What bothers me right now, about PUAs



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Random T.
PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2010 2:42 pm 
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I posted this in my intro thread, but I guess there is not much trafic in that forum, so here it is.



A real "Game" is a game that you can lose.

Entering the Community, I noticed that a lot of PUA started out as nice AFCs, and became real PUA bastards. Hey, that's not mean : They just didn't give a crap about women anymore.

That *is* part of a lot of methods. You have to integrate in your subconscious the frame "I don't care about her". I understand : It's a way to be "alpha". It's a way to "convey value". It's also a way to avoid rejection...

But that's an easy way !
Rejection should not be easy.
In MY point of view, you have to give a crap.


Many people who try to become PUA think : When I'll meet a really nice girl, I will be able to seduce her and satisfy her.

But in reality... They may already have banged that girl, and already threw her number in their number-box.

The frame "I don't care about her" / "No girl is irreplaceable" is flawed.


Real courage is not "not being scared".

Real courage is pissing your pants but STILL going for it !


That's a desperate chivalrous Don Quixote thing but well, that's me.


That is my way. My True Game.
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Z-Wrex
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2010 4:44 pm 
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...ok?

You are half right, there are people in this community, as in every community that teaches some sort of philosophy (not necessarily devoted to attraction, of course), who take some aspects and exaggerate them or misinterpret something and it ends up being a deformed version of its true being.

Truth is, the "no girl is irreplacable" frame of mind isn't unique to PUA. I mean just look at the old addage "there's always more fish in the sea." A lot of people believe that the idea of soulmates is cliche and fundamentally flawed in a world with billions of people in it. And as for not giving a crap? Well that's not supposed to mean you act like a jackass. It means you're supposed to not let the opinions of others control what you do. Rejection hurts people, a lot. So many find it helpful to think that they should not worry about being rejected because if a girl rejects you, oh well, there's plenty more FISH IN THE SEA.
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Ezo
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2010 8:33 pm 
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Half right my ass. He is half wrong. ;)

There is a certain period in a PUAs life when he is as you describe. Some stick and some progress.

I think that you have misunderstood us though. We do care about women. We care a lot! We are just a bit pickier about who we care about. We no longer go out of our way for just anyone. That certain someone or someones are in our inner circle and thats the ones we care about. The love is the same, just focused on a smaller group of people.
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Random T.
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PostPosted: Wed Jan 27, 2010 11:27 pm 
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It's still a theory, and at least one half is right (another is wrong, ok :wink: ).

The goal of this theory is to understand one particular "disease ".
*Some* PUAs become just so obsessed about seducing and "closing" women that they seem to forget that they were looking for interesting individuals.

Of course we are pickier.
When we have such a large choice (plenty of fish in the sea), we have to.
But then, this "disease" makes some PUAs just continue to go fishing without filling their bucket.
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F_I_X_E_R
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PostPosted: Thu Jan 28, 2010 6:21 am 
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I don't get it. Since when fear, desperation, frustration, sadness etc. etc. etc. are desired and good emotions?!?

These feelings only bring you down, or at least slow you.

OP, bust out of that AFC programming already. Just feel the revelation everyone else here has experienced. Or at least most of us, I dunno.

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Random T.
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 1:20 pm 
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My theory is that if you can't fear, you can't love.

If you don't want this particular woman to share your life, if you don't get slightly nervous when you think that she may leave you one day, if you just think "plenty of fish in the sea"... You won't be able to feel.

These are not good emotions.

But "light" has no meaning if there's no "shadow".

The Game has no purpose if you can only win.
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Turn Up the Night
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 1:32 pm 
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Sorry mate but that's bollocks.

I know men who aren't PUA's and good with women who probably have a similar mindset yet they're not bastards. My sister's partner is pretty much a bit of an alpha male and probably could find other women, but doesn't mean he doesn't love her and wouldn't care if he lost her. Of course he would!

And staying in PUA land, look at Adam Lyons who got married in the not too distant past. You seriously think he wouldn't care if his wife left him even if he knew he could find others.

The problem is you're thinking all of us think in terms of quantity and indeed yes, it feels good after losing your virginity and then sleeping with multiple women, however that doesn't mean there's not one special girl. In fact if you play your cards right you're more likely to find her as she may not have been attracted to you before.

