to an afterparty at this girls house. We met while eating the shit everyone eats after drinking for 10 hours.

I sat down in a corner and talked to this guy for maybe and hour.
The girl got us drinks, sat for a few minutes here and there and talked.

I didnt pull any tricks, I didnt tell any stories. Just sat there talking to this guy.
People at the afterparty then started to approach me, curious about who I was.

By not being social at all (to me that is not approaching) I controlled the frame.
People didnt know who I was or what to expect from talking to me. So they adjusted.
I just sat there and as people started to go home I had pretty much talked to everybody without even getting up.

As I was about to leave the girl came back and sat beside me.
We where all alone and she asked if I wanted to stay.

Not being social gave me a real value bump and an element of mystery,
since I as a total stranger in unknown territory wasnt looking for validation or
acted needy be accepted I just simply had to be a really cool guy in their eyes.

_________________
Vino, vedi, vici.
I drank some wine, I saw her, I conquered

In other words one should be socially aware of their surroundings and adjust to them.

This makes a lot of sense. Thanks

+1

_________________
Vino, vedi, vici.
I drank some wine, I saw her, I conquered

yeah, calibrating to your situation is important

i've seen plenty of uncalibrated folks who over-compensate and act way too crazy and energetic for the occasion. it's like "chill bro", relax. but then again i'm definitely on the "laid back" side of the spectrum myself.

_________________
"going to workout and shit." -stunt101 (PUA chat)

It's important to gauge your energy relative to how much stimuli is in the place. Some places require a lot less effort to hold attention that others.

This is why I can't do clubs. They're a terrible fit for mellow people.

At the same time however, I do think you should always be at a slightly higher energy level if you are opening a set. When you make an approach if you don't beat the energy in the room, then you are the one bringing it down. Yeah, when you are talking to friends and just socializing, you don't have to go overboard. And you don't have to be buggy eyed to be high energy. It's not about being high energy, actually, just being a half step above the vibe in the venue.

Excellent post.

Thank you.

_________________
Vino, vedi, vici.
I drank some wine, I saw her, I conquered

Makes sense, in an environment like that, there's no need to impress everyone else like a showmonkey, you're simply enjoying your time.

_________________

i believe that you just have to display that you're a social man. and you can do this in different ways. making sure that everybody notice's you is a good thing. but don't overdo it. cuse this looks needy. i like to do a little mindread. and suddenly everybody want's one. so in this moment everybody is interested. and than i'll lay low for a while. after a while i'll do someting else interesting. do a cointrick or something. but do it like you're just amusing yourself.

Really good post. Also i'll be curious about the role of the guy you were talking to inside the group, which could help you maybe.