I have a theory that I would like to introduce and hear feedback on. I have been considering what the real importance of life and love is. I have been considering whether all women lie, cheat and deceive for power. I have been considering whether I will ever fall in love, or will just constantly have meaningless sex and one night stands with immature little GIRLS, let alone a real woman. I have been considering if love even exists or if it is just some lie to have men take the backseat to women's needs in other to better serve their evolutionary needs.


Do you believe in love? Do you believe there is ONE girl out there that would be the perfect spitting image of what you want in a woman?

Here is my new frame about women. As soon as you exhibit one trait that is not my ideal women, shouldn't she be nexted?

Shouldn't YOU withold sex because your genes are too valuable to give to any woman that is not your ideal?

Isn't that the pinnacle of value, withholding your genes?

I can understand that a lot of you guys have sex with many different women, and consider that a vital aspect of your lives, but I wonder sometimes wheter that is the way to go about love.

I have said this before, I am not a PUA. I don't go sarging, I don't use openers, routines, methods or anything of the sort. I guess you could consider me more of a natural, but I am here to offer my perspective and also to learn from others who have been in the same boat as me.

As a PUA, how do you deal with the constant immaturity and lack of quality women? How do you deal with the idea that you would meet that one person that would be your ideal?

I can't tell you how many people complain about flaws their girlfriends have and i just say to myself, shouldn't we be nexted a girl the second she has a fatal flaw?

Wild in the bedroom
Attracted to her
Actually care about her.
Want to protect her.
Good
Faithful
Positive
Career oriented
Focused
Driven
Intelligent
Spiritual

As soon as you don't exhibit one of these ideal behaviors, you should be dumped. That is my new mentality and I frame all women as attempting to secure MY genes. I don't give that away, or at least I am trying to resist the sex life that I have created. It is not leaving me fulfilled, I wonder if any of you feel this way. If any of you came into this game believing that love was the most important thing, only to get beaten and battered into a "player" who uses women for pleasure.

Has sex become meaningless to any of you?

What is your reaction to withholding sex from women because they aren't the caliber of mate that you would risk getting pregnant.

_________________
Ahead of my time, like I live my whole life backwards.

I think you're coming at this with the wrong mindset, bro.



You have to stop looking for your 'one true' love, you wont find her. Seriously. You have to let her find you.

As much as I don't like to play along the whole romanticised ideas about love, I stand firmly with my previous statement.


You need to start loving each girl for who they are. Love each girl as much as the next. How can you begin to love any girl if you're constantly judging them against some rigid set of standards.

All my girls I feel most strongly towards, are the ones I can't explain why I like them. Even the ones who arent the hottest, I can find it very hard to explain why I like them, in fact, with some, I can't think of any reason, just that I do.


If you carry this mindset around with you, especially the one where you seem to view girls as these evil enemies with some secret hidden agenda, ninjas of love. Then you're likely going to end up finding no girl that you love, and if you do find her, you'll only end up pushing her away with your psycho paranoid schizophrenic views about her.




Much Love


~Finesse

_________________
Munroe: "I kinoed the hell out of that goat"
Jav: "bashing chodes 24/7 ftw"
Slywalker: "Neg the bagel"
Slywalker: "I had a 1yr old GF when I was 19"
SS_Trunks:I asked her for an extra pen, confidently....

Well thats something that I realized this past week after reading a post by Kasabi. I basically resent women. I've been with over 50 and all of them have turned out the exact same.

Either way, so you don't believe in screening traits in women? You just simply love them for what they are, but really are you just having them around for sex?
I judge them against a rigid set of RED FLAGS. Do you do this? Or just simply because of looks, she is in for your books. The reason I do this is because of so many failed relationships with girls that have qualities that are horrible for someone to have in a relationship.

Jealousy, Controlling, Games, Heavy Drinking and Partying. All of these traits are impossible to have a healthy relationship with me, so I am always looking for these.
Well, I agree with you here. I do have a horrble mindset about women. I guess that is why I posted this. Have you met quality women or do you not think about it?