So yes there are plenty of women in the world and becomming a PUA does mean you can find others, but what is the REAL purpose of all of this, despite the fun you have in between? It is about eventually finding one special girl that is truly suited to you rather than settling for the first one that comes along, which is what a lot of men do.
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RockyD
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 1:42 pm 
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You mate, cant change who we all are. dont look that far into it.

" if you can fear, you cant love ?!?!?!?!?!?" WHAT?

in my eyes as well, every girl is replaceable. that is one of the foundations of why the game works.
its been said every where

" always another fish in the sea "

That song by Tim Minchin " if i didnt have you " sums it up
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RockyD
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 1:45 pm 
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Sorry mate but that's bollocks.

I know men who aren't PUA's and good with women who probably have a similar mindset yet they're not bastards. My sister's partner is pretty much a bit of an alpha male and probably could find other women, but doesn't mean he doesn't love her and wouldn't care if he lost her. Of course he would!

And staying in PUA land, look at Adam Lyons who got married in the not too distant past. You seriously think he wouldn't care if his wife left him even if he knew he could find others.

The problem is you're thinking all of us think in terms of quantity and indeed yes, it feels good after losing your virginity and then sleeping with multiple women, however that doesn't mean there's not one special girl. In fact if you play your cards right you're more likely to find her as she may not have been attracted to you before.

So yes there are plenty of women in the world and becomming a PUA does mean you can find others, but what is the REAL purpose of all of this, despite the fun you have in between? It is about eventually finding one special girl that is truly suited to you rather than settling for the first one that comes along, which is what a lot of men do.
Well said
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Random T.
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 1:55 pm 
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@Turn Up the Night :

"It is about eventually finding one special girl that is truly suited to you rather than settling for the first one that comes along, which is what a lot of men do."

No problem mate. That is the way I see it myself.

I think we just have two ways of presenting the same thing.

Maybe you're right, and the "problem" I exposed is not as widely spread as I thought. Maybe I just met the wrong people.


I'm glad I posted that, though. I expected other reactions.
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RockyD
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 3:04 pm 
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i dont think you understand but its your view i suppose :)
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Buz
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PostPosted: Fri Jan 29, 2010 3:44 pm 
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I disagree, after you have made a connection and you genuinely like each other, it's no longer a game after that point. You have to be careful as soon as emotions become involved.
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DboTheHero
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 2:19 am 
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I can see where you're coming from Random T. However I don't think that PUAs are like robots, who can't become attached to women.

The art of PU is about forming a relationship in the early stages. After the early stages, emotions become involved and the tactics used to pick up the girl are no longer (as) necessary.

I think the mindset of 'every girl is replaceable' is very useful at first. This is to reduce AA, and to reduce the hit of rejection.

When emotions are invested into a relationship the barrier comes down, but investing too early can cause a lot of heartache.

~Deebo

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Random T.
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 11:49 am 
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When emotions are invested into a relationship the barrier comes down, but investing too early can cause a lot of heartache.
:idea:

You sum it up very clearly, I understand perfectly now :)
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Fin
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PostPosted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 1:34 pm 
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I don't get it. Since when fear, desperation, frustration, sadness etc. etc. etc. are desired and good emotions?!?

These feelings only bring you down, or at least slow you.

OP, bust out of that AFC programming already. Just feel the revelation everyone else here has experienced. Or at least most of us, I dunno.
The point he is reffering to is that emotions are relative.

Your happiness means nothing if you haven't been sad. Fear is nothing if you have never been fearless.

What makes sarging fun is the possibility of being blown out!

You release yourself frm normal constraints of course! Bt there is still a bit of a rush when you do something.

Eventually it won't be half as huge as when you first did it, but it's there, and your rush of approaching is replaced by the rush of closing, or getting to know someone.

"How will you know victory when you have forgotten the taste of defeat?"

Fear, sadness, despair and greif are good emotions not in that we "want" them; but in that they provide us with a means of comparison.

Don't look at them like enemies. Don't fight them, recognise what they are; a vital tool to let you appreciate and aknowledge your own life.
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