I wanted to take a moment and discuss this topic because it hasn't received any attention. Most guys will agree that girls complain a lot. I will agree that girls complain more than men, but sometimes, what seems like a complaint from a girl is really just a statement and she is really apathetic towards it.

Men and women communicate differently. Men tend to communicate essential information. It can transition into rapport, but there isn't the need to elaborate or fill silences when it isn't needed. Women on the other hand are more social creatures. They define themselves on the basis of a group and interactions. So sometimes we tend to say stuff that really has no feelings behind it at all.

For instance, if standing outside and no one is saying anything, a girl may say "It's cold." Now yes, that is a negative statement and technically a complaint. But it is how she says it that is important (we all know how you say something is more important than what you say). She is just filling the slience; it is a conversation ritual just to smooth things over. Yes, it is cold, but it may not really be bothering her too much. So you can say that that statement would be better left unsaid, but it is important to understand how guys and girls communicate differently.

I have heard guys say "stop complaining" in response to a girl saying "It's cold" just to ease the silence. That usually sparks a small argument like "I was't complaining..." blah blah blah. Such little misunderstandings can create tension.

So the moral is report vs. rapport. Guys do the former and girls do the latter. You can't always make people change the way they communicate, but you can understand how they communicate. That will affect your responses and help you avoid any misunderstandings and arguments that follow.

i have to completely agree with this. while complaints aren't really necessary, in a lull of conversation that could be the only thing she can think of to say.

my father repeatedly has said that when guys ask a question, it is merely to gather information, not to accuse. (i agree that this is a good thing to do with questions - ask not accuse.) so in the same way, girl's complaints may just be observations that they voiced.

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I always love looking at the difference between men and women in conversation, me and my friends will purposely be silent for a good few minutes when with a girl to see how they react, it's great to watch.

Also the report vs rapport and women's need to explain emotions is the main reason I can't stand listening to women telling stories. What takes a guy 20 seconds to tell, takes like 5 minutes for a woman, it drives me nuts.

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haha jaybot, that's a very blunt way of putting it!

you're all right about the differing conversational styles of men and women, especially about how it is common for women to ask questions to gather information and how this is perceived as cloying.

in studying couples therapy we learn that in the earliest stages of attraction, a woman's questions fulfill a need in the man to be found interesting and to be the center of someone elses world; however in the later stages of a relationship this very same attribute will be focused upon as the reason he can't stand her (she's naggy, she's oppressive, etc)

so, jaybot...maybe what thay says is that the real reason you can't stand women's stories is because for those 5 minutes you're not the center of attention

ps: if you're doing it right, it should seem like there isn't enough time in the world for you to say all you want to the other person, and an hours long conversation should go by in an instant. are you not creating this SPAM for your targets? look into that.

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hahah beautiful Jaybot getting served by girlbot lol but yeah that sounds like it could actually be the reason. Especially when they introduce little traps in the conversation, such as the mysterious other character. Out of politeness you feel the need to ask about this person which leads on to another story hehehe very sneaky.

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apparently i communicate like a girl. HA! no wonder why i cant keep any male friends!

A lot of wussy men do the same but women have this way of projecting their emotions:

They get turned on at a Chippendale show, so they go home and make mad love to their husbands. (positive)

They get pissed off at a girlfriend and instead of YELLING at her, she yells at her boyfriend about some totally random topic. (negative)

This emotional projection of the wussy man species or woman species can be maddening to a man. Yelling back or relying a totally logical message, "Stop whining" will only back fire and create more head aches.

Instead, nod your head and say, "Ah ha . . . hmm. . . I see . . . " but if she continues with her blood curdling yelps, you go, "So how can I help you?" and if that doesn't work, knock her down with a tranquilizer and have her sleep it off.

Hahaha, I get shit for this all the time! I make comments about annoying things and people think that I'm complaining, when really I'm just noticing something and saying it out loud. I'm pretty much up to about 50-50 split between speaking guy and girl fluently. I think a bunch of us need to get together and create a new civilization with this new language and see where things go.

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~ Rye

No~~!!!!! (Ha ha . . . notice I did the girly cry . . .)

. . . Depending on your day job, most guys should really, really try to cut down on the girly, wussy complaining thing. It's one thing to "understand" it and be able to work with it, but most of the professional World the World over is a male dominated no bullshit environment. Actually, even the professional women in high levels of business are more focused and whine and complain less.

I'm not gonna pretend annoying shit isn't annoying. If I say it and get it out there, then it's dealt with and I don't have to think about it anymore, I've cleared myself. If I don't say anything though, it just floats around in my brain and I keep thinking about it from time to time, getting more and more annoyed.

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"The 'Brick Walls' are there to allow you to prove how badly you want something!" ~ Randy Pausch

~ Rye

if a girl complains I find that to be a wonderful oppertunity to bust on her.

her: its cold
me: wish wold (in squealy girly voice.)

p

lmao I can't believe I never thought of that

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