I've always had strong feelings for this girl. I met her when I was 16 and we dated but I broke her heart. Then I got another chance about 6 months ago and we tried again. It was going really well but she would constantly test me and more often than not I failed those tests. She slowly lost her attraction for me, we started fighting more and more and finally I walked away. I couldn't do it anymore and she really didn't want anything to do with me anyways so I just broke contact with her. I had been moving on and finally let go of her.

Then I get a call and her dad suddenly passed away. This happened four days ago. Immediately I told her that I was there for her and tried to support her but she wouldn't answer my calls or anything. I feel as if she can't trust me because of our past and she won't open up to me at all.

I have mixed feelings. The strongest being that I regret all the immature crap I said and did and wish that we were still together so I could be there for her. I feel like the majority of my reaction to this is selfish. I want her back so that I can be there for her but she won't even take my calls.

This is what I have done. I told her I was there for her if she needed me and I sent flowers to the family because I respect her father a lot. I care about her a lot too. I really do think that I love her and that is why I think the only thing I can do here is let her go. I take responsibilty for the fact that my actions led us to this point. She never treated me well at all but I didn't treat her well either. I proved to be untrustworthy and now when I want to be there the most, she won't even pick up her phone.

Partially, I am posting this to vent but also to get any insight into the situation.

I care about her a lot but she won't respond to me.
I feel like the last person she wants around is me.
I don't know exactly what I should be doing but I am leaning towards letting go completely and just returning to not contacting her.

What do you all think?

_________________
Ahead of my time, like I live my whole life backwards.

Air Supply I'm all out of love

(Lyrics)

I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too but what else can we do
Tormented and torn apart
I wish I could carry your smile and my heart
For times when my life feels so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know


Chorus:
I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I 'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong


I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from this long lonely nights
I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too
Does the feeling seem oh so right
And what would you say if I called on you now
And said that I can't hold on
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone, I'll be gone


Chorus


Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?


Chorus(3x)












































Now, stop crying. Look what you did. You told you'd be there for her, etc etc etc, yada yada yada. You showed compassion.

What does she do in return? Ignore you.



Conclusion:

waste of time

If you'd have ANY self-respect you'd have figured this out a looooong time ago. You don't have to put up with her shit. You showed you cared, she ignored you. MOVE ON.


If she truly wanted you around her she wouldn't be ignoring you.

You sir, are an idiot.



p.s.

Bitches be crazy,

not everything is your fault.

There it is.

Well you're right. I let her know I cared and that is all I had to do to clear my own conscience. Now I am just going back to being done with her because the same reasons I couldn't stand her before are still going to be there.

_________________
Ahead of my time, like I live my whole life backwards.

^I think that is a really dumb and inconsiderate answer.

I can kind of relate because the girl who I've had such an intense relationship, like yours, I broke up with maybe 3 or 4 years ago now. We went out for 2 years. I was never unfaithful, but, I broke up with her in a bad way. And like you, she won't return my calls etc. I even deleted her from facebook (lol immature I know) because she just deletes anything I write on her wall. It's pretty saddening for me because I give all my value and status just to ask her to meet over a coffee and she won't even answer. Other girls would beg for this.

For your situation I think you've absolutely done the right thing. Great effort. I think all you can do now is sit back and leave it really. If she wants to contact you, she can. You've shown your hand, you've put in your end of the deal. There's nothing more you can do. You could apologise for the things you've done in the past. That's what I feel I should do. But yeah, other than that, I think you ought to just leave it...but I think you know this already.

All I'm saying is, I wish her all the best and also your situation. The bottom line is to keep her happy/not to hurt her. Everything else is secondary, though it would be good to keep your emotions in check too. Let go of that which you can't change.

All the best x

Thanks Raf, I appreciate your response. It was much more mature. I know I'm not an idiot and I would never hurt her again.

I am thinking about waiting a couple months and sending her a letter apologizing for everything I have done to her and just letting her know that it all seems some miniscule now. I know we will never be the same and I know we will never be back together.

It hurts a lot but as they say, I have to stay focused on my life. I feel as if I dodged a bullet because if we were still together through this, I think it would have taken us both down into depression.

Either way, like you said. I showed what I'm all about. None of the shit in the passed means anything to me when she needed me most. I respect her time and her feelings right now, which I can't begin to understand.

