Oneites! Why does it suck and why is everyone always on about getting rid of it? Its not because of what it is, its because of some of the traits many guys get when they become hooked on one women.

They get needy, clingy, anxious and dependant on the outcome. As a result, it very rarely works out because hell, those things aren’t very attractive. The amount of people who ask about oneites is staggering though, yet they always get the same answer. So why is it people keep asking the same thing over and over, if it always gets the same answer?

These people think that their case is special, this women is special, they are PASSIONATE about this women and want to do everything in their power to get her and have a great time. They feel this women is unlike any other, they are attracted to her.

Now, if you could feel those things without the negatives that normally come with it, doesn’t it seem like a good thing!

Semi-oneites! Here I go, I am going to say something that might get me shot down by people here so hard I will land somewhere last week.

I THINK ONEITES IS GOOD!

Don’t touch that reply button just yet....

Passion is what makes the difference. Remember a time when u have wanted something so bad in your life. You were passionate about it. That passion made sure you stuck to it, did the best things in your power, you took ur passion and made it into your drive. A drive to better yourself.

Now, when I look at what happens when most guys get rid of oneites they just go from girl to girl and stop themselves falling for anyone, I actually know of people who have looked across a room and seen a girl who they thought was just “wow” and didn’t open because they thought they had oneites for her. No, they didn’t. They saw a girl who they were highly attracted to, who in their mind had really high value. So why didn’t they do it? Because they used oneites as an excuse. I think to many people here use oneites as an excuse.

AA is common, how about outcome anxiety? Its a hell of a lot easier to justify to yourself that “oh it doesn’t matter, I was disconnected from the outcome so I don’t care”. If you go after that girl who you are passionate about and don’t get the outcome you want, your going to feel crap. Because you lost something you wanted. Sure, you can never go after that sort of women and therefore never feel bad, but will you feel the best you can? Will you feel passion for what you do? Its no different to someone saying “ah she’s talking – it would be rude to open her”.

Get passionate about PU, to do that, have a passion for your targets. Get semi-oneites. However, remember what all the shit things are with oneites, being needy etc etc. Cut them out, use what you know to get what you really want. If it doesn’t go well, use that passion to make urself better, use it as your drive to improve.

Madals

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Awesome read.
I can't relate to oneites yet but I'm sure I will later on .
Thank You

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Awesome post, oneitis is just healthy desire but people get so blinded by desire they forget everything they have learnt and revert back to AFC.

I have been thinking about why this happens and I think it comes down to an incorrect belief that game wouldn't work because she is too -insert quality-. When really this is just purposely placing her out of your reach to avoid having to try and thinking about how you may crash and burn.

NEVER EVER THINK SHE WOULDN'T LIKE ME ANYWAY it is a game killer

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Thank God somebody finally drew a distinction between oneitis and simply being really into a woman!

If I had taken the community's advice my entire life, some of my best relationships never would have happened because I was "too into her too soon."

It really is true: passionate relationships begin passionately. Great post Madals

nice post madz

i've noticed the same things now that you mention it

good stuff

I agree, oneitis is good as long as you don't develop all those negative traits. The fact that you're hooked on a girl is a great thing, you just need to keep yourself from becoming all weird over her and that is entirely in your control. If you don't get really hooked on girls, then you're shutting your heart down and closing it off from finding really amazing women and getting into really amazing relationships.

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"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

Semi-oneites is what i call it.
And at the start of the post i explained what oneites is and why it is negative to PU. Or do you have a different definition?
Madals

With all respect hobbit, i disagree. Thats not the point i am trying to make. I am not advising people to obsess over a girl, just not to be afriad of having a strong connection and realising that some girls are going to be more than your average HB (in your own mind).
I am saying have passion but avoide obsession!

While you might not think its oneites until you get obsessed, lots of people think oneites is when u feel a strong connection to a girl and think she is special.

That clear things up?
Madals

[edit because i went OTT and misssed the point]
Hobbit, are you just disagreeing about the name of it?
You keep saying its not what U think oneites is and its menaing is wrong in UR mind. But not everyone has the same meaning of the word, so i am just trying to communicate it in a way so people understand the theory behind it.
Or are you disagreeing with the theory?
Madals
p.s. i am not busting ur balls hobbit just trying to understand what your getting at.

I think that too many people misunderstand the term for it to be easily corrected by trying to straighten out what the actual denotation for oneitis is. I think that's the problem with PUA terminology, which is why I just try to steer people away from it. Creating more terminology to become more specific isn't going to fix anything, it just causes more debate and confusion.

As for the concept of oneitis though, most guys seem to think it's what occurs when you lose your sense of detachment towards a girl and actually develop feelings for her because you think about her all the time. I don't think that's what the definition should be, like Hobbs says it is an obsession, not just interest. When I talk to people that say they're getting oneitis for a girl though, I tell them it's fine and "a little oneitis is a good thing" because that's the only way they seem to understand that you don't want complete detachment and that if you're not that into a girl, then it's not gonna be a great relationship.

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"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

Rye lee, while it may not be the origional correct meaning of oneites many people think one-ites is getting a deeper connection. That is why i explained my point in that way, to help people understand.

Is the disagreement simply on the wording?
Madals

I think the way I worded it I didn't make clear sense...

I think most guys think that oneitis is anything related to being really into a girl, whether it's a result of interest in developing a deeper connection, having that deeper connection, or that unhealthy obsession you guys talked about earlier. Because they aren't realising the intended meaning was just the unhealthy obsession and not the healthy connections and passion for a girl it has confused a lot of people. The healthy connections and interest in girls is a good thing, the unhealthy obsession isn't.

If you want to use the term correctly based upon it's definition, then oneitis is bad. If you're going to use the common connotation, then a little oneitis is good. That's why terminology is bunk and only messes people up more.

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"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

That was the point i was trying to get across in my origional post, its to late to edit now but i should have summerised as
"obsession is bad, it shows all the negative traits that will make you creepy and wont work out.
Passion is what is needed, be passionate about what you do and your targets!!"

Is that more clear?
Madals