This is some thoughts from observations I made over a period of about 3-4 days and 3 f-closes.
Girls are suckers for approval. They tend to be very insecure, and seek a lot of reassurance. They will accept it from anywhere they can to make themselfs feel better about themself. I don't mean this to sound as a nasty view on them, or resentful towards them. It's just part of their nature. And as I sure hope you're aware, this can be used to your advantage(a lot of pick up ideas seem to include working on a girls need of approval), but it can also work against you.
The biggest one to watch out for, in my experience, are the girls who have other dudes currently in their life, especially guys they're really into, but have seem to not be able to get them (or something similar). Also girls who are in the process of 'getting close' with another guy. They seem to use it to 'check' if they are actually desirable or if the other guy is just a bit desperate/she's the best he can get. (theres more to it than that, but I'm focussing just on this part). This is pone reason why you have to be careful with the amount of validation you give a chick. If you give her more validation than someone else, she will likely see you as having lower standards, and why would she want to chose a guy with lower standards. But, she is also likely to stick around you, flirt with you, whatever, just to get showered with all the approval you give her, this makes her feel good about herself. i.e.
you're getting used for approval.
Now, I wouldn't suggest giving a girl no validation at all, as this could result in a lot of things... either she'll lose interest/not gain interest in you, because you seem too cold/uninterested/hard to get etc. And, it can also cause problems when you start escalating things sexually, as their minds seem to get a bit shakey about why you're trying to get sexual with them when you aren't really interested in her, etc.
The other night, an interesting thing happened when out with a wing for the first time...
It was a shit party, and there wasn't really any chicks there worth gaming. But a girl gave me proximity ioi on a sofa, so I though I'd amuse myself and run some game...
HBblonde: *sits on sofa quite close to me facing slightly in my direction*
Blend: *closed off body language, leave her to rot a bit*
HBblonde: *looks a bit fed up/sad*
Blend: *kino with back of hand on her arm*
"You alright there?" *strong eye contact*
HBblonde: *starts smiling from the kino*
"yeah I'm okay thankyou (: " *smiling*
"H.."
Blend:
"ah okay" *shuts her off a bit again with body language and continues whatever I was doing"
10 seconds pass
HBblonde: *hand on my inside elbow, leaning in very 'please talk to me' body language*
"...So how do you know BoyA?"
Blend:
"I don't... I know GirlA and GirlB..." *shut her off briefly again*
"...so who is it you know?"
HBblonde: *yap yap starts asking questions about me*
Blend: *brief answer* *makes her talk about herself*
Some more kino from her and stuff later, more talking, making her work really hard for approval... along comes my wing with giving approval asking her questions, being very open to her, and goes on responding to her questions, a bit eager to dhv I think, still I was a bit unsure what he was doing, if he was trying to amog me or something, I decided to keep doing my thing, and just analyse my wing (he wanted me to feedback on him). He started using some neg like stuff, I kept giving her no validation. But still she was eager for it. I noticed my wing seemed quite hurried in his talk and actions, which was strange for him. We eventually get bored of toying with her, I go off chat to some people, text some chicks, he goes off to game this girl he gamed instead of his actual target (AA).
^^^In that, it appeared she was using him for the validation I wouldn't give her. I was aware this chick had a bf too.
Anyway, I let my wing play with his new target, he gave her quite a lot of approval / interest through his actions and his words. Whenever his new target and her mate were interacting with me, I think I made the mistake of carrying on with my uninterested body language and 'negging'/teasing etc... I pretty much kept it up for the whole night, personally, enjoyed the girls seeking my approval and trying to prove themselfs to me. I was enjoying it too much to think that this could build a lot of attraction through their effort they put into gaining my approval... But HBbrunette(wing's target) enjoyed the attention she was getting from my wing, also, he gamed her at the beginning of the night (im not sure what he did, I was elsewhere at the time) but he wasnt interested in her, and spent most time ignoring her, talking to me, discussing other stuff. So she was glad to get his attention/approval later, but I think the combination of him giving her a lot of approval and me not, fucked things up extra for him, he ducked out for a bit, leaving the afc's with their mega needy behaviour trying to dance with her and shit, she came over to me, fighting for my approval again, to which she was greated with more negs/teasing
:D but I allowed her to have the chance to prove herself, and was very eager to get her friend to photo her with me, etc etc, ladi da, all that shit. End of the night, we are in the car, wings behaviour becomes way to asshole-ish, not sure if he was trying to emulate what I was doing, or if he was trying to be mega alpha, but it seemed to go too much, she was laying against me, and ended up on the phone to some guy she was in the process of getting close to, totally shut my wing out. Turns out she was pretty damn skanky, so, lucky for him anyway.
After wing was dropped at his spot, the chick tried laying up against me, to which she received an elbow to the dome... she got the message. Wing hit me on phone for feedback.
Another way chicks seem to use you for validation/approval, and it's most commonly us pick up guys who get caught in this... and that's sex. Although this happens differently, it seems to still happen, and I think it happened to me, however I'm not sure.
It's different to how some guys may just want to sleep with girls to rack up numbers so they can feel cool etc, but it is in a sense, similar.
Now this happens when a girl has been interested in a guy, or a couple of guys, and their interest they were showing in her, dies out, or whatever reason... but it leaves the girl feeling messed about... I've done this to plenty of girls lately too, but thats a seperate matter... regardless of your reasons, they feel messed about... And so, even if you game them well, you're not giving them approval, you're not being really interested in them... when it comes down to it, when you escalate, or go for sex, or whatever, you may get sex, you may not, if she's horny/you escalate right, you'll get sex. But just as guys can use girls for sex(for whatever reason), they too can use you. They could be sleeping with you to prove to themself that someone does want them.
In some recent cases, it could just be a case of me framing it wrong in my head... but, it doesn't seem that unlikely a possibility.
With that one, I encountered some LMR, and I think that could be partly down to the fact I didn't qualify/validate enough. But, I still got the close, so I guess I did enough. (:
This ended up being a lot longer than I had intended(and expected), and looks something like a field report, which it isn't. Just something I observed about validation/approval.
DONT GET USED!!!
Much Love
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Liquid Blend
CHAT
