I would like to disccuss a deep psycological issue. This is not a rant against PUA. This is about everyone all over the world.

I want to know why we project our feelings of ourselfs based on the acceptance of other people? What is the underlying cause.

Example: I like this girl. I feel awful in the inside because she only see's me as a friend. Why do I feel awful and how do I stop from feeling awful? Is it natural to feel awful about Love? How does LOVE work. I hear that relationships are all just a game.

My good friend got married because he simply couldn't live without his girlfriend. After they were together for a couple of weeks she broke it off with him because of his choices. He broke down and cried in the shower. He knew that he had to have her. He called and told her how he felt. She accepted him after a long time of pursuit.

Style got into a 2 year relationship with Lisa after a long miscommunication. I wouldn't date a rockstar though.

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Walk Hard

because human beings are social creatures. Socializing is the core of our instincts, and not being able to manipulate someone into being how you want them to be is essentially a display of your weak socail skills.

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Every Saint has a Past, Every Sinner has a Future

Thanks buddy.

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Walk Hard

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Ego and the illusion of separation

magnum45 :
Would you like a psychological answer?

Are you just talking about relationships or in general like if people are accepting you as who you are, and that affecting your feelings?

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V3nu

Thats it dude. How does that happen, and why? Why do I imagine that if I don't do something right she will not be with me?

I guess past experiences lead me to suggest it is my fault. It is like associating other peoples feelings based on my actions, but, in reality, their feelings are there own.

I still don't understand it.

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Walk Hard

The illusion of separation is the result of ego

Ego is the result of past wounds unattended, or at least not attended in a mature way

We are afraid of losing something important to us.

We will do anything it takes to make them like us.

See, I said people who are IMPORTANT to us.

That's why we are dicks to people who don't matter - girls are bitches to guys who don't matter, to losers.

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THIS USER HAS BEEN BANNED FOR BREAKING RULES 2, 3, 8, AND 9

I have a huge ego. It stemmed from confidence building tatics I learned, and from some hypnosis tapes I listened to over and over. Now I am so successful It's impossible for me to believe that a girl doesn't like me. I think that is why I assumed she liked me when she didn't. Then I started to create illusions of seperation and HAD to talk to her or she would be gone from my life forever.

I think the majority of my problem was how I created illusions of how I would lose her forever if I didn't talk to her that day. Then she might of got the feeling of me being desperate, which is why she said "I feel so much pressure". Very Interesting.

Next time I will know not to create illusions of seperation. I wonder if other people have this problem too.

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Walk Hard

Good question buddy and the guys are on the right track by looking at the Freudean side of things. The Mind is split into three parts the ID-the innate pleasurable desires the SUPER EGO- strives for social acceptance and adheres to social norms and the EGO- Is the aspect that balances the other two out. It helps to organise thoughts and drives into coherent choices.

So in a non patronising way can i ammend some other comments. Its not the EGO that particuarly makes you feel this way its the battle between your ID and SUPER EGO that creates it. The ID makes you want to hold her and ravish her and feel her warmth and reproduce with her. Where as your SUPER EGO is saying she should be kept as a friend and that thats the way she wants it and that socialy it would be taboo just to take what you want. Your EGO is just trying to balance things out. At the end of the day we are only human and the ID is normaly the most powerfull and will give you the most satisfaction.

I guess you just answered it in the last few sentences of your post, you have to strive for what you want and in the end you deserve what you work for. Otherwise you need to move on meet new people and have your ID and SUPER EGO satisfyed by another woman.

Hope this answers your question, Saint

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Attraction is the insatiable desire to be irresistibly desired

Interesting fact: humans are the only animals which follow gaze or even a pointed finger. What do I mean? When you point over there to your dog, he will look at your finger, not where you're pointing. Humans are the only animals that will look at where you're pointing/looking. What does this tell us about humans? We have social cues programmed into the very fabric of our being.

When you're at a party or in a large group and suddenly you see a big part of the group's eyes light up, they smile, and they're all looking behind you - what do you do? You turn around, and you probably see the popular, fun guy, and/or the really hot girl has just walked in the room.

Our perception of the world is deeply tied into how the rest of our social community reacts to it. Check out this funny video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xo1R17Gq6dg
Especially the very last prank they do. There is NO danger, but just because enough people react AS IF there's danger, the victim of the prank goes into self defence mode.

Thus, it's only natural to have our view of OURSELVES based, at least somewhat, on other people's perception of us. If we didn't care at all, we'd be sociopaths. The problem is, a lot of people care TOO MUCH, and that's when problems can arise. One of the best little catchphrases I saw was in someone's sig on this forum. It read "If I don't like something about myself, I'll change it. If you don't like something about me, then fuck you." And I think that's basically it. Try your best to improve aspects of your personality and life, but when it comes down to it, don't let other people allow you to feel negative about yourself.

Because we're social creatures who all to some degree need to feel validated by an external source.

I am going to try to control the illusion of seperation. I will notice when I need to talk to her because of fear, instead of pleasure.

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Walk Hard