In almost all of my relationships I have been played, cheated on and screwed over and then completely forgotten and heart broken. Until I started sleeping with women and telling them I didn't want a relationship they chased me for months sleeping with me whenever I wanted.

The only problem is this is against what I believe. Why can't there be a women who just wants to meet someone, wants to have a connection and is normal just like a normal guy?

I consider the game playing to be low quality and immature. Maybe you don't read into it that much? I'm just looking for someone that is real and I think my new screening process will work a lot better then going out and having one night stands or meeting fuck buddies.

_________________
Ahead of my time, like I live my whole life backwards.

Yeah, man. The reason I commented, isn't because I'm riding aout on some moral high horse, but because I can relate to how you feel.

Now although I personally haven't had chicks fuck me over as such, I've seen it happen to friends, and aware it happens, and indeed, sometimes I've been the dude that has enabled that to happen.

That being said, I also fluctuated through periods of loving chicks, to periods where I felt exactly as you do!

Not entirely sure how I overcame this. I guess you just got to realise it will do you no good, and it will do your relationships no good.



Of course, I in a sense have 'screening' traits, I guess you could say. If a girl is so far stuck up her own ass, or has some kind of disgusting attitiude towards people and life, then I'd rather not be involved with her.


One of my best female friends, has tonnes of traits and little things about her that get on my tits, but I still love her. I've had girlfriends, who I've had things about them I didn't like. These things only used to be miniscule, and didn't affect my feelings much, but she allowed them to amplify, and became a really pretentious self righteous chick, and I didn't dig that, so I simply moved on.


no need to be judging them though, with a strict list of specifications, you're not buying a washing machine or fridge freezer



Looks have nothign to do with them getting in my good books, well, I do lie, but my decisions on looks arent always based on 'oh she looks hot', it's strange, there are some girls, who just have something about them, they may not always be the typical 'hot' stereotype, but they have soemthing that appeals to me.




I keep noticing your sig... and it seems, you are doing exactly what it says. You're kind of allowing yourself to not be how you want to be. And this will likely only further your resentful feelings towards girls.



Im not sure what else to suggest, but I'm sure, that within time, you'll work it out, bro.




Much Love
---
~Finesse

_________________
Munroe: "I kinoed the hell out of that goat"
Jav: "bashing chodes 24/7 ftw"
Slywalker: "Neg the bagel"
Slywalker: "I had a 1yr old GF when I was 19"
SS_Trunks:I asked her for an extra pen, confidently....

I believe that there is a strong difference between love and sex. If you want sex, by all means play the game and go to nightclubs every weekend. If you want love, you have to take a different approach.

Girls that go to clubs are generally party girls. New dress every week, new shoes, take an hour to get ready with makeup and do their hair. Tits and ass. This suggests high maintenance, higher chance of having emotional issues, higher chance of putting out and K-closing. They are usually fun to go out with but turn into a crazy mess in a relationship. When you go to a nightclub you pick up based on looks.

If you want to find a girl you can love, I believe you have to take a more structured approach. You need to pick up based on personality. Look at yourself, look at what you want in a partner and I stress the word partner. Make a list. Make a list of attributes (non-physical) you want your partner to have and make a list of deal breakers.

Extract from My List:
- must be able to spell correctly and have a decent vocabulary.
- must NOT use the words youse or y'all. must be able to tell the difference between then and than.
- must NOT be a smoker.
- must read literature other than magazines.
- must be creative in conversations and would be able to discuss issues on anything ranging from politics to how to fortify your home in case of a zombie invasion. (This is particularly important to me!)
- must have a sense of humour, specifically be able to enjoy black humour such as Dylan Moran stand-up comedy, IT Crowd (TV show) and Red Dwarf (TV show).
- must be IT savvy and have a healthy interest in new technology. Preferably be a little bit of a nerd in this area. (I like comic books, play computer games and go to nerd conventions.)
- must know how to use a knife and fork. (You wouldn't believe the kind of guys we get in Australia.)
- must have a job.
- must not have a rat-tail.

