I once had a college professor who had over 40 years in professional negotaion experience and I asked him what the biggest thing that he learned about people was. He told me this:

"What I have noticed about people in all of my years of experience is that people first play not to lose, and then they play to win."

I thought about this long and hard and even doubted it for a while. The key distinction is playing to to lose, once people have that safety, that comfort then they can play for the win.

Lately I have been thinking about this quite often and it really is different for everyone in how they define losing, but I have seen it to be true over and over.

-Women marry an average guy just so they are not single into their 30s, then they often see that as the loss and then go for what they want-the win.

-The guy approaches only to play it safe, maintaining his comfort. This is him not losing. It is only when the guy gets tired of hearing "nice to meet you" does that actually become a loss for him and then he is actually able to go after something more.

-People go after the safety of a job they don't like just so they not lose and then they go after what they really want.

I noticed this with myself when I would go on dates with girls and it would go really well. I would kiss them and then I thought I would see them again. This was me not losing. Winning would have been closing them on that first date, but I found that playing it safe didn't always lead to eventually closing them so just making out with the girl after a great date was no longer not losing for me but in fact losing in this sense. I then went on to go for the close every date because otherwise it was a lose for me.

Just my thoughts on a Thursday before going out. Open to all opinions on this subject!

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D.W. Francis - College Takeover
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