PUA Wisdom: Mental State



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 Post subject: PUA Wisdom: Mental State
PostPosted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 2:34 pm 
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Without a doubt your mental state is very important. A lot of people talk about getting in “the zone” before you go out but many don’t know how to do it. For me the zone is basically a clear head and a positive attitude that puts a smile on your face.

To have a clear mind you must look for ways to clear your head. Starting at your place before you go out you need to do things that are going to avoid more thoughts. For instance, looking at the bills before you go out is probably not the best idea. We already have enough to keep in mind in regards to meeting people why on earth would you add more thoughts to your mind. Personally, I have used breathing exercises and meditation to clear my head. I also find listening to music and getting a song stuck in your head works too. If the song is stuck in your head and you keep it there, it’s hard for other thoughts to come in.

Developing a positive attitude is something that takes work. For some people out there it is something they are just born with. They wake up in a good mood and are just generally happy throughout the day. Unfortunately, I was not one of these people. I had to learn this behavior or skill. Remember that this starts from the moment you wake up or before you even leave to go out. Do things that naturally put you in a better mood. For some this might involve: working out, listening to music, meditating, talking to a friend, doing some housework, going for a walk, etc.

Work to indentify little things you do in life that naturally make you happy. My routine before going out was always listening to music while stretching to get my blood flowing. Then I’d hop right into the shower. While I was in the shower the music would still be on and I’d be singing it! Getting out and getting cleaned up so that I felt the best I could. I would do a little bit of meditation to help clear my head. The while leaving the house I would call a friend that I enjoyed talking to while driving downtown. When I hit the parking garage I’d do one more short breathing exercise to clear my mind, get a song stuck in my head and start walking to the club with a smile on my face.

Everyone has their own routines that they can do. This not only can extend to meeting women but the more you do this the more it can help bleed over into your daily life as well. Remember this is a skill you have to learn and practice. The more you do this before going to work, going out with friends, or to meet new people the better you will become. When in the field meeting people it is also easy to go back into the zone if you fall out because you know what to do in order to get you there.

Smiling is another great thing you can do. :) Even if its forced when you are smiling its hard to be in a bad mood or be grumpy. Before opening anyone make sure that you are smiling. Its amazing how it can help your energy level or your attitude by just smiling a little bit. Not to mention smiling is like yawning in that its contagious. When you smile at someone many times they start smiling as well.

A quick note about cramming. A lot of guys that I have talked to decide to cram for the big test before they go out. Many guys are watching videos, reading opening lines, or routines before they go out. This is not a good idea because you will end up being in your head most of the night trying to remember that line you just learned. Make sure to use material you are fluid with and have practiced using.

As Sinn tells us "thinking in the field is the enemy" and I could not agree more. You need a clear and focused mind. You are likely not going to learn a lot more by cramming. If you are using canned material you want to use lines that you have practiced and are use to using to that the delivery is good. This is not a test, this is real life so stop cramming more useless stuff in your head before you go out. With a lot of ideas in your head your are going to freeze at the moment you should be opening because your mind is busy processing stuff.

Studying is for the times in between going out. When you are getting ready to go out to meet people you need to be focused on your mental state and having FUN! When you are having fun and in a good mood you can screw up a lot of steps. Heck you can even do somethings that are completely wrong. Because when you are having FUN and can transfer it over to the girls having FUN the rest won't matter much. This is why mental state is so important to your "game."

In quick review, do things that help make you feel better before going out. Develop your routine of the things you do that help you be in a better mood. Work to clear your mind before you leave your place and do things that continue your good mood until you get to the venue. Put a smile on your face :D and just focus on having FUN!

Sincerely,

Jon

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PostPosted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 3:38 pm 
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Nice contribution again Jon.

Mind you that I'm not at the mPUA level. I'm mostly at a point were I'm still fighting some AA and when I approach, I don't think of #-close/k-close that much. For me the right mental state is one of 'let's go make friends/let's go try to make her smile'. If I think of #close or whatever when approaching I get the wrong state. With the 'make friend' state, I'm more playfull, more 'light', more comfortable.

Cheers!


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PostPosted: Thu Aug 20, 2009 5:05 pm 
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Quote:
Nice contribution again Jon.

Mind you that I'm not at the mPUA level. I'm mostly at a point were I'm still fighting some AA and when I approach, I don't think of #-close/k-close that much. For me the right mental state is one of 'let's go make friends/let's go try to make her smile'. If I think of #close or whatever when approaching I get the wrong state. With the 'make friend' state, I'm more playfull, more 'light', more comfortable.

Cheers!
Good way to look at it!

