I have through the last year/yearandahalf become more confident that I thought I'd ever be. I started out as a wimpy, unsecure guy, and now nothing can hurt me.
Beschatten shared his inner game, now I am sharing mine.
Yes, this is a long post, so I've bolded where I actually talk about the process.
People often commented on my confidence, but I was never that confident. I just blocked what everyone said about me, only listening to the positive things. Things still had an impact on me, I just didn't acknowledge it. The only problem was that things occationally fell apart, and that I was very self concious. Was I walking right? Did I smile the way I thought I should? Despite that, people started commenting on how awesome I were, and how cool I was because I wasn't like everyone else (long hair, black clothes and I spoke my mind). Still, it was only when I was with my friends that I showed them my true self.
I had a couple of girlfriends before discovering the community, which helped me evolve and become more secure about who I was. No longer did things have that big of an impact on me, but I was never as confident as I wanted to be. I wasn't always that confident around girls I liked, but still I had more female friends than male. Because of this, I always knew how to talk to girls and what to say to them, but I didn't know how to attract them, and I rarely had the guts to do it.
A couple of months after turning 16, my confidence had an extreme boost. While I still didn't quite know how to attract most girls, I knew how to connect with people on a deep level, and when meeting new people, we always ended up looking like people who have been best friends for years.
At this time, the girls I knew how to attract were scene-girls. All I needed to do, was to establish eye contact with them and smile. It worked every single time, and it boosted my confidence. And I didn't mind, cause I like certain scene-girls
I then discovered the community, and how to actually attract girls. Now I could smile and attract not only scene-girls, but most girls I wanted.
I realised that shutting all negative comments out, wasn't real confidence. Real confidence is realising that nothing matters, and that you yourself is able to do absolutely anything. I sat on the bus one day, and was extremely happy. I was smiling all the way to the bus stop, and suddenly thought that I couldn't smile on the bus. Other people might think I was weird. I then stopped. What the hell was this shit? I shouldn't be happy because people might not like it? Should people I don't even know affect the great mood I was in? Fuck no! So I continued smiling, just enjoying the feeling of happiness. And guess what? People smiled back at me! And even better, girls started giving me that flirty look.
That bus drive made me realise what real confidence is, where it comes from and who's really in control of it. After a few months in the community, I knew what it felt like to be in control of how I felt.
There. My pep-talk is over. Now to the good stuff:
When I first learned about the community, I thought that it was the routines that would help me. Now I know that it's what they actually say about me and what I project that is alpha and omega. I'm not a fan of Mystery's “Fake it till you make it”-policy. I no longer use routines that much. Routines are just a backup that starts conversation and eliminates that creepy silence.
Anyway. This is what I learned, chronologically:
I started out simple. All I did was straightening my back up, pushing my shoulders back and stopped pecking into conversations. Whenever anybody said something, I leaned slightly backwards. Then I started relaxing. I relaxed every muscle in my body whenever I felt tense, lowering my shoulders and just breathing calmly. Just doing this, got me tremendous results. People became more aware of me, paying attention to what I had to say, and started turning towards me when they said something in a group. Hell, girls even started looking at me and smiling when they thought I wasn't looking.
Next, I started smiling. Not that big grin, just a little smile that made me look a bit happy. After I started smiling, some people even started smiling back. But more importantly, after getting responses from random girls smiling at me and giggling, as a result of smiling and being open, I realised that smiling also made me happy. And it's proven that smiling has an impact on you, and will actually make you feel happy. I realised that confident people never are afraid to smile.
After doing these visuals, I started on how I talk. I've always been known to talk fast, and I always wondered if my voice ever would be deep. I started putting my hand on my chest, to both remind me to talking slower and to actually feel my voice deep down in my chest, indicating that my voice was deep enough. My goal was to love the sound of my own voice and really love telling stories. And that ohould be your goal as well!
I started feeling more and more good about myself, so I decided to become more daring. So what if I fucked up? Did it matter? I felt good about myself, why wouldn't I take advantage of that? And really, nothing mattered. Either I would never see them agani, and if I screwed up in front of people I know, then why not fuck up with a smile? I especially remember one time playing soccer in PE a year ago. I used to dislike PE, and soccer even more. Usually I wouldn't have played and done some laps instead, but this time I was the goalkeeper. Long story short: the other team scored 5 goals, and 4 of them were because of my incompetence. I didn't care, joked abit about it, and guess what? People smiled. I was still a part of the team. People actually appreciated me more than the rest of the players and everyone just had fun.
I no longer have a problem with opening or talking to strangers. What I only could do to scene-girls, I now can do to most girls. I am never nervous, in doubt, self concious or afraid of what other people may think of me.
So. What does this have to do with confidence? This was my long path towards high self esteem, and I ended up very well. I've always heard “Don't care about what other people say”, and so on, but until about a year ago, I never really knew what it REALLY was like. It goes so much deeper than that. It has gradually made me realise that:
* I am the only one to decide what I should (think, say, wear, do, and so on) and shouldn't
* None other than me should give me a bad mood, but they are welcome to make me even happier
* No one cares if I fuck up, as long as I don't make a big deal out of it and take it with a smile
* People most often forget bad things people have done, as long as they're otherwise cool/good/etc – if it's not a big deal to you, it's not a big deal to others
* Our limiting believes is what we end up with
* So much of it is in our head – so if you're positive, positive things will happen
* I know that my prescense will make an impact on others, and I never forget it
This is what real confidence is to me – Knowing that bad things are not a big deal. Knowing that bad things never will decide how I feel and what I do. knowing that I am the boss of me, and no one else can change that. Knowing that I am just as good as everyone else, and sometimes even better.
Also. When I was little I thought that someone had the ability to just others on what's cool and not, and the rest of us couldn't. I now know that I'm wrong. This has made me realise that I'm my own judge, and I show that through how I present, and people really notice this. I am now in control of my own life. Me. Only me. As I've reached the peak of confidence, girls start approaching me and daily give me approach invites.
Now. After almost two pages, you've done good. You've actually read this
I hope (and think) that you've learned something, and I can promise you that it will do you good if this becomes a part of you and who you are.
CHAT
