Hi all,

This is my first post on the site. I will post up an intro of myself shortly, just after I get this off my chest.

So I have been reading this forum and a few others, and watching videos of PUA artists infield for a while now.

After learning some of the tips and tricks, I thought I'd approach my coworker who I am really really infatuated with. We had been exchanging lots of eye contact for a few months now but never really spoke to each other.

Today I thought I'd come up with a work related excuse to finally talk to her, and boy did I f*ck up my chances big time.

As I was walking over I was already a nervous wreck, and then when I opened my mouth my voice went all soft (I usually have a deep voice) and shaky. I was really nervous and I could even feel myself trembling a little bit. I don't know if she noticed it too, but it feels like she completely brushed me off and inside I feel like I have completely screwed any chances I had with this girl.

It's so depressing because I really like her, and I was certain she liked me too, until now!

Learning from what I've read on here, I guess the best thing to do is to not bother with her again. I've already come across as being very nervous, and I don't want come across as being desperate and needy as well now. What do you guys say?

Usually I am fine with approaching girls who I have no feelings towards, but as soon as I like a girl, I just get into quite a nervous state when I need to approach her.

Looks wise / dress sense / physically, I am very good, and have always been complemented on these things. Most of the time I will notice rather attractive girls eying me up, but as soon as I need to approach them I get very anxious and my confidence just goes down the drain. I don't understand why that is.

Anyway thanks for reading, some feedback would definitely be appreciated. Thanks

First, MAJOR props for making the approach, most guys would have not done that.

The truth is it would have been a damn near miracle if the interaction went any different. That's why the advice is to always get good at the game with other girls so when the one you REALLY want comes along you will know what to do/say.
Women are mirrors and that is why she reacted in the manner she did - you did not give her any other option.
Approach more girls, and your nervousness will go down by a ton.
Of course; this is natural. Are you nervous to ask some dude at the gas station a question. No. Same reason. There is nothing on the line.
That is because you haven't put in enough time in the field. You have to remember, girls are ready to be approached for sex; they've been preparing for it their entire lives. They're just human, so don't make it a big deal. The attitude to take when approaching a girl is, "there are 10000000 girls just around the corner who would LOVE a shot to talk to me, this suave dude. I'm going to reward this particular girl by talking to her because I find her attractive." Flip the script. Also a little nervousness is fine as long as you come overall with a sexy/smooth/confident frame.

The way out of your predicament is through practice. Stumble and fall on your ass a bunch until you get comfortable with chatting up and dating hotties. That's the only way.

Keep your head up bro, no worries, you WILL get there if u don't give up.

Thanks for the encouraging reply man. You've also given some good advice there, which I am definitely going to take on board.

I am just going to keep at it, and keep practicing, no matter how nervous I feel. Not with her though because that went so wrong and I don't want to come across as desperate as well now.

This is a miracle. My plan was to ignore her today, and we had a social gathering at work today, and she came up and made an excuse to speak to me!

So we started talking to each other and there were a few awkward silences (I really really like her and she makes me nervous - I still hope I haven't screwed this up). I really don't know what my next move is going to be. One thing I really want to do is take her out to lunch, but I don't want to approach her in a needy way.

And please let me know if this is the correct section to discuss such topics. Thanks people!

Dude the girl likes you. Awesome news. I realize this may not be your cup of tea at this point but if you want to quickly lose your nervousness around her, approach a bunch of girls tomorrow (away from the office of course) with the intention of getting their #. If you decide not to do this, just have fun, ignore the butterflies as best you can and try to have a frame of entitlement around her.

I didn't approach her again after that gathering. But I have the weekend now to relax a bit, try and socialize with random women, and plan my tactics for the new week. It's also her birthday this week, so a great opportunity there.

Something I really need to do is build that level of comfort around which I have failed to do yet due to my nervousness. Even though we talked there was awkwardness there. If I can overcome that, things should go much smoother!.

Whenever I speak to someone I like, I find myself continuously thinking about that episode, and keep worrying that I may have done something wrong and the attraction is going to be lost.

All of a sudden she left work. I sent her a very direct email telling her to keep in touch - 24 hours no response. I guess I call it quits. Ah man so heartbroken!

The only solution to get over this is to get rid of that rating scale crap in your head, it gets you nervous big-time. Searching for beauty in girls is of what most of us do, but once you realize that you want to focus more on her personality, you'd be getting laid everyday.

In short, when speaking to girls, try your best to ignore their looks in any way (EX: imagine them with no makeup). Anything would do as long as you factor out her looks. You'd feel more confident.

Yeah, I don't think you can "really like a girl" when you've "hardly ever spoken" with her. You can fancy her, but there is a big difference between fancying a girl (and wanting to fuck her) and actually liking a girl. There was one girl I was infatuated with for ages. She was my "ideal" girl looks wise. I focussed on her looks. We eventually got quite close, and to be quite honest she did my head in. She was nice enough, but a bit crazy and she was always needing compliments and reassurance that I liked her etc. etc. I couldn't be bothered with it in the end. So I'd wasted months and months of my time infatuated with this girl, only to then start speaking to her properly and realising I didn't actually like her all that much!

Again, this is something which you can only really stop doing with experience. If you've got a number of good looking girls on the go (or have had), then you tend to focus less on the beauty of a girl alone. You think that, yeah she's hot, but there are plenty of other girls you find hot as well. And if you don't like this hot girl, you can go and find another hot girl who you do like.

This is so true. Sometimes in the field you'll spot a hottie and only upon talking to her realize you're not into her for whatever reason. For example opened a Russian girl who I thought was so hot but then she had bad teeth. Haha. You never know, best to start talking to the girl ASAP to find out if there is chemistry & you still want her.

Yeah, I think 'like' is probably the wrong word to use. It was definitely infatuation ( bordering on obsession ).

I really felt like there was sexual tension on both sides. But she left so quick without mentioning, I had no idea until her friend told me!

So I got hold of her email address from her friend, sent her a very direct email asking to keep in touch and her phone number to talk, but no reply. I was quite certain she would reply.

Anyway, I've learned a lot from this whole experience, and went to a bar last night with a couple of friends, and for the first time was so confident and direct when speaking with random girls. I didn't get any numbers, as my intention was to just get rid of the AA and just become more smooth with this whole thing. And naturally the girls reacted in a very friendly/playful manner. Awesome!

Don't get overly discouraged at what I am about to say, but if the girl makes you that nervous, it's not the girl for you. I'm also very careful with how I pursue women at work. I try to keep what I call the 33% rule on girls I know I'm going to see every day. 33% of the time I'm nice, friendly, smiling, 33% I'm ignoring them, not looking at them at all, 33% I'm a tad rude. If your nice Monday, ignore them Tuesday, Wednesday be nice again, thursday be kind of an asshole Friday go back to nice and just mix it up. Weds, thurs friday, be rude and ignore mode.

Usually, if they think you are good looking and just semi-cool and smooth and come in to some face to face contact at work, she's going to make it obvious eventually if you do what I say. Eye contact from women doesn't mean shit contrary to what "experts" want you to believe. You may look interesting to her. You may look like her cousin or a guy she went to school with. She may give 20 guys the same eye every day. She may be teasing you with her eyes to see if you will talk to her, just to see what you say. Odds are overwhelming that you are much much more interested in her than she is in you at this point. Women really don't appreciate or want that, and it never works out unless she's low quality somewhere along the line. ie; average looks, overweight, bad health habits, difficult keeping any friends, etc.