I highly recommend you read this whole post (although yes, it is long) because I believe it is helpful.
Everyday when I get on the bus to go to school (I'm in 12th grade) I tell myself how great a day its going to be. I kind of go over my game in my head, and go over theoretical conversations, things to say, and openers to use. Despite telling myself this over and over, its clearly not magic. Some days are great, I just click and talk to everyone. I have this sort of natural aura that gets ignited and burns all day, and I feel great. Natural game is kind of a side effect of this, and I integrate what I've learned here with this great feeling of confidence and VOILA: natural game.
But what about the bad days?
The bad days start out good.
Every day starts at 100%, because every day starts out the same. The only variable that affects the 100% day is you, the person living it. There are 2 things that truly affect your day:
- 1. Bad / good things that happen to you, in the past or during the day.
2. Your mood, as a result of this.
Almost any bad or good day situation really consists of these two factors. Maybe a family member recently passed away (I really hope this is not the case, but I wanted to use an extreme). This will affect your mood, and in turn will affect your day. Anyway, you get it.
So,
what is this new 'game fade' concept I am referring to?
Well I really noticed the phenomenon today, even though it happens to me almost every other day (it seems to coincide with the 'bad day' thing, cause it never happens on one of those good days).
To best describe it, here is a situation that I hope we can all relate to on some level:
You walk into a mall, and you are alone. You see a 4-set standing by (insert store name here) and you decide to approach.
You have an opener, and you approach with it, thinking it will open the group. But something goes horribly, horribly, painfully wrong.
"I need a female opinion on something... blah blah blah"
They do acknowledge you, and they kinda laugh and agree and nod and blah blah, but you kinda freeze up. Something goes on in your head; you are suddenly completely conscious of every single thing you say. With every response, you have to meticulously study it in your head to find something game-worthy to say, or something cocky funny, or otherwise. This ruins the conversation, and the girls quickly lose interest.
You have failed, and you know it right away. It is not a good feeling. And what effect does it have on you? Well, needless to say, not a positive one. This freezing up has halted your flow, it has shifted your insight of the game and it has de-aura'd your aura. Actually, you lost your aura before you thought you did. This phenomenon is what I call 'game fade', and it will cause these same failing results as long as it affects you.
In an attempt to debunk the game fade phenomenon and find a way to prevent it or cure it, lets take a more in depth look at that approach.
You approach a 4-set in a mall, alone.
- 1. What is going on in your mind at this point? What are you thinking about? If you are picturing yourself failing, that is what is going to happen. In situations like these, your mind has a nasty habit of predicting the future. But, the good news is, you can control your mind. Use that control to your advantage.
2. Have a game plan here, folks! If you don't know what you are going to say, or what you are going to do, then, well, what are you going to do? I can't stress enough that you have to plan ahead. Even with natural game, know the reason why you are approaching. Never approach for the sake of approaching. Have a reason for it.
3. Approach with confidence. Have a swagger, smile (at all times! but not with a creepy undertone), keep your head up, look like you know where your going and why your going there. Never look lost (unless you are using it to game, which in some cases works like a charm).
You pick your opener, and you walk up to the group and open.
- 1. Delivery of the opener will determine a) how the group receives your opener and b) how the rest of the interaction will go. Remember that you want to keep the upper hand, and you have to use this to your advantage. You should be in control of the conversation.
2. Remember to talk! It is far too common (I know I do this quite often) to over analyze social interactions. Lots of people (and many shy people as well) will think too much about what to say next during a conversation, or what to talk about. The truth is, none of this is very important. The other person is focusing on what they are saying almost as much as you are focusing on what you are saying. Just say what comes to your mind as it comes to your mind and you should be fine.
3. Use discretion. This may seem contradictory to 2. but it is also necessary. There is a reason why you monitor your speech, and it is because you don't want to offend the other person, and you don't want to make yourself seem stupid. You want to sell yourself, and the main method of doing this is showing value through interaction. This is where having a game plan becomes important. As long as you know what to talk about, the rest of it will come naturally. Trust me.
If something goes wrong here, if they don't act interested,...
it is probably because they are not interested. This is okay. A general rule of thumb is, persist once, move on second. If they seem uninterested and kind of brush you off, use a line or something to recover (there is plenty on this site) and persist. At this point they will realize you are for real and you have confidence. These are so important that I can't stress them enough with just bold and italic.
CONFIDENCE IS KEY. There.
If they do accept you...
and you start to freeze up, remember what I told you earlier. You have to forget about that natural urge to over analyze, and just say what comes to your mind while using discretion. Just talk, because this is honestly the number one value building technique out there (I also recommend Stealth Attraction's "Effort Output" section in Gambler's Rejection Report,
www.stealthattraction.com, for a more advanced reading on value building.
What does all this have to do with Game Fade?
It is failed interactions like this that fade your game, and rid you of your game aura, which is not a good thing. I'm not telling you that failing is a totally bad thing, or that you suck if you fail, or anything like that. No, I am merely pointing out that this phenomenon exists. If you start to analyze your social interactions, if you start to lack confidence, these are the two primary examples of Game Fade.
How do I reverse Game Fade?
You have to understand that
Game is not a directly continuous system. Your second approach is not connected to your first approach, just like your 80th approach is not related or connected to your 42nd. Any connection between two sets is all in your head, because YOU are the only constant in two different sets.
If you fail, learn from your mistakes, look at what you did wrong, and fix it. Then,
start fresh with your second approach, keeping in mind to fix the problems. It is when you start thinking "Oh shit, I suck at this part, oh well..." or "Today is just a bad day, I have no game today" that Game Fade kicks in. When you have
any self doubt or you start making excuses about how 'today just is not your day', you are susceptible to Game Fade. Just like protecting yourself from the swine flu, you have to bolster your Game Immune System. You have to put time into strengthening your natural game confidence that you will reverse Game Fade.
You have to have confidence. You have to believe. You have to be able to see yourself succeed, and you must have the ability to start fresh and learn from mistakes. These are the vitamins that protect you from Game Fade.
CHAT