Chase and be Chaste
One Christian man's musings on loneliness, attraction, romance, and spirituality.

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
~Genesis 2:18

Most pickup artists probably came to be pickup artists because at one time in the past, they knew altogether too well how it felt to be alone. As the passage from Genesis suggests, we recognize on multiple cognitive levels that it is not good to be alone.

My loneliness is rooted in a broken engagement. Prior to that, I thought of myself as shy, but fundamentally okay. The past two and a half years have caused me to realize, however, that the methods that I was employing as a so-called average, frustrated chump (AFC), were defective. They reflected an internal state of fear, doubt, and mistrust. Paraphrasing Napoleon Hill, the author of the seminal text on accomplishment, Think & Grow Rich, fear and faith can not long dwell in the same heart. Or, as Jesus himself said, “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.” (Matthew 6:24)

I came to pickup as part of a comprehensive mission to improve my life. In pickup, I am finding tools to improve my confidence and self esteem and to communicate my virtues and values more consistently to the people around me – especially to the women whom I might wish to invite to enjoy life with me.

There are two common objections that a Christian might raise against pickup. One, “Pickup encourages sexual sin.” Two, “Even if it didn't, isn't it manipulative? How does it enhance, not detract from virtuous living?”

To address the first point, it is my opinion that what pickup encourages is not necessarily sexual sin. The most easily recognizable target is premarital sex. I believe that the Bible does not explicitly prohibit premarital sex. Jesus himself is silent on the matter. The most vehement support for that interpretation comes from Paul's letters. Even Paul, however, is rather ambiguous on the matter, which is odd because his advice to believers is usually very straightforward. The Old Testament, particularly Leviticus, provides additional support for the prohibition of premarital sex, but once again, the text is hazy. Furthermore, it would not be unreasonable to ascribe to sexual sins the same degree of ritual importance ascribed to sins involving food, clothing, and menstruation, which are often discarded based on Paul's letter to the Romans (in particular, chapter 14.)

The key takeaway of Romans 14 is that the act of eating any food is not sinful, but that it can be made sinful by context. Likewise, I hold that in the correct context, premarital sex is not a sin. Faithful pursuit of God's will and a clear conscience are sufficient. Ultimately, I have concluded that the Bible's stance on premarital sex is ambiguous. I would not criticize anybody for interpreting it either in favour of; or against.

Romans 14 also addresses, however, the topic of those with weaker faith, who would stumble into sin, out of guilt, if they behaved similarly. For their sake, Paul encourages discretion and even deference. It is for this reason that I always encourage other men to respect the consciences of the women whom they game. Seducing her will fail to leave her better than you found here, if she suffers guilt over what she's done with you. (Buyer's remorse is deceptive language designed to cloak the shame of tempting somebody to disobey their own conscience.)

In the final analysis, the Bible demands that a Christian undertake every pursuit with love. For myself, therefore, I have concluded that sex, a high form of intimacy, should only accompany a monogamous relationship, which is a high expression of love. Another Christian may conclude differently and choose to engage in sex casually; or on the other hand, to abstain until marriage. Both choices, made in good conscience and undertaken in faith, are acceptable.

If one accepts that premarital sex is acceptable, why should one accept that pickup is an appropriate form of courtship? I will not lie: pickup can be used deceitfully. Used well, however, and with good intentions, it is many times more honest and useful than trying to find a partner at a church social. As I mentioned earlier, AFC dating habits are founded in emotional sins that are antithetical to faith. Jesus said, however, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” That is precisely the goal of pickup, to allow men and women to enjoy life more fully. Life is not worth living in fear. When fear is discarded, however, and people are equipped to reveal their values and virtues in effective, engaging, and fun ways, the lives of all involved are enriched. The process described by pickup is not only more effective than attending a conservative and repressed church picnic. It is more enlivening in a way that this sincere Christian enthusiastically recognizes.

I have covered, then, how faith and the art of pickup are not mutually exclusive. I wish now to discuss how embracing faith can empower one's game. Most PUA's recognize that happiness and confidence are attractive. Faith is a powerful foundation for building a confident and happy lifestyle. In fact, as I learned in Sunday school, it should be the foundation of my whole life. Surprisingly, that isn't nearly as impractical as it sounds.

A colleague recommended that in order to become happier, I should keep a thankfulness journal. Rather than write down the things for which I am grateful, however, I choose instead to pray each night before I sleep to thank God for the good in my life that day. This is both psychologically and spiritually uplifting. By speaking aloud my gratitude just before I fall asleep, I prime my brain to integrate the day's best memories first and foremost.

