Ok so I'm no Casanova bringing home loads of girls. I need to say that because the way I will talk about my commitment issues may give that impression.

I've been into game for about a year now. I'm still learning slowly as I should. I'm finding my way. I always have in my mind however that I'd like to meet a Oneitis and lock her up, at least for a little while. Ive never really had a serious relationship before. I was with a girl at the end of high school but she really was just the first hot girl I could get my hands on. She was my first bicycle I fucked like crazy.

It's been six years since. I haven't been in a Facebook worthy relationship, for lack of a better term. I'm tired of being a lone wolf. I've seen friends go through a relationship or two and have a lot of fun with it. I see it as a way I could just drop the big chip off my shoulder and relax. No more worrying about having to improve my game or die. No more hunting to validate myself as an attractive male. I'm sure this is a wrong thing but that's how it is. I'm pretty anxious to just see what it's like to have a real relationship once. I need to know I'm not some vacant piece of man meat. I've slept with more girls than any of my friends but that is not important to me.

Let me now address my problem. I have commitment issues. I have a big fear that, when I get close to a girl and lock her up, I'll get tired of her quickly. I'll find something I don't like and think, " What did I just get into?" I was seeing a girl for a little bit and when I "locked her up" I soon got tired of her. I felt like she wasn't a good fuck. I didn't feel like she was hot enough. Maybe there was something more to it, but when I see her on Facebook and when I bumped into her in a bar, I feel attracted to her and think wtf was I thinking? She's cute and she has a great personality. Why did I throw a great catch away?

Again, I met a girl in a bar and picked her up. This was probably my first definitive successful pickup since gaming. I say that because I'm currently dating her. She is diggin me a lot and calls me often. I haven't f closed her. I'm still a ways off from being able to fuck a girl the day I meet her. (I did that once a couple years ago at a house party but that doesn't count since the girl was a super slut who attacked me.) I remember thinking the day I met this girl at the bar "holy shit she is super cute and I'd be proud to get her." Now after actually having her virtually on track to be my gf, I find myself scared of commitment again. I keep picking on little things to dislike about her. I don't like that she wears lipstick to go out. I don't like the shape of her thumbs. (Lol seriously). She's too skinny. She talks too much. She isn't hot enough.

I keep telling myself that this is my mind just trying to find reasons wrong with her. It's my brain telling me lies. My brain wants me to be cautious. My brain wants me to reserve perfect 10s who play video games like Jessica Nigri (google her...you're welcome).

Maybe it has something to do with the first girl I ever fell in love with breaking my heart when I figured she would be the first real relationship. Long story short, after dating a couple months, a girl told me she loved me. I was hesitant and mistrusting of women as always, but I caved and opened up to her. In the height of my emotions for her as I was about to lock her up, she flipped a switch and said she didn't have feelings for me anymore the way only girls can. This caused me immense pain and reaffirmed and strengthened my distrust for women. Maybe this is what's causing my issues.

I'm not sure if I should dismiss these feelings as normal or if maybe I should actually be super picky like this. The only girl I should deal with are perfect girls. Those girls don't exist and I will probably be looking forever. When I find one I probably won't even be able to pick her up out of shock and awe.

Do I have commitment issues? Am I crazy for coming up with reasons not to like a girl?

Am I forcing the relationship idea too much? If that's the case then how come its been so long and I've never had a serious relationship while I've seen a bunch of friends go through a few?

Am I the guy who can never love a girl again? Am I gonna be that single uncle who picks up chicks at bars into his 40s? If this is the case, I should just f close this girl and keep working on my game in the hopes of becoming a guru, which would be the climax of my romantic life as opposed to actually being with a woman I enjoy and care about. There's really only two paths to follow.

_________________
AFC Level 1