so i want you guy's opinion, i had a talk with a friend who is now a workaholic and a boring person to be around. He said he's to old for the immature boy life (messing with multiple girls) and my womanizer instincts tried to get him to change his mind, he told me he's looking to settle down and get married. i told him how it's hard to be in LOVE so young and not waste your early years SEARCHING for it...he told me he's not lookign for love, and i was stupid for thinking marriage is about love

Now i know some people get married for love, but if you think about it, many people especially one's who are looking to settle down really treat it like a business. people making goals to have a family, get a nice house with a nice car, and maybe a pet....BEFORE THEY'RE EVEN IN A RELATIONSHIP. I see alot of couples nowadays who aren't happy at all but stay together because of the finaces or kids


im not experianced at this at all but i want you opinion on this, do you believe many people get married because of TRUE love, or is it a business

and when i say business i mean doing it for money, kids, or because they're getting old

stupid question maybe but still want opinions

_________________
"My understanding of women only goes as far as the pleasure. When it comes to the pain I'm like any other bloke - I don't want to know."-Alfie

When people are young, it often is "love"(which is ultimately just strong sexual attraction combined with trust and comfort).
As people get older, they tend to find that "love" feeling less often and less sharply. Especially over 40. It's both hormonal and experience. People usually only fall in love once or twice at most. And it is always temporary.

I think most people settle for someone they can(hopefully) tolerate. Mostly out of desperation. This is almost regardless of age. I know few people who chose a spouse among a variety of good options. It's almost always because of fear.

My personal take? Once you have a lot of experience, it's almost impossible to be "in love" like when you were a teenager(or even early 20s).

The saddest part is, most people could actually be fairly happy. Unfortunately, most people are terrible at meeting new people or screening people, and so they end up with a totally random partner. That usually leads to unhappiness.

What you need for a good marriage is mostly just a basic sexual attraction, solid friendship, and similar life priorities. It's so simple that almost everyone can do it.

_________________
RSDTyler

that makes alot of sense, how old are you

_________________
"My understanding of women only goes as far as the pleasure. When it comes to the pain I'm like any other bloke - I don't want to know."-Alfie

I am 28.
This is based less on my personal experience(though it is true that I have not been "in love" since I was 15) and more on observation. I've sometimes seen people well over 30 "fall in love" again but usually they aren't very experienced(they married young).

I also understand that what I feel is ultimately just scientifically predictable hormones. Millions of other women could trigger the same thing. Coupled with someone I like as a person and care about? Less often, but it's not all that rare. I've dated at least 15 women I could have married and been happier than most marriages. Probably only 5 that were really good prospects for a good marriage.

I think too many people want things they can't have, realize they'll have to settle for less than their ideal, and then drastically undershoot their potential. Just because you're chubby and lower middle class, doesn't mean you can't find a chubby lower middle class mate that you actually like and wants most of the same things you do. There's settling randomly and settling wisely. Most people seem to do it at random.

_________________
RSDTyler

I believe we are taught both things, but they're always at odds. We have desires, men and women, and when we're young, it's easy to fall in love because there is nothing else in this world but that other person. As we get older, maybe have kids and responsibilities, we desire a better life or a life that we can picture for ourselves.

Since we're in the financial system we're in, this takes money to acquire such a life, and then we start to look at our mate and say "You're not pulling your own weight. You're holding me back." If it's not you saying it, it will be your mate saying it (in most cases).

I feel that your friend is a workaholic because he wants a certain life and he cannot acquire it without money. He's aware that love exists, but he has now placed money over it since he sees it as a business. He may eventually find someone who shares the same financial goals as him, but eventually, they'll find that money didn't bring them happiness and will wind up cheating to find something more natural because the love of money is not natural.

It's an endless cycle. I think the best thing to do is to set your goals, execute, and if it doesn't work out, move on.

_________________
"You ain't accustomed of going through customs. You ain't been nowhere, huh?"