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Firstly in order to understand this principle you must understand one simple truth.
Human beings, we are vain, greedy creatures; desperate to feel that we are important.
There is nothing we love more than someone who can let us review our victories and indulge our vanity, feed our greed to be heard and promise us that we matter.
If you really want to be a likeable person in conversation; develope your ability to feed those three factors and you will go far.
Simple fact is, we all enjoy speaking about things that interest us, we enjoy ourselves when we talk baout these things, and while we talk of these things by our own valition, we enjoy ourselves.
People who are boring in conversation often fall to this flaw; they forget about their audience and they forget that the person they are talking to has thoughts and feelings, which they would love to express.
On top of that, people have a desire to have status, to feel important; this isn't an absoloute must in conversation. But if you can make requests or suggest things that make a person feel important. Unless they feel important bullying others, they will nearly always want to please you.
Quick Summary of good conversational techniques.
1. Arouse feelings of pride, allow people to re-count times in which they suceeded, or accomplished something. Everyone loves a good brag, and giivng someone an opportunity to do just, that, is a great way to keep conversation alive.
2. Make it relevant, unless you are being very entertaining or interesting, your conversation can benefit if you find points at which to make it relevant or intersect with the other persons life. Let them comment, speak and feel engaged.
3. Let them feel important, whether that is carrying drinks to your table, or giving valuable insight on a problem in your lfie. And the person in question will demand more of your company, as you provide them with relief to their crave, their need to have purpose and have a feeling of importance.
I could argue that it was capitalist nature and not human nature, but for the sake of argument I will leave it. We all live in capitalist countries (to my knowledge) so whether it is capitalist nature or not humans are all like that.
As for the last 3 points. You could simply this even further by saying:
Everyone's favourite topic is themselves.
I like how you have expanded on it though. What seems common sense to some people is not common sense to others. We learn from each other. I like how you think, I find myself agreeing to pretty much them all I've noticed.
A test to find out whether you truly want a person in your life much is how much interest they take in you. If someone is just going to leech approval from you you have to ask yourself yourself: is this worth it? One way friendships are not cool.
Actually greed is arguably how the world works, our want for more is what forms society and feeding peoples greed and vanity is a proven way to gain their interest.
People do like talking about themselves, but that is far to vague, I don't want to talk about plenty of things in my life, but their are some things that I do want to talk about, and this post is about pointing them out.
On the greed side, when you are talking to someone, your best tool for analysing yourself is "So what". Whenever you propose something or start conversation on a deeper level. Ask yourself, if they turned to you and asked "So what?"
What would you answer. It ensures your conversation is relevant and engaging.
Brah: Your bang on, I read the first quarter of that book a while ago. It really is an awesome read!
CHAT
