One-itis: The Theory of the Perfect Woman
Some people have called One-itis love, however love is something that is grown and cultivated over a long period of time in a serious relationship. Most people who claim One-itis are in fact experiencing something else entirely.
Thankfully there is hope, and I am here to tell you why. Most PUA develop this mentality that there are many fishes in the sea, one particular woman does not have to be special, and you will find those qualities elsewhere. However to take this even further, deep down in the psyches of men and women there is a model of the perfect person of the opposite sex, Jung calls this the Anima (in men) and Animus (in women). This perfect woman is not the same for everyone, the qualities she contains and exhibits, and the degree to which she expresses them, are different. Furthermore the actual image of the woman itself is different for everyone. For me its dark hair, dark eyes, slender build. However not just any skinny dark haired, dark eyed girl will do. She has to have the personality of my inner model otherwise she is just another HB.
There is a definite outward presentation of this model, which comes from deep within, and when we meet people who fit this model it is beyond mere attraction. It goes beyond “Shes cute” or “shes hot” or “OMG shes a HB10” and gets into the realm of “I saw her once and I cant stop thinking about her” or “I stare at my phone for hours hoping she will text or call me back” etc…
This behavior in turn hinders the rest of the social life of the PUA for two reasons. One of these is that they have allowed their emotional state to take over what should be the calm and serene waters of the PUA, who is unaffected and unhindered by the actions of others, being that they are Alpha and determine what to allow and what not to allow in their reality.
The second is that these women fit our inner model of the perfect woman so much, at least on the level of how we are attracted to them, that other women begin to pale in comparison to them. You may not even want other women, may only accept sex with them because you want to get your mind off the focus of your one-itis. Or, in the presence of this one particular girl, gaming becomes impossible because she is what your seeking, she is why you are in the PU Arts in the first place, to have her, and to make her yours.
Now for many people one-itis does not exist, they don’t really know what it is and, though they may think they have experienced it, I assure you they have not. Not until you have met this perfect model for a woman more than once, and have determined what characteristics this model has can you really know that you have experienced one-itis, and begin to comprehend what I believe it is.
Taking one particular girl, let’s say you have one-itis with her. She is your ultimate challenge because she, more than any other woman, has a lot of power over you. Power you have given away because you have failed to realize that she is only special in an external way. Therefore game her, look for the qualities you actually enjoy in women. If she turns out to not have these qualities, despite your physical attraction to her, be reasonable with yourself and realize three things:
A) You do not want a life with someone who can not fulfill everything you want from a woman, including her intelligence, emotional state, sense of humor, purpose in life, and beauty. This is why you became a PUA, not to just bang some girls, but to bang the ones you really want, and I hope to eventually find the one who is perfect in all ways, and who will marry you.
B) These women who cause one-itis may be rare, but they are not unique. Once you have enough experience you may learn that there is a specific set of characteristics about these girls that you are absolutely crazy about. Study your one-itis girl, figure out what it is about her that causes these things in you, since if nothing else the PUA is a master of introspection and self analysis. This will help you identify these traits in other women, and help you assess the value of any one particular woman based off this inner, internal model of the perfect woman.
C) These women will appear again and again in your life if you’re open to the idea that they will. I have had one-itis with three women, and they all had the same traits that drive me crazy for them.
These girls always look similar to me, for me their personality is introverted but strong, quiet and intelligent, independent but guarded, and they always have a youthful energy about them even if they are older than myself. Usually it takes months of not having any contact before I completely get over them. Even then I have never forgotten them. I’ll share with you what I once wrote to a friend of mine about this girl, as despite the fact that I have met three people with these qualities, I consider them to be “one person” because they fit the one model of everything that will drive me to desire a woman within moments of seeing her.
“It’s in everything she is and everything she does. It’s in the way she walks, talks, laughs, smiles. It’s in her habits, the way she holds herself, the way she moves her hands, the way she eats, the clothes she wears, her style. There is literally nothing she has ever done which has made me not desire her, I’m not sure it’s even possible to not desire her. When she is anywhere near me a void opens up within that only she can fill, and when she is not near me its as though every thought I have is merely a way to not think about her absence. I cannot imagine a reality devoid of her absence, I would rather see her bed a hundred men and hate me, then die and be gone forever. I would do anything for her, anything to preserve her, and anything to be with her that did not entail causing harm to her. Everything about her is perfect, she is the only woman I would ever give my heart to entirely, she is the only woman who could ever have a hold on me, she is the only woman.”
Many people who have experienced one-itis may not have such an intense experience. The entire purpose of the PUA, in my opinion, is to learn about yourself, to find your perfect mate, to learn what that perfect mate looks like. I encourage anyone who is experiencing one-itis to consider how many women they have met, bedded, and known, and whether this woman you are fretting over really is everything you have ever wanted. If so, and she has left you, as I said you will meet another girl who fits your inner model with such precision again.
I would also encourage people who experience this intense emotion about women who you barely know or have never had a serious relationship with to consider the idea of Limerence:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence
Ultimately it comes down to this. Your a PUA because you seek fulfillment, the only way to be fulfilled is to find the perfect woman. The only way to know perfection is to go through trial and error and, furthermore, identify everything that makes a woman perfect. If you can't tell yourself or anyone else "why" you are crazy about a particular girl, you have not identified these traits and therefore have one-itis. If you have identified them, then you have become even more self aware and can begin to look at your one-itis girl in a new light, and if she has ditched you or doesn't want anything to do with you, you can realize that while she IS actually special because she fits your inner model, she is only special because she happens to manifest most or all of the qualities of that model, and that those qualities are in fact why you are attracted to anyone at all, ever. She just has them in greater abundance then many women.
Then you can move on, and seek them in others.
CHAT
