The thing is, is that when we tell other people our goals, we receive a sense of gratification from that goal even though we haven't achieved it yet. Therefore, we are less likely to fulfill that goal.

For instance, lets say Leroy wants to get ripped like the people he sees in the muscle magazines all the time. He tells Suzy. She's really happy for him. Leroy feels a sense of gratification from this because now she sees him as becoming a ripped guy. He hasn't even achieved his goal yet, but it almost feels like he did. Now he doesn't have as much motivation to get ripped like he did before. Furthermore, if he doesn't achieve his goal, it's going to show Suzy he isn't a strong individual. Literally and figuratively.

On the contrary, if Leroy doesn't tell anyone his goal of getting ripped, he is more likely to achieve it. By not telling Suzy, when he actually does get ripped, she's going to be really impressed, where before, it's already expected of him and she wouldn't be nearly as impressed. He's always looking forward to the end result, and is a lot more likely to achieve it.

In one clever study, they had students interested in becoming Psychologists list two activities that they would perform in the next week to help them achieve that goal. Half of the people handed what they wrote to the experimenter who read it over and acknowledged reading what they had written. The other half were told that the exercise of writing down their intentions was given to them in error, and that nobody would be looking at it. The following week, all of the participants were contacted again and were asked to remember the goals they had written down the previous week and then to write down how much time they had spent on those activities. The people whose goals were read by the experimenter actually spent less time pursuing those activities than the people whose goals were not read. A number of follow-up studies were presented as well that ruled out other explanations for this finding.

You're right, I should have been more clear. This mostly applies to identity goals, goals in which we try to find our personal self, which applies a lot to pick up.

You're probably not going to like the first source but I first read about it in Cosmopolitan. Then, I just read about something like it at this http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ult ... ell-anyone (my last paragraph is from this link)

Sources aside, I have experienced this in my own life. Through lifting, getting straight A's, getting good with women, etc. I told people those goals and guess what, I didn't feel as compelled to finish them because I felt that false sense of gratification when I told people. The contrary has held true, too. One example is I wanted to be the top employee at my work. I made that a goal for myself. This was not an easy task, and I didn't tell a soul. I was top employee for the week, and for the month. I highly doubt I would have been if people had known what I was aiming for. I'm surprised you can't say the same for yourself.

Just curious, you think it's the opposite? I would love to read your sources and personal experience on this.

Receiving compliments while striving for a goal are much more effective than receiving compliments if you're close to or already have achieved your goal.

I beg to differ. The feeling of fulfilling a goal and receiving compliments after finishing that goal is so much more rewarding and motivating than receiving compliments while trying to attain that goal




Hobbit,

I like your post, though I am a bit lost on your train of thought. You said that the idea of commitments and contingencies basically means being held accountable for our actions. How did you get that from Though, you are correct in that after telling someone our goal we feel obligated to fulfill it, only if that person truly does hold us accountable for it. However, a lot of people don't give a shit whether we finish that goal or not; instead, most will say "oh that's good for you." So, there would be that negative effect like I explained.

You also mentioned that we need to keep our goals salient on our minds at all times. I can see how telling people can help us with this, though there are a number of other ways to help keep those goals on our mind.

And I'm not sure how you got this from the research Do you really think that's what we're doing when we're studying for a test, or talking to women? Or do you think perhaps we are doing those things because we want to accomplish our goal?

I also just have to mention that the first experiment is just retarded because if you realize, it says Really they're saying they were stopped 16 out of 20 times, which is 80% not 20%. Just a little difference in their manipulation of the numbers. *sarcasm* Haha

This is the absolute truth
And it happens with me all the time and I never thought about it.

That shit about getting ripped happened to me. I was extremely motivated, then told all my friends about this amazing bodybuilding routine I adopted. And now I'm not even half as motivated as before. I left the routine and now I'm struggling to get back to it...

Thanks a lot for posting this. I'm not making this mistake anymore.

I'm not going to bother quoting sources because honestly this has been debated before and the results have always been exceptionally lopsided. (And though I didn't read Hobbits post, I'm guessing those are solid sources he cited)

The reason you should be sharing your goals is to provide accountability. If you don't share your goals with anyone but yourself it's easy let it slide... your only letting yourself down. If you share your goals and you don't make it, then you've failed, you've lied, you've lost.

I think the issue here is improper goal setting. Proper goal setting is measurable and on a timeline.

As for getting support with your goal when you tell people making you not want to try because you already got your validation. I would say you need to seriously reevaluate your goals... Set goals because they are what you want... if a little validation satisfies the want then guess what... you didn't really want your goal, you just wanted some validation. Nothing wrong with that, but it would be much easier and probably more healthy to just join some sort of support group, get your validation there and leave your goal setting for thins you actually want.

The Doctor, or Doc, whatever people call you on this, thanks for your post on setting goals it's money.

What I'm getting out of this post though, is that it greatly depends on the individual. I have yet to hear what works for you guys. I am going to assume though, by your guys' responses, that when you personally set goals, you tell people and that helps you achieve your goals someway or another.

The reason why I posted this is because I have noticed a huge difference in my own life. I had the hardest time achieving goals when I told people what I wanted. It just messed with my brain. However, since I have been keeping my goals to myself, I've had a much higher success rate. That's what works for me.

If anyone is having trouble keeping goals and notice that when they make goals they happen to let the world know, I suggest not telling anyone. See if that helps. As for me and a number of my friends, there's been a big difference.

Cheers