All I am going to do is be there if I'm needed and not run and hid from the pain. I feel like I handled this in the right way and so I can sleep at night now after a couple of sleepless nights.

Anyways, thanks for the considerate response. To the other guy, I hear where you are coming from but I think I am far from an idiot for caring about someone else who was a big part of my life. She might not want me around but that doesn't mean I'm not going to be if she were to really need someone.

This one phrase sums it all up and I thank you for the empathy Rafiel.

_________________
Ahead of my time, like I live my whole life backwards.

I applaud you for really caring and letting her know you care.

Seriously, there are a lot of people around here who wouldn't look back just because the person hurt them in the past. What's done is done, and you've proven yourself to be more mature.

One could probably tie this into PUA, but I see no reason.

My sympathy.

_________________
Don't hate, just dominate.

UPDATE
She did get back to me and it felt really good that my flowers made a difference

Thank you so much for the flowers. We appreciate them so much. My mom came home and was genuinely thankful and very happy that you sent them to the house. They didn’t get lost in the hustle and bustle of a funeral home and we really are able to find comfort in them here at home. Thank you so much.

I just told her I was a phone call away if she ever needed me and that everything will be ok and to stay strong. Now I am returning to no contact but I will leave the door open for her to come to me. I guess I'll just have to put my feelings for her aside and just try to be there if she needs me. Before this all happened, I had no problem ignoring her calls but I can't justify that now.

Anyways, I think this just taught me a lot about being a man and doing the right thing. Throwing what you want aside for what is best and making sure your feelings don't get in the way of what is right. There are no answers outside of our selves and when you dig deep you find the answer to anything inside. There is a lot to be learned about men in general from this experience and a lot of it can be applied to PUA.

Doing the right thing and being able to control your emotions.
Making sure you don't hurt the people you care about most, you can never know what will happen and when you can't be there for someone because you hurt them is the worst feeling in the world.
Don't take PUA too far, at some point just be a human being.
It's so easy to take life for granted until its gone.
Make sure the people you love know how much you love them because they could be gone at any moment.
How well can you maintain your strength and stay focused on your path no matter what is happening externally.
Not every single girl has to be attracted to you and just because you broke up doesn't mean you can't still be there for someone and let go of the romantic intentions.

Many of the "PUA" I talked to said I was a moron who shouldn't even talk to her or answer her calls and next her or whatever. I chose a different path and I feel a hell of a lot better knowing that I did the right thing instead of the PUA method for dealing with an ex-girlfriend. Who cares if my heartbreak is worse because of it. Who cares if she thinks I still care about her, I do. The second I let go of trying to "attract her" or win her back was the second I began to understand what she was going through right now. I saw it from her perspective and not my own selfish motivation.

I could have gotten revenge on her and not been there. I could have said to hell with you, you burned me and you got what you deserved. But what kind of man does that? Maybe that is what some PUA would have done, I don't know. Everyone is different. But at some point I realized that this is real life and real people.

Show me a man who chooses revenge over compassion and I'll show you a coward.

_________________
Ahead of my time, like I live my whole life backwards.

Too bad your answers are too witty man;

You completely made me feel for ya.

PUA, as I would say, isn't about the "playing" with the chicks, nor about being the world's greatest player (though that is a huge bonus).

If you are in this community, and you are here to learn how to better yourself, casthenova is the way to go. I myself may be a "noob" or whatever, but I know for sure that I would choose good ethics and good morals and a great personality with AFC skills than to be a player who ignores people.

When people think of being the nice guy, they think of AFC because they force themselves to be, so that they can get chicks.

When people CHOOSE to be the nice guy, with the power (casthenova could choose not to care), thats called alpha.

Seriously, would you date a SUPER-HOT whore who leads all the guys by the nose, but has the coldest personality, or the nice, cute chick who actually has feelings?

This might sound over-dramatic, but I just wanna say Thumbs Up for casthenova for sticking up for himself, believing he's right, and doing the right thing.

I think that you did a great thing.

She needed a friend and you were there for her. Everything else is secondary including the protection of ones own selfconfidence.

She was going through a lot and even if she doesnt get back to you immediately, I think that she really wanted to btw, she appreciated it.


People, never forget that, yes we are PUAs but above all, we are humans!