It also allows me to segue into a prayer that bolsters my confidence for the coming day. The last thing for which I offer thanks is that the creator of the entire universe knows my name and wishes to have a personal relationship with me. This is intensely empowering. Faith in the constancy of God and the magnitude of his being makes this thought a powerful and unwavering source of validation. I can feel great confidence in myself because the single entity in all of existence whose judgment is unfailing has confidence in me.

Furthermore, this is not a nebulous, vague confidence. It is a specific, concrete confidence that I am capable of achieving what I want to achieve. I am created in the image of God – a thinker, a maker, and a doer. I am equipped to succeed in my pursuits with traits of deific origin!

Finally, this approach actually increases the sincerity and congruence of my faith. Christians are encouraged to take all matters to God in prayer. It is tempting to be ashamed of talking to God about one's sex life, but it is no more or less natural a conversation than any other. If, in fact, it does cause feelings of shame, then perhaps that is the sign of a guilty conscience. The solution is to correct one's behaviour, not to quit talking to God.

More broadly speaking, this is the approach that one should take in all endeavours, not just those pertaining to romance. Spirituality is a powerful tool and it should not be neglected, but rather embraced as the natural cornerstone of every pursuit that one undertakes.

_________________
Some vices miss what is right because they are deficient, others because they are excessive, in feelings or in actions, while virtue finds and chooses the mean.
Aristotle, Ethica Nichomachea

I'm probably going to tell you something you might not agree with. But this is what I believe.

I think god and/or faith is like a warm blanket you put around yourself to have an excuse or something to blame when things go terribly wrong. Thus not allowing yourself to correct it but rather pass on the blame to a higher being.
But isn't pick-up about improving yourself?

That's why I don't see faith and pick-up go hand in hand with eachother for most of the time.

I like to be my own god. I take actions because I think they're the best at a particular moment or situation. This is what gives me confidence.

but
I totally see where you're coming from and I see the potential of prayers. But I don't see myself applying it. I'm doing fine as is.

I've also been raised as a Christian. But not strictly enough to keep me attached to their way of doing.

Good post and I am sure there are many people who will benefit from this.
Personally I cannot relate that well since I am not a religious person, however, this post is very well thought out and covers some very important issues.
I think it is important to note though that the PUA community simply gives the tools and knowledge needed to pick up women, it is up to the individual (and their morals/beliefs etc) as to how they use it.

Madals

Good post. Although I'm a Buddhist, I'd imagine this to be extremely useful to Christian PUAs.
I would argue that a monogamous relationship is not intrinsically a high expression of love. Just as PUAs say, "It's not about what you say, but rather how you say it," I don't believe that expressing love is about the type of relationship you're involved with, but rather the sincerity of your openness to another person.

Personally I believe that it is foolish to think that love can be limited to just one other person. My own religious views from Buddhism suggest that we are all connected as one greater entity; therefore loving just one other person is insincere if you do not love the next person as well. What do you think Jesus meant when he said that he loved everyone?

I think that monogamous relationships reinforce the illusion of separation (the illusion our ego creates to trick us into believing that we are separate from oneness of the universe) by tricking us into believing that we can only truly love one other person, or even just one other person at a time.
+1
Positive affirmations are incredibly underrated. The psychological benefits are incredible. Everyone should count their blessings and carry a sense of thankfulness with them daily.

Wow, now that's intersting. I was a little amazed when I read your post, but then I realized that your position is not that out of place at all.

PUA skill-sets can have lots of applications. It's up to the individual to set his own goals. Dating the maximum number of women is not everyones goal. Some guys want to learn these skills just to get a primo girlfriend or wife. Heck, someone might learn this stuff just to get one particular girl.

So yeah, I can see a lot of things that would enhance your CHristian dating experience.

Interesting.

Man, that is absolutely, hands-down the most clever title to a post I've ever seen. Whoever came up with that must have been one witty, charismatic, devilishly handsome son-of-a-gun, to say the least!

Alright, alright ... seriously ...

As you know, I'm not religious at all either, but I think there is probably a significant (and under-served) segment of the community who get into pickup looking for some way to reconcile restrictive religious practices with the very natural and instinctive desire to get behind the closest piece of delicious ass in sight. This article does a fantastic job addressing and finding common ground between those two seemingly conflicting urges.

Great post, ZE.

