The purpose of an approach is to take a person to a certain place mentally, to bring them a certain mindset where they think of you as attractive. In doing this, even if you don’t have much skill, you want to be quick and resolved.

1.) Quick, meaning you want to get to the point as soon as possible; get your words out before you miss your chance.

2.)Resolve, as in you say your words as if you don’t care if people like them or not; committing to your statements like this will make them more believable. If you sound like you doubt yourself or you are ashamed of yourself that feeling will rub off on your audience and they will doubt you.

3.) Remember, don’t drift. Never drift. You are trying to steer. Steer the conversation in a direction, to a mindset, to a manner of thinking where you are attractive. To do this you need to know what you intend to say. ...maybe not word for word, but your direction needs to be known

do you have any examples? this seems like good shit but can you put it into context for us

The problem is in "as if". You have to really not care. Remember, there are no limits! If this stuff doesn't flow forth from your character, it will never come. It has to be part of your personality to go straight for what you want and face hundreds even if you have to go against social rejection. Do you have what it takes to do that? If you are the only person holding a view, imagine a hundred having the complete opposite. Would you be willing to go on the stage and debate them all down, one by one? Are you that convinced of your cause and your power? If not, you will always be faker, a flake, no matter how many self help books you read. This stuff has to flow forth from inner power. Even "authenticity" is a word that's used by people who mould themselves to images of "success" portreyed by others.

For instance, a girl once asked me: "Do you ever get sick of this city, and want to move back home?" And I looked her straight in the face and said: "Well . . . In fact, I was tired with it. Life is so hurried around here, people lack punctuality. They are restless and change their appointments at the last moment. I'm not like that - I am a reliable person, I keep my word and expect the same from others. So, one time I felt sick of it and was about to go home. I walked into a disco, and there, I found my reason to stay with a single glance: In the one thing I saw I found meaning, purpose, and the end to all things."
"What is it that you saw then?" she asked me.
"Your eyes." I said.
She giggled, "How can you just say this without feeling any shame or embarrasment?"
"That's how awesome it is to be who I am."
Later that evening she kissed me and we're still seeing each other. I got to that disco, saw all of the girls, then went straight at the most beautiful one. I danced with her, asked her out. When I saw her eyes I knew it instantly that she was the one I wanted.

I am enough.

That is all that should be in your head before the approach. And you better f*cking believe you are, otherwise it's pointless.

You need to be quick, because if you move to slowly you will miss your opportunity. (i.e.... she'll change the subject, her friends will interrupt you,)

You need to be resolved because it conveys confidence, pride, etc...Its all in the delivery. You don't have to be confident to appear confident. People don't judge you on how you feel, but what you do. Sometimes all you need is a good poker face.

Im' sorry but unless you are good at improvisation you need a plan. When I said steer...I meant frame control. You need to steer the frame to a certain direction where the girl thinks of you in a certain way.

Why? If the girl changes the subject let her. It is good if she changes the subject. This will open up another topic that you get to hear her speak on. Ask questions and show interest and she will talk.

Then, say: "Hmm, but then, my attention was captivated by something else you said earlier . . ." and you can switch back to topic. "I'm still thinking about this thing you said before . . ." . . . "I was just wondering, when you said that . . ." I always do that and it always works, she will notice that I actually paid attention to what she was saying. And then, once she answers, jump back to the topic SHE brought up.

Why? If the girl changes the subject let her. It is good if she changes the subject. This will open up another topic that you get to hear her speak on. Ask questions and show interest and she will talk.

Then, say: "Hmm, but then, my attention was captivated by something else you said earlier . . ." and you can switch back to topic. "I'm still thinking about this thing you said before . . ." . . . "I was just wondering, when you said that . . ." I always do that and it always works, she will notice that I actually paid attention to what she was saying. And then, once she answers, jump back to the topic SHE brought up.

double post - plz delete

Why?

1.) Because the conversation is supposed to achieve a purpose. You're not just talking to talk.

2.) The longer you take to get to the point the more likely you will meet resistance or miss your chance.


If you ask questions and show interst and she does not want to talk to you, you are wasting your time. THe conversation is supposed to make her want to talk to you. That's why you steer.

I am a fan of an identity statement. For me, it conveys value, safety, and it is interesting. It usually is one of the first couple things out of my mouth.

There is an urgency behind this. When talking to a girl. I always have in my mind that the door could be slammed in my face at any moment.

I agree with IWantEasyLove when he says that you shouldn´t drift. But you are right, it´s good to let her change the subject, AS LONG as you don´t lose control of the conversation and become a follower instead of a leader. The way you are describing it, you are actively bringing her subject into a conversation you are still in control of (you are asking HER about the subject, and might as well talk about anything else), and that´s definetly a good way to keep things flowing and keep building rapport, all while still controlling the frame.

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Love this kind of info. Resolves has to be the most important, as it would have influence on your pacing and your abilty to steer the direction of the interaction.

When you have conviction in what you say and never doubt yourself, it creates a certain self-confidence in the moment.

That people wonder about stuff like "how can I control the conversation?" is really dazzling to me. I just talk and talk and whenever I think something is interesting that she says I ask more about it. And if she bores me I just bring up other stuff, and then eventually suggest a follow up if she interests me sufficiently. Just talk about crap that you want to talk about, and still give her enough space to bring up spontaneous stuff. Because this spontaneous stuff is what makes it valuable to talk to you.

This is one of the core subjects in the book How To Make Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie. More businesslike book, but still focuses on the art of speaking to achieve your goals.

As noted earlier, a PUA must be able to mold his surrounding to achieve his goal. Of course while I agree with the do not steer concept, it is very possible not to steer while at the same time letting her lead the conversation. You can let them think they're the head of the conversation, you just have to be the neck and direct it in the way you want to.

Of course, it has to be noted that an approach uses the advantage of meeting a girl by surprise or "by chance". Most approaches have a center topic that revolves around something both of you have in common. Even if she does drift, your center topic is still there and that can't change forcing the drift not to be far off unless you're straight up crashing and burning. In which case you probably lacked game.

hey man,

one way you could practise to try to mitigate this problem is multi threading, most people are not all that creative and if you are leading a conversation and keep adding topics, they will tend to linger on the topics that are part of the conversation

one interesting way to avoid a girl leading into her own frame from a conversation is instead of opening one thread, and trying to avoid her from cutting the thread if she doesn't like it, open and cut a whole bunch of threads in rapid succession (for example, start talking about one thing that interests you, and as soon as she reacts, relate that thread to something completely unrelated or just bluntly cut the thread and open a new one)

after a few threads are open, if the person is reacting rather then trying to put effort into leading, they will most likely just revert back to previous threads and you can maintain control of the frame and keep things productive

if she is trying to lead, just cut threads that you don't want to venture into, an easy segway is, wow that's just like... (something completely unrealted, then lead her further into it with a question that gets her to invest in the new thread)

you raise and excellent points with your first 3 ideas,

another thing to consider is how does she benefit from your ''point'', the more value in it for her, the more likely she will want to invest in this end with you

and screening girls before entering into a conversation to see if it is worth you putting all this thought and effort in to begin with (approach invites, as well as how she initially reacts to begin with at the start of the interaction, body language wise as well as getting to the ''point'' of having qualifications she should meet in order for you to put your time and effort into bringing value to an interaction for her)