Depression and background
I sat alone again today at lunch in college at the cafeteria. it has been like this for now 3 years now of college. The same thing happened the entirety of high school. It's sad but I hate spending 30 minutes to lug my food somewhere private just so no one sees me alone. But as everyone chatters away around me it just makes me more sad and notice it more. It's not like I havent tried many things to fix this. Read my other posts if you need proof (tried clubs, approaches, etc.) It's mainly down to this: Most people I talk to, the conversation dies quickly. And I dont think this is weird. I just dont have a lot in common with a bunch of people. A good part of the school is nerdy just like me and I see them end conversations quickly too. But yes if I were to talk to a group of hot girls or white jock guys or anybody else, it would mostly be the same thing. Only a select few can I really talk hours with. So here I am alone. Groups of white girls and jock white girls chattering nonstop around me and here I am scrawny asian guy with glasses. I try to push my mind to not think about it but nothing of interest comes to mind. My mind is blank except for my awareness of my loneliness. Continue for about 20 minutes of eating. Repeat for several years. It is not like I have not tried stuff, I repeat. No doubt if I jumped into this group of white girls to make friends they would first think I was 1. talking to them because they're hot no matter what I saw 2. encroaching on a group of people I had nothing in common with physically or mentally and this seems to have been proved many times by their mannerisms and how quickly the conversation ends and we are all quiet.
For my success today.
Ive spent over a year to 2 years , sometimes a couple hours a day, trying to cold approach, mainly on campus. It ends badly most of the time. I usually chicken out. Here are some reasons I use:
-there are so many people around that will watch
-if they see me rumors will spread? (despite it being a big state school)
-they will be jealous or think Im very selfish for being so blunt and direct when they overhear my approach
-the girl will definitely reject me. I feel like a 2/10 at times. she will react like 'how dare you even bother'
My total is about 5-10 approaches. Most completely indirect and leaving before any type of close. The rest were direct followed by a No either formally or with an excuse like 'boyfriend' which I think was true.

Heres where the best part of my story comes:
I tell myself: NOT ANYMORE. YOUVE WASTED SO MANY YEARS OF YOUR LIFE. MAYBE WE SET OUR GOALS TOO HIGH. I WANT YOU TO STRAIGHT UP APPROACH ONE GIRL. JUST ONE. AND ITLL BE A SUCCESS FOR TODAY. PLEASE. ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS TALK TO HER. YOU DONT HAVE TO HIT ON HER. NOTHING. JUST TALK TO HER AND BE HER FRIEND. PLEASE. YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS.
I moped around for another hour. chickening out.
I finally did it with a random girl sitting and reading. It went fairly well. But the convo ended kind of quick. I decided to leave to avoid awkwardness. I felt like I would be a sleeze if i asked for a number or anything because I started with telling her I just wanted to make a friend.
I felt great but bad I didnt ask for a number. Im not a sleazy guy and I dont just want to hook up. I am a virgin but Im really looking for just a hot girl to hang out with really.
BOOM.
I do it again with probably an HB9.99999
I didnt notice her hotness from the back that much. I pretended I knew her from somewhere. The conversation and her reaction and transition went surprisingly extremely well. Unfortunately, a few things happened:
-I recognized her as a girl I had indirectly approached at a store a few years ago. She didnt recognize me because I was super indirect the whole time 'what price is this shirt?'
-I remember her and she is like an HB 7-8 without makeup or clothing. But today she had it all put together so she was a HB9.9999 today in appearance but I still hate fake beauty and prefer natural beauty
-The convo eventually died and she started feeling weird, annoyed, and bored. She looked like she was thinking 'he's only talking to me because Im hot' I quickly picked it up after I saw her expression and made it seem like I was really interested in just talking to her and stuff. Later I felt fake and empty for continuing the convo like this to her. How to fix?
-I said goodbye and said I had to go and didnt ask for her number because I dont like fake beauty that much and it wouldve confirmed her suspicions and she might've denied me and remember this is a social environment. It might come back to bite me. Plus the sporadic silences told me we find eachother boring or some sh1t

Afterwards:
I feel fake for being an entertainer to keep the conversation from dying. I still feel sad and I cant figure out if its from lack of hot girls or real friends or a mix of both. My other hobbies and interests and goals have become second priority to this depression no matter how I try to convince myself. I feel like I missed out because the girls I talked to were not that great and I missed out on a lot of probably better ones. Im still trying to find a good way to open without lying. Slightly proud of myself and happy

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Just trying to meet a 10.

Quit thinking the shit out of everything.

You can be friends with people and not be talking the whole time--sometimes you know you have a good connection with somebody when you can both just be quite around each other.

If you worry what other people think you will never take a step in life, financially or socially.

Sounds like you have a serious problem with confidence, very very very serious problem with confidence, all you have on your mind is I can't when it comes to socialization, of course you can't if you've decided that already. I admit I am lucky when it comes to social skills but at the same time your lack of confidence deflates every conversation.

You almost start conversations with the stand point of putting them above you, this isn't the way to start a conversation. You are a shy guy suffer from a severe social anxiety it sounds like. Rather that focusing on going up to girls and starting a conversation. Walk up and just say Hi how are you? after that let the conversation die. Just get use to starting up conversations, don't necessarily worry about carrying the conversation now. Your discomfort with conversation is a big problem. People tend to reflect your energy so if you walk up uneasy you make them uneasy. This is why a confident person can walk up to a girl and talk to her easily because he is comfortable and she reflects that energy of comfort.

Find a solid confidence book and follow it closely or Confidence coach, you need to find some self-love, self-belief, self-certainty, and comfort with in your own skin. Your lack of confidence controls your thoughts and thus your thoughts aren't part of a conversation, a conversation without your mental participation will always die quickly.

Then take baby steps of just starting a regular how you doing conversation.

After you get to this point learn more about carrying the conversation.

Then work more on other parts of your game, right now you just need to get comfortable with participation in an interaction.

Great places to practice on employees who have to interact a little include: Grocery Store, Clothing store, restaurant, etc.

Just practice getting comfortable talking to strangers and get comfortable being you (confidence) and go from there. If you'd like some help with confidence I can give you a hand (developing a confidence email boot camp) but I suggest starting now on fixing your body language because if you don't stand confident you will never ever feel confident.

Peace and Love

Vic

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Just another guy from back in the day.

Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com

I will try my best. Im trying to keep reminding myself there are plenty of girls out there so dont worry too much about one incident

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Just trying to meet a 10.

I have a problem with my conversations being cut short as well man. Don't focus on whether they are hot or not, talk to anyone. Just try to expand your social circle. If you make friends, then y'all will have interests to share and you'll stop thinking about this depression bullshit. Seriously man! And you seem to be doing well, like just point out small stuff to all people and it will go from small talk to big talk and when the conversation dies, repeat - small talk to big talk. That's what has helped me!

Best of luck to you!