CHEERS

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 1:50 pm 
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thanks for the post.

i totally agree .... your priority should be making friends not seducing girls, if you start with the'' i must seduce mindset'' you are way pressurizing yourself.
one way to relax is having fun .... so have fun and enjoy the game, i swear to god when im not looking for a girlfriend but hang out with friends while still using my social methods girl will be much more interested !

ok, whats your priority ?

1 . seducing girl -------->2. making her laugh , DHV ing myself..

IT SHOULD BE

1. having fun .. DHV myself ---- > 2 looking for suitable girlfriend.

what i mean is you have to tackle each minor goal to achieve the major goal, you cant walkup to a girl and claim her ( you can but there is a higher error % )

your first have to DLV her , have to make her laugh , kino test , giving her nicknames.

if you step up to a girl with this goal in your head : i want to have fun i will make her laugh - this is more acceptable instead of : i need to pick her up.

people that won't tackle minor goals to achieve the major goal will often make player faults, they will start in comfort section or will cause buyer remorse and this is not deliberate - its accidental.

when i step to a girl i think this .

MAJOR GOAL : having fun ... i need to have fun ... lotsa people lotsa fun - lets make some friends

goal 1

this is my world and shes in it.... im gonna open her up for fun converstion.
achieved : damn i achieved my goal SELF ESTEEM +

goal 2

my world ..... il DLV her and make fun of her because i like it
ACHIEVED : SELF ESTEEM +

goal 3 :

I will make her smile
ACHIEVED : SELF ESTEEM +

goal 4 :

being alpha so i get free beers
ACHIEVED : SELF ESTEEM +

goal 5 :

i want to touch her
achieved self esteem + .

you need to build self esteem by completing achievements .... completing an achievement will feel good and boost you self esteem.
rather then

goal :

getting girlfriend
shes not budging
self esteem -

when you build your game you must build your self esteem with it.

Unleash the Warrior Within by Richard J. Machowicz is a good read, it helped me alot


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 4:09 pm 
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That is a great mindset tbh!

I had a problem with getting into state, but recently found some rituals I do when heading out.

1. Drink one or two beer's. (This usually make me carefree and with a bigger rate on going into state)
2. Start out by greeting people I already know, or just sending out friendly smiles toward others in the bar.
3. Dance/Engage into conversation or something similar depending on locations.
4. Getting a stable conversation going.
5. Focus on minor escalations. (Note: I do not focus at all on closing, just on escalation. This way I don't get trapped in a performance-anxiety)

And yes, usually my times out at a bar is with some friends, and they all expect me to deliver, all the time. If I focus on the pressure instead of building up from minor goals I get blown out most of the time, by ignoring it you'll faster get into the mood.)

- Exerio


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 5:02 pm 
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Quote:
That is a great mindset tbh!

I had a problem with getting into state, but recently found some rituals I do when heading out.

1. Drink one or two beer's. (This usually make me carefree and with a bigger rate on going into state)
2. Start out by greeting people I already know, or just sending out friendly smiles toward others in the bar.
3. Dance/Engage into conversation or something similar depending on locations.
4. Getting a stable conversation going.
5. Focus on minor escalations. (Note: I do not focus at all on closing, just on escalation. This way I don't get trapped in a performance-anxiety)

And yes, usually my times out at a bar is with some friends, and they all expect me to deliver, all the time. If I focus on the pressure instead of building up from minor goals I get blown out most of the time, by ignoring it you'll faster get into the mood.)

- Exerio
Exerio,

I have know the pressure of delivering from my students as well. It is tough to explain and its a lot of stress to be under when you are trying to meet people.

I guess to further my ritual. While walking to the clubs I tend to get some warm approaches in by simply complimenting people to get myself talkative if I couldn't phone a friend. Then like you make my rounds talking to the regulars and the hired guns I know to start my social proof off and to get me talkative and more in state.

Great tips man!

Jon

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PostPosted: Sat Aug 22, 2009 1:33 am 
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Great post. I'm one of those people who can wake up (very early) in a good mood for some reason. Even though I'm in a good mood I still need to get into the mindset and I think you're spot on about getting a song stuck in your head because that does actually help. I also like to give a text to a couple of my actual female friends because talking to smart or nice girls gets me in an even more cheery and social mood.


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PostPosted: Sat Aug 22, 2009 5:53 pm 
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i totally agree with talking to hired guns ... this is the best thing to do because it's their job to stay nice, when you befriend a hired gun you have a good friend in the venue which really can boost your familiarity with the location, it can boost you social status and maybe you get some free drinks too !

just talk as much as you can, when i go to the supermarket/ drugstore i talk to the cassiers etc. im a natural but if i want to use canned material i always test it on hired guns first - not to see them get angry - but to see if they laugh


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