So, I met a lady friend at a singles function and we kind of hit it off. I've brought her out with me a couple times and bounced her to a few different places. I've been at her apartment until 5am once and she's been at my house to 5am twice. (We haven't had sex yet though...She's attractive, HB7 I'd say...but I'm not sure I want to bang it out with her, she's got a LOT of baggage, and I'm not sure I'd want her getting attached to me. Might be better to just keep her as a friend.)

Anyway, she's shown lots of IOI's...we've kissed a bit, talked about our sex lives, she's told me "you're a fabulous guy", etc. But then she told me "You intimidate me" and "You make me nervous". I'm not sure what I'm doing that triggers that, so I'm curious about her statements. I'm a quite warm and friendly kind of person...I'm really surprised by the "You intimidate me" statement. (I'm also not any kind of huge bulky guy...I'm 5'10, 165 lbs, so I'm roughly average height and fairly slender.) I certainly don't try to intimidate anyone, unless an unusual situation.

But it's got me thinking...I'm a decent looking guy with a little bit of a "rock-star" image about me...maybe I intimidate other women? Women sometimes approach me, and show lots of IOI's. I'm beginning to wonder if what I have been interpreting as lack of interest in some women I've met has actually been them feeling a bit intimidated by me instead. (I'll take that over disinterest any day!) I've never thought I was a "hot hunk" but some women certainly see me that way. I'm trying to put myself in the same place...I sometimes feel intimidated trying to talk to a total hotty...maybe some of the women I've approached where the rapport didn't seem to take off is the same sort of thing?

I was thinking about that last night after approaching a very cute girl at a bar who appeared to show IOD's. She was sitting in a loud area, and it was diffficult to talk with the noise. But, later a dude who wasn't very nice-looking managed to get her and her friend to join him and his friend for a game of pool in a quieter area. I said to myself "Damn...the ugly dude is bouncing her to a quieter area...I need to get my game on better and try again". So...I wandered back toward the quieter pool table area, saw her sitting there, and walked up saying "Oh, I thought you left". She said "no", then proceeded to ask me about my earring..."why do you wear that?" I said "because I like it", then told her some of the other symbolic things I hang from my earring occasionally, including a couple sexual innuendo's (a gothic looking key..."It could be the key to your heart...or it could be the key to the hand-cuffs"). Then she qualified herself to me by telling me that she sang great in the shower (I wish I had said "show me"...LOL...we were at a karaoke bar, thus the singing conversation.), and I proceeded to tell her a few things about vocal technique, making it a point to subtlely introduce some kino...touching her stomach when I was talking about pushing air, touching her face when I was describing air resonance in the sinus cavities, etc. No resistance at all. We spent a fair amount of time staring into each other's eyes as I talked. We exchanged numbers. (I'm wondering if she gave me her real number...I suppose I'll find out when I call her.) She made a comment late in the interaction about having a boyfriend...it seemed very insincere to me (her voice had a different tone to it when she pronounced that "fact"), so I'm sure pretty that was merely a shit test. I totally ignored it. She's a petite cute little HB8, so I'll definitely call her next week. I'm also quite glad I went and gave it another try in a quieter area.

Anyway, even in the loud area she had conversations with a couple other guys, but not really me. So, I'm wondering if I was intimidating her, and she was afraid to talk to me?

Funny side story...the ugly dude tried to AMOG me while I was sitting talking to her and occasionally touching her thigh, etc. He came and asked me if I used to have the earring on "the gay side" of my head. I just smiled at him and in a friendly way said "You don't see any holes in this ear, do you?" He chuckled a bit, shook my hand, and said "You're alright, man". I immediately put my hand on her leg and started talking to her again. So that also got me to thinking...I quite possibly intimidated him too. I certainly did dismiss his ass! LOL. I think my dangly earring definitely has a little peacocking and social proof built into it.

Any thoughts on all this intimidation commentary?

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

the first thing that came up in my mind is that she's afraid of showing her feelings, like you said she has alot of baggage.

And as for intimidation in general, people will feel intimidated every day. That's just how things work. you wouldn't want to get in a fight with that large bouncer or you'll feel intimidated by the beauty of that hb.

I wouldn't spend too much time thinking about it.
intimidation on first sight barely means anything as she gets to know you.

Great story btw :p

OK, good points actually. The woman who said this had probably spent 10-15 hours with me at that point...I'm a very warm and friendly kind of person, so I was just surprised that she'd say that after that much time. I would take the things I've mentioned above as a good indication that I'm coming across highly alpha though.

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.

Sounds like you're doing everything just about right, what the problem could be is your body language. Have you taken a step back to have a good look at how you carry yourself and project your feelings through your body?

Even if girls don't acknowledge that the reason they're intimidated by you is your body language they would have already subconsciously picked up on it.

Maybe the underlying problem here is simply something like your body language being too closed when you talk to someone or too upfront and engaging.

Hey gruuve been a while lol how you doing?

First off man - dont let one girls comments play on your mind so much. If you hear it from a few - then maybe change is needed. But to be honest - I think she was shit testing you. The majority of people who feel intimidated by someone wont just blurt it out. I think she said it to test your reactions.

- You make me nervous??? What frame was that in lol coz i could see that being either IOI or IOD in a neutral one lol,

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V1V

Thanks for the thoughts, guys. Yeah, the chick in question has a lot of baggage, so I shouldn't take her comments seriously.

So, I'm certainly not worried about it. I would rather be slightly intimidating versus slightly pushover. Just musing on how to adjust my game if necessary.

Gruuve

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Divorced dude having a good life.