Okay guys...one of my best guy friends sent me a message last night asking how he can tell his gf (of about 4 or 5 months) that he doesn't need to see her and hang out with her every night. He is worried about hurting her feelings. Lately he has been having mixed emotions about her because she is 20 and he is 25...but he still likes her...just wants to be able to chill some nights. And he thinks it would be good for her to embrace that time and make new friends bc she doesnt have many.

So have any of you guys had this talk with a girl...what did you say and how did it turn out?

From my own experience to girls who become a bit too clingy for personal comfort I later realized these girls are not girls I really wanted to be with "long term." I didn't mind hanging out with them short term and dating but when she got too close I wanted to push away. I have a feeeling your friend is feeling similar about things.

Anyways, I simply said that I have to take a little more time to myself to get things done in my life, and that she should take the time go have a girls night out. At first it was kind of tough with her pestering me everytime we didn't hang but then it got better.

Still I would look a the "root" cause for why he doesn't want to hang with her. I'm sure it's more than just she's around too much. Is she too young? Is there things about her he doesn't like? As I mentioned before that's usually a sign of your mind sub-conciously distancing yourself from a person.

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

100% agree with J.

I wish I would have been able to say that a few years back. Some girls/guys it seems they meet that one person, become attached and completely delete everyone else in their life. She needs to get more of a life outside of him. Whatever he says, she is going to flip and take it like he no longer wants to be with her.....

B, it sounds like you hooked this guy a little too hard darlin....


CK

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success is my only mother fucking option, failure is not.

Thanks Chino!

You're right she's not going to take it well if they've been hanging non-stop. She is going to want a "reason" for why he's distancing himself. So he better damn well have a "reason" to tell her, because she'll keep pestering him until she gets one. Then he needs to stick to his guns so to speak.

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Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Going alone with what JSmooth said it is most probably best to just break things off. Because the clingy girlfriend is going to think by her boyfriend not wanting to see her all the time, he wants to break things off.

Some old saying goes like, “he chased her until she caught him.” Best thing he can do to keep her/get himself some breathing space is to ease her into some group activities with his/her friends. Then occasionally, he should give it a last-minute miss when everybody’s getting together. Basically, let him help her grow some balls.

at the end of the day you just gotta be blunt. all beating around the bush does is creates problems rather than solving them.


he's just gotta lay down the proverbial law and make her realize that she is going to have to let go of the thing she loves most dearly in order to hold onto it.

i'd suggest writing down what he's going to say before he says it.

yes she will twist his words around. yes, she will get over it. continuing on with this madness will only hurt everyone.

The girl is clingy? She doesn't have friends? Those are two big red flags for me.

I hate to say this and this might sound pretty chode, but your friend and his girlfriend aren't each others' types. Although I generally refrain from discussing relationships on this forum, I believe that you can reliably measure how well two people match for a relationship on how similar they are in levels of maturity. It's not so much of the age gap that's causing this issue; your friend is mature enough to see the value of independence while his girlfriend hasn't grown out of the daddy issues she most likely has.

I think your friend should find a girl who's more focused on her independent passion(s) in her life.

I think your friend's current girlfriend should find a guy just as codependent as she is. Either that or she should discover what her passions are and enrich her life in the areas of health, wealth, and relationships according to her core values so that she can mature a bit. Yes, a part of that may involve you helping her make friends... if you want to leave her better than you found her, Bonita.

Girls whom I've thought have gotten a little too clingy usually get the hint when I'm contacting them less and less and when I'm giving a more distant and "friend" vibe... but I guess that won't really work for 4-5 month relationships.