Ok guys i need some serious help.

For the last month i have been trucking around Austin TX, living day to day in my 94 White dodge vargo van. IT HAS WINDOWS so at least ihave that going for me. I am homeless, so i go out a lot. I also have become pretty good at approaching people, as everyone is a stranger to me, and I a stranger to them. I have one friend in the area. I dress well and usually have just enough money for food amd gas.

I just turned 24 last week. For my birthday my battery was dead, but a nice security guard who patrolls the parking lot gave me a jump start. I usually never drink, but on this special occasion i had just enough drink to put me in a pleasantly resentful minor rage. A group of older guys were talking about "what women want" out on the patio, so i hopped in the conversation. They said i came off as kind of bitter and not to take things so seriously.

Living this close to street level toughens your skin a bit. I never feel afraid when tromping about the city and I have developed the flexibility to talk and interact with all sorts of people, from bums and street crazies to municipal court judges. Tragically, the only demographic i really have trouble with are the people in my own age group, who live normalized, stable and rooted existences.

As i said, i have never felt tougher, more capable or more confident in my entire life. Hounded by the ridicule of my peers and the realities of my lonely ands sexless existence, i began the long slow slide from the boujeois way of life more than three years ago. I dropped out of college, began living in flophouses and was fired from every job i have had since. I do not drink, aside from my birthday and i do not do drugs. I read prolifically. I scored a 28 on my ACT standard test, first try with no study prep. I consider myself pretty handsome, although a bit malnourished.

THIS IS NO JOKE LOL. I need your advice on how to get the babez into my van for some hobo lovin. Tia and goodbye

Don't live in a van and get a fucking job. You're smart, what the fuck are you doing choosing to live like this?

Because it's "cool". I've gone to Austin two or three times a year for the past decade. That's the impression I get from the homeless hipsters.

Dude, take it easy on him. And a 28 isn't that good of a score. And, most importantly, he's said he's had jobs, but he can't keep them. Moreover, he says he's happy living this way and just needs help getting chicks.

A lot of people think getting chicks requires money. They're wrong. Getting HOT chicks requires money. What you need to focus on right now is getting anything warm and pink. And you CAN do that, you just need to learn to play your cards right.

There are a ton of things you can do here, but I think we should attack the low hanging fruit FIRST --and if that doesn't work, I'll be here to provide more guidance. It's important that you channel your resilience and do not give up hope.

So anyways, being generous, I'm going to give you TWO options here.



1. Instrument; or
2. Dog.


Instrument is preferable to a dog for obvious reasons. If the reasons aren't clear, it's because dogs are hard to take care of and you can hardly take care of yourself. Instruments too need to be taken care of, but not to the same degree as dogs.

Now, before you say, "I don't know how to play an instrument", let me tell you, you have a ton of time to learn how to play one, and you don't even need to learn to play that well to get warm chicks. If you just learn 4 or 5 songs, you'll be good. One GREAT trick is doing acoustic (well, obviously since you live in a van!) covers of originally faster/heavier music, like rap! Think, Can't Hang performing "The Remix to Ignition." If you can learn to play popular music on your guitar, outside your van in Austin, I have no doubt you'll be able to get the attention of a warm chick. And once you have her attention, you just need to tell her that you love having her around and you'll keep playing. BONUS points can come if you ASK her (never TELL) to take a turn playing. After her song is over, take her to get Machiatos or whatever hipsters drink for caffeine, and tell her about your life as a recluse. With this method you, you should be able to meet about 4 warm girls a week (if you permform outside everyday), of which 25%+ will become interested enough to enter your stabbin' van. And then game on.

Or, get a cute dog.

PS: I know you don't do drugs, but if you find that you're having trouble getting women into your stabbin' van, you might consider the "this Machiato was great, really makes me want to smoke a spliff; care to join?" technique.

Do what any creepy guy in a white van would do, use chloroform ROFL.

Nothing changes... Bring the girls to the van like jeffy rsd does... Actually it helps with logistics.

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