The problem with most "inner game" posts is they are incomplete. They're mostly just people parroting each other. You have the 2 main sides here, the group who try to attain confidence by just thinking it to be so, focusing on it, wanting it... Then you have the other side who thinks that gaining experience is the way... In reality these are both incomplete and both at least partially incorrect.

The process to change is simple:
Decide what you want
Figure out whats currently stopping you from getting it
Build sufficient leverage to spur action (motivation)
Take action
Develop action plan
Condition until permanent (experience)

Now obviously you need to have both schools of thought to truly improve... but here's the kicker... Leaving part of the plan out and it will fail you. Leave out the experience and it will fail you today (you'll never get there), leave out the setup and it will fail you tomorrow (You'll revert to your old ways).

The big debate here seems to be about the conditioning part... To that I say there is more then one way to skin a cat. Our conditioning is the result of how we perceive past and future events. If you focus only new events then you will always have a seed of doubt. You need to work on both.

Also confidence with women stems from your perception of yourself in many areas; how you feel about your looks, your conversational skills, your sexual ability, your sense of humor, the list goes on and on... working on any and all of these will help to improve your confidence with women.

So can you have great confidence without actually going out and getting new experiences? Yes... but it is horribly difficult, and why would you want that anyway? Isn't the point to use your confidence by interacting with people?

Can you get great confidence without going back and working on your perceptions of events passed? To that I would say "No". You can however get a good level of confidence, but it will always at least partially feel like a facade both to you and to those who are very socially savvy.

If building confidence was a car, "the setup" would be the tires and "taking action" would be the engine... you won't be truly successful in your pursuit unless you account for both.

View the original post on my blog: http://davidhartdating.blogspot.com/201 ... -talk.html

Sweet! I guess it depends on what part you find easier. It basically comes to you and you focus on the thing that is difficult...

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I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn