Behavior is all about context. If you desire a behavior, create the proper context in which that behavior can be safely expressed.

For example, let's say you want to tie up your lady friend and bang her in the ass. Some women are very open to this and are cool with it from the get-go. But other times, you will come across a girl who deeply, badly desires to behave in this way, but has some hang-ups about it...or more likely, has simply never been given permission to act in this way without judgment. She wants to be your naughty little slut, your dirty whore (behind closed doors). So if a girl desires to do this, how do we make it OK for her to do so?

By creating a context in which that behavior is appropriate. So in this example, what is an appropriate context?

The answer is, "you set up a roleplay in which she must follow your every command and be completely obedient and submissive to you." You give her the option of saying "Yes sir," or acting out your commands, or both. She is not to speak of her own accord. In this context, the frame is "I say, you do. I ask a question, you say 'yes sir.'"

Then, once the appropriate context is set, you give the commands and act in a way that is congruent with that context. You tell her to lie down. She says yes sir and complies. You strap her down or tie her up, giving rich descriptions and reinforcing that she's been a naughty little slut and needs to be punished for it. You ask her if she wants to be punished like the naughty little slut she is...she says "yes sir." Then you take her however you want, and continue to play with those ideas to reinforce the frame: you are my slut, you must do as I say.

Beforehand, ask what her "hard limits" are (the things she is absolutely not OK with...for most women this is stuff like needles, blades, drawing blood, fecal play). And choose a safeword, which you explain to her she MUST say if something is too painful or she wants to end the scene. That is HER CHOICE, and if she says the safeword, you stop IMMEDIATELY and comfort her. You remind her that any words she says that are NOT the safeword, will not stop you.

Once she feels comfortable knowing that she can trust you to end the scene if need be--at HER volition--and can feel safe that the scene has a beginning and an end, after which you return to your regular personalities--you have created a context in which it is OK for her to act out fantasies that she's (probably) never trusted anyone enough to actually follow through with. It "doesn't count," it is fantasy, you are both becoming other people for the duration of the scene so it's OK. And she cannot be judged for it, since it "isn't really her" doing that stuff.

In conclusion: if you desire a behavior, again...create the context in which that behavior is a safe thing to do.

I'm sure, if you...really think about it...you'll be able to notice many places in the pick-up game in which creating the proper context can lead to the behavior you want to elicit.

CTM

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