The list is by no means complete but gives an idea of what I would be looking for. Its quite specific but if you're looking for love, you're pretty much looking for 1 person in 6 billion. They don't have to meet all the criteria on the list, but at least now you have a goal and you know what you're looking for. Love isn't some magical thing in the movies when 2 strangers bump into each other on the street and you fall into her baby blue eyes and live happily ever after. Love is earnt and worked for and when you have foundit, it should be cherished. It will make you feel on top of the world.

Once I had my list, I didn't go to nightclubs to pick up anymore. I went to after work drinks with friends and colleagues in some of the city bar & grills, upper class pubs and generally networked and expanded my social circle in a specificied area. People here were intelligent, funny, having drinks not to get drunk but just to unwind from the day. Perfect opportunity to get to know people and have an interesting conversation, and possibly make dinner plans or meet up again next week. The maturity level of the people you want to meet is equivalent to the choice of venue. Nightclub = drunk sluts. Nice bar or pub = educated crowd.

Don't hate the drunk sluts. They can be tonnes of fun and good for a laugh. Sometimes thats all people are looking for. They're not there for a conversation or a committed relationship. Instead, change your focus onto what you want from a woman and go out there and find it.


Good luck in your quest!

I kinda know where you are coming from.

Pre-game, i was a chode, but i ended up with this girl, really nice body, great in bed, but i didn't want to spend time with her, it was weird, i watched as my friends sunk there teeth into the first girlfriends they had. I was not like that, i thought, if I'm not going to end up with this woman, whats the point being with her?

Fast forward till the present and i'm still looking for that girl, "the one". But i think you have to focused on what they do right, rather than what they do wrong, or you might end up dumping the girl you supposed to be with because of a minor infraction of your rules, before she can grow into your idea woman.

But hey, you have a great list to screen for during a set. Always nice to have in your mind.

I want to personally thank you for your posts. Something from each of yours gave me new insight and helped to answer some questions I had about other's perspectives.

Finesse It hasn't done me or my relationships any good. I take responsibility that maybe my relationships have been the way they are because of me.
I guess I am coming from an overly cautious perspective and should losen my standards a little bit. I know women hate being judged and I don't want to be the person who judges everything they do. I guess really I just have my guard up.
Maybe so, I came here with the post to find out other's perspectives on an issue that has been in my mind the entire time. Something about Picking Up women doesn't work with me. I just know it isn't me, but I came here to learn how to be the best person I could for when I do meet girls that I actually like. I am not looking for a one true love, I am looking for a good person or several good women that want a relationship. I just haven't seen it yet, and I have been in MANY fuck buddy/mono relationships. I wonder if it exists anymore, but I also am only 21 years old and game very immature girls.

Miss Babylon
Your post helped me immensely. I was feeling incredibly lost about this but you opened my eyes to what I knew all along.
Everything you said just changed my perspective on the whole game, believe it or not. It may seem simple, but I just got in the habit of thinking ALL girls are drunk party sluts to some level and need that high level of maintence and excitement. I just find it hard to believe that there are girls out there who value good conversation, depth, maturity, focus and drive. I think I have been gaming and investing in the wrong type of girl though.

Double J Good point and angle. I just have never dated a girl who has met any of my standards really, but I realize now that I was the one choosing women who I met in areas that suggested they weren't looking for the same things.

It is easiest blaming and resenting other people for not wanting the same things out of life, and instead I blame myself for not persuing girls that were good for me. I have met them before, I just never made any moves. Probably because I knew they would be good for me and I still wanted to prove something at some level about generalizing women.

There is a lot to be said about taking the principles of an ideal life and making them real instead of trying to desperately figure out what is real. It is hard to believe and accept but we can make life whichever way we want to believe it is. There will never be a "real world" that shows itself to our face and we will say OH that is the way it is! It is shaped by our beliefs, sometimes which are the most irrational ways of living out there and the furthest from the truth.

_________________
Ahead of my time, like I live my whole life backwards.