Hey guys, i was just contemplating a recent flake of mine. My gut and my now somewhat analytical way of reading people both told me this girl was very interested in me. Maybe i am right and she flaked b/c she was intimidated....she is an obviously insecure girl. Anyway....conversation of the night was typically about "attraction"/"sex" and what not.....b/c of all this PUA knowledge about evolutionary psychology or as mystery terms "hardwiring" i was able to hold a solid frame on the conversation. Anyway, her and i isolate ourselves and start talking....i probably did MOST of the talking b/c i was feeling very confident/alpha but then again i typically have a lot of things to say.

Some may think that people who have a lot to say and want to share it are insecure about themselves and to let others know that THEY know things...are opinionated...basically want to clarify they aren't stupid or are so selfish that they love to hear themselves talk. I'm trying to be very open to this possibility, but if someone is going to mention something that i know a lot about or feel strongly about.....i don't see why i should NOT share it.

I was just reading an NLP book which spoke of a rapport enhancing technique called Sorting by other. Basically means, genuinely care about what the other person is saying and see it from their perspective, don't always compare it to yourself. This correlates with "people love talking about themselves". But is something that confuses me...by talking about something i'm confident in....or something that i'm passionate about...that can only "raise my value" although that's only the byproduct. And so many times i try to ask people questions and really CARE about the responses and try to further the reasons for that responses....i get "is this an interview"?

WTF. My genuine interest in hearing about someone's life/feelings is now being thrown in my face as a shit test. So fuck this person right? That's how i'd normally think. How do you let someone see that you you're trying to learn about them.....for whatever reason care what they think on topics/why they think that way....w/o getting such a shit test. I thought people liked to talk about themselves?

Thanks for reading!

There's where you went wrong. As one of the mPUAs said (forget which one, but I think it might be Style) "Interrogation is not sexy."

Asking too many questions is both annoying and demonstrates neediness. Try to think of a way to convert those questions into open-ended statements. That way the conversation flows much more naturally.

I've heard that before about always asking open ended questions, but usually towards a question that could be responded with a simple yes or no answer. I'm talking about ...say....

HB: yeah i want to make clothes and be involved in fashion
Me: and you save a lot of money haha, what about making clothes is so enjoyable?

That kind of question....kind of eliciting values type stuff. Anyone else have any tips please?

Ok, try rephrasing too, like instead of "what about making clothes is enjoyable?" Do something like "What kind of feelings or expression do you put into design?" Its the same question, but the second one makes them open up more to you I think, and it makes what you ask them "different".

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People say that violence isnt the answer, I say they're just asking the wrong questions!

Not unless you're into playing good cop baaaad cop.
Its a bit easier to make it a game. 20 questions type of things. That way it doesn't come off as you being an iterrogator. And as for another thing, you can easily remedy the CARING thing with the phrase, "Y'know, I really like talking to people and learning from them. I'm a people person, its just what I do."

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