Now before the foreveralones come saying ''shes cheating bro'', I can safely say this isn't the case. Why? For the past 3 months we've spent the majority of our time together. I stay at her place 5-6 days a week. That being said, a few things have happened since the beginning of the relationship a year ago. Admittedly the number one thing which happened is I got lenient, letting things slide, which turned into a shitstorm now, and she has zero respect for me in the relationship. I can't be the man. In arguments, she'll tell me to shut up, calls me an asshole, etc. and even has the audacity to say that she doesn't want me to call her a 'cunt' when we argue because its "worse than what she calls me'' (wtf?). In fights she'll throw a fit, and then just be dismissive of what i have to say. Later on she apologizes and we make up for the next little while, and then again like boxers we'll be at it again. I used to be so confident, but now im just tired and defeated. I need help regaining my masculinity, and i dont know where to even start. This relationship has been getting worse and it culminated in two nights ago her saying she doesnt want to have sex with me anymore. Yesterday, on her birthday i got her the gift that she wanted, made everything really special and busted my ass to show her that i do care about her. Fastforward two hours she started a menial fight after the party and 'didnt feel like having sex anymore'. Ive been at my wits end for a while, but since I love this girl, i cant just walk away. I know youre probably wondering why, but I want to give it another shot, because dont get me wrong there were great moments in this relationship, ones which keep me hoping that we can go back to being that way. What can I do to fix this relationship, I love this girl, but shes openly told me she doesnt respect me (and in turn doesnt feel respected). How do i get this relationship back on track, my manhood back, and myself back to where i need to be?

Thanks boys

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It sounds like she is trying to make you break it off with her so she doesn't have to be the bad guy.

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her reasoning is that if we're in a bad place in our relationship, she cant be into the sex. Whenever i ask her what the real problem is her response is always that she just wants the unnecessary pain to stop.'

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What exactly is the unnecessary pain?

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Its in reference to the fights we have, says they drain her emotionally. Truth be told they kill me too. My thoughts are on how to get the power back in the relationship. I read somewhere to take a break in her name for a week i.e 'youre obviously not coping well, and obviously need some time off to consider things so lets take a week break and see how we feel... Etc' type of thing. Is this a good way to get back on the right track?

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Dream as if you'll live forever, Live as if you'll die today - JD

It's not a good idea if you want to take control. It sets a bad precedent if she gets in a bad mood in the future and she'll think it's her option while you are standing there with no choices in the matter.

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My two cents:

She's either controlling you emotionally or she's pressuring you towards marriage. The latter may not be the case in your situation, but I have had women/girlfriends give it up to me and cut me off because they realized I never mentioned a future together, so they decided to stop (withholding the reason, but I knew).

I think you're already being controlled, which is why you're at your wits-end. If not that, she's not communicating her needs properly or you're not listening. If you want it to work, I suggest counseling.

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Man, I can't figure where you could possibly be going wrong with this girl. I mean you're calling her the c name, which girls typically LOVE....it's just a big mystery I guess.

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Your posts have been really vague. Give examples of the fights, how they start and what happens, what does she say. I don't know how these signal no respect...shut up can be dismissive, but if you're some hate spewing dude, telling you to shut up could be legit. Gut reaction here, it sounds like you're doing something here too. I say this because you seem more concerned with the consequences of stupid fights (lack of respect, sex) than the fact you're having them. Either way, your problem is complex and simple advice is to run. But if you're looking for good advice on whether she can change, whether maybe you have to change some things or whether you and her are just doomed, you need to fill in alot of details.

PS- as to Puaninja's words...lol. Yeah, if you ever have a relationship where you're calling the girl a cunt, that's the end.

I'm going to tell you exactly what I tell women who ask this same question.
It's difficult to change *you* and how *you* behave. It's impossible to change someone else. There is nothing you can do to force this girl to act right. She has to decide to do so. There may be things you do to make it more or less likely, but there is no surefire way to do this.

You can try to diagnose what's going wrong. Have an adult conversation with her about the specifics, and both agree to try not to do the things causing this conflict.
But at the end of the day, the only one you can assure will follow through is you.

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RSDTyler

Your ages?

Oh, and don't call her a cunt.

Just about the worst thing you can call a girl.

i would advice you to do a search on blackdragon blog start here:

http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2013/08/ ... nt-part-1/

but look on some of his articles on soft nexting...

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Frankly, after going through something that sounds pretty similar I'd say just get out while you still can.

Does it kinda go like this?

