| I'm not too religious about Mystery Method anymore, but I can admit that it does have a strong side for new people in the community. I've studied it before, mastered it, then began to grow from it and now I use my own techniques that I've found useful. But nonetheless I've got to give credit where credit is due, and this post is for new guys that eat everything that Mystery has to say. So lets get started.
Holiday and New Year’s parties are a great time to meet women. There are a lot of social occasions going on, and single women especially can feel lonely at this time of year. It’s one of those seasons when barriers are down a bit, friends introduce friends to each other, and everyone tries to have a good time.
But be careful!
A lot of guys who aren’t experienced with the Mystery Method try to duplicate their successes in bars, coffee shops, and clubs in the same way at private parties. Don’t do this!
For example, if you’re at a party where everyone knows at least one person in common, even if it’s just the host, canned opinion openers in A1 may lower your status. Extreme peacocking is also often out of place. Also watch for over-negging and re-using material
Let’s compare a club to a friendly party.
A1: Openers
Clubs:The opener is designed to “get you in the door” and into the A2 phase, without triggering many woman's automatic responses to some male stranger initiating a conversation. Thus, by starting a conversation with a canned opener like “Did you guys see the fight outside?” you bypass that switch and are in a conversation before she/they even realize it.
In contrast, “Hi I’m Tom” makes her think about whether she wants to talk to me. It may still work if she’s friendly, thinks I’m cute, is lonely or bored, or is attracted to a guy with enough courage to approach her. However, in the back of her mind, she is already ’screening’. Not good.
Parties: At a party where people always have people in common, everyone is expected to meet strangers. That’s the point of a private party. So if I start with, “Hi, I’m Tom”, I’ll get “Hi, I’m Julie” and after a few seconds to give the conversation some momentum (establishing who we know in common, commenting on the great view, introducing your friend, or whatever), you can start with A2 without activating her screening reflex.
Starting in mid-conversation with “Hey, who lies more, men or women?” may initiate a conversation, but in the back of her mind she’ll be wondering why I didn’t introduce myself and follow social conventions. Do I not know anyone at the party and am I afraid to be found out? Am I just rude? Do I lack social skills? Of course, you don’t want her thinking about any of these things.
The Social Matrix
Clubs:If you fail with the first couple of women you talk to, it’s not the end of the world. Find another part of the club, and, with luck, no one saw it. Even if you bomb an entire club, there are more clubs. You’ll never see these people again. So you can take risks.
Parties:If you fail with a girl or a group, KNOW that everyone else saw it. In fact, anything you do while in a conversation will be reported. For example, let’s say that you start the night by talking for 10 minutes to Tanya and Peter (random names for this example). Later that night you meet Sarah – and things go great for an hour or so. At some point, it’s inevitable that Tanya and Sarah will end up talking, and you will come up in conversation. If you did something socially awkward in the first conversation (like say I tried to insult Peter, to try impress Tanya), Sarah will find out about it. This would kill your chances with Sarah, since she will now perceive you as horny, or desperate, or lacking in social skills, or someone else’s rejection. Worse still, because Tanya showed that you have low value, if Sarah pursued anything with you, she’d lose value in Tanya’s eyes (and all of Tanya’s friends) as well. Women are incredibly sensitive to this. On the other hand, if Tanya and Peter liked you, they will tell Sarah, and the opposite will happen. You’ll get the girl. Let’s make sure you get the girl.
So, be a lot more careful at parties. Get along with people. Have fun. Make friends. If you spot an opportunity, go for it, but don’t act like you would in a club.
Social Proof
Clubs:Establishing social proof is vitally important. At a club, a woman knows nothing about you. At most clubs, even losers can get in if they bribe the bouncer or come really early or wait forever. So, to her, you could still be anything from a loser to a celebrity. Having woman on your arm and being the center of attention is central to club game.
Parties:At a private party, you have social proof. If Sarah (the girl from the previous example) is friends with Kelly, who is throwing the party, and you’re friends with Kelly, then you already have lots of value. Being too obvious in demonstrating more value will feel out of place to her, or social awkward, or make you come across as insecure or fake.
Moreover, there’s an opportunity here! Let’s say you’re single, Sarah is single, and Kelly respects you as a friend. You can then ask Kelly about Sarah. (That, by the way, is the way to do it. Keep the screening frame, even with mutual friends. Don't say "I like Sarah". Say "I was talking to your friend Sarah for a while; where do you know her from?" People will understand what you mean). Ask her what she’s like. If Kelly thinks you’d be a good match – remember, especially over the holidays, people love setting their friends up – then she may do all of the work for you. Next thing you know, Kelly and her boyfriend might invite both you and Sarah to a concert together. You’ll get the girl.
Always remember that Mystery Method is flexible, and in some cases, should flex to the point of breaking. Play the game with boundaries and rules, but never allow it to control your personality.
Also...always remember that during the holidays people feel they should be extra nice to people. So use it to your advantage.
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You all take 'er easy. And if she's easy, take her twice.
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CHAT