Your boy,
870

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"Do not blame, call out, alpha male, superman, or water sprinkle any hoes. And what will be, will be." -Hobbit

http://tinyurl.com/c6lbje<-Member Journal (PMZ Only)

Obviously, our divergent faiths are going to impart different worldviews. Given the premises of Buddhism, your objections are reasonable. If I also believed that individuals were facets of the universal consciousness, seeking to regain oneness, then I would probably agree with your assessment that monogamy is counterproductive.

Christian theology, although deriving from ancient Jewish traditions that permit polygamy, does, in fact, promote monogamy. An allegory frequently used to describe the relationship of Christ and the church is that of a man and wife. The language chosen for this description clearly illustrates a monogamous marriage.

As for your objection about monogamy being an intrinsically higher expression of love, I concede the point. I did not choose my words with sufficient care. It would be more appropriate to say that people sharing my worldview often choose monogamy as a high expression of love, as love is understood in our particular frame. That makes my argument above circular, so I withdraw any suggestion that monogamy is intrinsically and objectively a higher expression of love than polyamory.

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Some vices miss what is right because they are deficient, others because they are excessive, in feelings or in actions, while virtue finds and chooses the mean.
Aristotle, Ethica Nichomachea

I don't actually know too much about Christian Science, but from some sundown-to-sunup conversations I've had with a friend who is a devoted Christian Scientist, I gathered the impression that there is indeed room in Christianity for the view that individuals were facets of the universal consciousness, aka "The One Mind," aka "God."

Wish I could add more to this.

I'm afraid that I don't know much about Christian Science either. I'd have to do some more reading before I could address this. What you're describing definitely differs from the theology of most "mainstream" protestant and Catholic churches, though, which hold that we are distinct individuals and our highest purpose is to relate, not to unite with God.

_________________
Some vices miss what is right because they are deficient, others because they are excessive, in feelings or in actions, while virtue finds and chooses the mean.
Aristotle, Ethica Nichomachea

Interesting post...
I see you're "church centered"
Church centered meaning your security is based on church activity and on the esteem in which you are held by those in authority or influence in the church. You find identity and security in religious labels and comparisons. Your actions are guided by how others will evaluate your actions in the context of church teachings and expectations. You see the world in terms of "believers" and "non-believers," "belongers" and "non-belongers.~stephen covey

There many ways to interpret teachings of the bible, it can be a tool to control birth control ie. premartial sex, fight wars, keep order, or keep people obedient and blinded from the truth

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Friendzone 1-vt51424.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

No I'm pretty sure there's no uniting involved seeing as the belief is that you're already united... and that all you need to do is probably relate to God simply by making that realization.

Excellent post Glass. I completely understand where you are coming from and how you can use your faith to help your game. Isn't that a part of being in the game for all of us though? Finding ways for self improvement.

I will tell you that I am not a religious person, though raised a Catholic. However I have a lot of respect for your openness about your faith, and the fact that you are so open to accepting other's beliefs.

I think you have opened a door for a group of people who might not know where else to turn. Too often pre-marital relations are looked down upon, and one of my largest problems with Christianity (especially the Catholic Church, but to lesser degrees most organized sects) is the implementation of guilt upon people. You are taught not to engage in premarital sex, to deny your natural, biological urges, etc. and taught that things like wet dreams are signs of weakness and you should repent for them.

Your interpretation of things might just allow people who are lonely, and perhaps don't know where to turn because religion offers no help aside from the church lunches, to embrace pickup in their own way. That's what I feel this is all about, setting your goals, and learning some skills to improve your situation and achieve your desired goals. There is no reason that a person of faith cannot do the same without guilt.

You raised some wonderful points and it was a pleasure to read that post!

_________________
"As to the deceit perpetrated upon women, let it pass, for, when love is in the way, men and women as a general rule dupe each other."
-Giacomo Casanova

On the contrary, I am rather not church-centered. You'll note that Covey begins the section on church-centeredness by saying, I very much fall into the second category of people. My church attendance is irregular, to say the least, but I nonetheless read my Bible and try to put into practice what I've read. It should be abundantly clear from the opinions I expressed in the original post that there are some ways in which I disagree with the church, without regard for how that affects my image. Not all religious or spiritual people, you will find, are "church-centered."

_________________
Some vices miss what is right because they are deficient, others because they are excessive, in feelings or in actions, while virtue finds and chooses the mean.
Aristotle, Ethica Nichomachea