She says/does something hurtful.
When you react she starts interrupting, insulting, being dismissive or otherwise provoking you further?
Then she shifts the fight to "how you fight" and your anger problem
The original thing she did to upset you is no longer an issue

That's every fight ever with my ex. The thing is, in my case it turned out she never really wanted to be with me. She wanted marriage and a baby, and I think subconsciously she wash lashing out and pushing me away because she didn't actually want me.

Point being, your girl might be subconsciously trying to keep you apart.

So yeah, my advice is just get out and move on. "Love" is not an excuse to let her treat you this way. Remember the whole abundance mindset thing. There are other chicks out there, probably hotter and more sane who you can also love.

If you choose to keep trying though:

1) Do your best not to get angry. It feeds her, basically. She is probably subconsciously thinking you're a giant asshole with a temper problem, then does something to get you angry, then you get angry and validate her belief.

2) Do not, under any circumstances, call her names. Be the bigger man. Her calling you names is not an excuse for doing the same. Two wrongs don't make a right.

3) As someone else said, relationship counselor. Given that you are insulting her, you BOTH probably need to work on communication skills. You could also get a book called "The Power of Two." It's all about couples communication. (Just be ready for her to read it and constantly use it against you instead of changing her own bad behavior.)

I was in this almost exact situation recently, I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did so do yourself a favor and walk away. WALK AWAY. WALK AWAY. WALK AWAY.

I dragged it on for months man. The girl disrespected me many times, wasted my time, blew me off on dates, and then flaked out on sex as well. I didn't have the guts to walk away, but I fucking wish I did. It would have made my life a hell of a lot easier, and she would probably be fucking me again today. Instead, she walked out on me, and she ain't coming back.

She is egging you on into walking out on this one- you are kidding yourself if you think it's remotely okay for her to withhold sex from you. I don't care how much time you spend with her, that is bull shit nonsense and doesn't even warrant a response. Walk out, and you will ironically win her back.

You better walk away, or you will regret how much of a bitch you became in the relationship. She withholds sex from you after you buy her a present?? FUCK THAT.

It's time for you to walk away man. She's not cheating on you, but she isn't respecting you. If she doesn't respect you, she will never love you. You have to walk away from this situation, let her start missing you for a while, and let her choose to come back into your life and give her best self to you.

The best way to go about this is to sit her down, say it isn't working for you, and that you are leaving her. Don't turn it into an argument, just say you are doing what is best for you- don't criticize her anymore, say you care about her deeply, but that you have to leave the relationship for your own health and freedom. She may not like it, but she will be attracted to it, because that's what people who respect themselves do- they don't let people disrespect them on a regular basis. Don't apologize for anything, just leave, and don't contact her.


It may to tough to go no-contact for a few days, or a few weeks, but I'd be willing to bet you hear from her. And when that happens, you can set up a casual get together.

I am sorry you are in this situation man, it is a mother fucker to deal with, but you have to put your long term health first, you have to risk losing her to gain her attraction. If she doesn't come back, then that's her loss man. However, if you do what I tell you, and stand up for yourself, like a man should, and leave, she will very likely come back.

Start by withdrawing all physical contact unless she initiates it. You can hug her and shit but only when she moves in for a hug first. She has to be first every single time for two months, make that a goal.

Stop fighting with her. Would you fight with a child? No, you'd laugh and not take it that seriously. Treat her that way. Just leave the room laughing if she tries to fight you. She isn't your equal at this point if she doesn't respect you.

Stop talking about emotional serious shit with her. At this point she probably knows all of your fears and worries. You have to cut that out and become vague and independent to regain her attraction and respect.

Don't buy her another god damn thing until Valentine's day. No gifts. No flowers. Nothing.

Stop spending 5-6 days a week with her and cut it to 2-3. When she brings it up say you're just busy these days. She's used to you and knows you'll always be around. That gets boring to women quick.
not safe enough for my taste. unless you're around her 24/7 you have no idea what she's up to.

start hitting on other women in front of her, flirt with them. you need to make her jealous and get her competing to regain your attraction.

don't tell her she's pretty. she's used to you wanting her sexually. and don't even ask for sex anymore. if she tries to make a sexual advance on you, and this takes work bro, but calmly and cooly reject her. it will drive her crazy and confuse the hell out of her. which is good for you.


The main thing is you gotta withdraw affection and attention from her, but do it in a way that doesn't seem bitter. Don't act angry around her anymore whatsoever. Just treat her like she is a big joke, not to be taken seriously.

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