| I think this is the most important topic that concerns PUAs. You can only run through so much game, so many routines, stories, gambits before you have to make small talk. This is where most falter. There have been so many threads from people talking about how they suck at conversation, but nothing definitive to help them. Im not saying this is be all end all, just a start. So I wanted to start this thread and give you an idea what steps a person should take to be a great conversationalist.
Who or what is a great conversationalist? You can go out to any club or bar at night and find him. He is a man who shines in conversation. He can be seen moving from group to group, effortlessly chatting up men and women alike. He is the charmer of many, and the envy of all. When he speaks, everyone listens. It seems he has an infinite number of things to talk about. He can speak for hours, and what a treat it is to be there for even a minute in his presence. Girls become gitty when he whispers in their ears, men nod their heads in approval. Time passes in the blink of an eye with him. Who is he? Just another guy... his exception is his ability to socialize.
Before I get into actual conversation, let me just touch on a few important topics. Body language is important, is with any other interaction. You always want to make sure you either match or slightly increase your energy level to theirs. Confidence can turn ground beef into filet mignon. My point, BE CONFIDENT. Have correct pauses, don't speak too fast. Be emotional about the statements you make and stories you tell. I really want to get into the heart of this so if you have any questions about what I just wrote, ask and I will be happy to elaborate.
There are many nuances to conversation, but the ability to take what is given to you, and regurgitate it back out is the most important. No, im not talking about mirroring, eliciting values, trance words, or any other PUA word you've ever heard. The ability to do this will allow you to guide any conversation into your control and steer away from bad topics.
This all starts with situational awareness, or relevance. If you say something that is not relevant, you may get a 'huh', 'what', or 'that was random'. This is enough to throw anyone off. Situational relevance is not a characteristic, it is perception.If it feels relevant, then it probably is.
Now the easiest way to have an infinite amount of things to talk about is just picking out words with meaning out of one sentence, and using it in another unrelated sentence. For example:
"Last night we had snow, so I figured I would stay in. But then my friends called, and we went out, drank some hot chocolate, and played darts."
The words with meaning in this sentence are: Last night, snow, staying in, friends, going out, hot chocolate, and darts. If you deviate from this conversation using one of these words with the meaning unchanged, bam you have something to talk about.
"Last night we had snow, so I figured I would stay in. But then my friends called, and we went out, drank some hot chocolate, and played darts."
-> Yeah, I remember this snow storm we had when I was a kid. Well it wasn't really a snow storm, but my mom saw how bad I wanted the snow. So she sprinkled powdered sugar all over the yard.
"Last night we had snow, so I figured I would stay in. But then my friends called, and we went out, drank some hot chocolate, and played darts."
->I love hot chocolate. But my favorite has to be spraying binaca into it when it is freshly made, its like a fresh kiss with every sip.
Those are just a few examples. But you can't just ignore what they said and start your own topic. you need to acknowledge what they said. You can do this with transition phrases like 'Yeah, I...', 'That reminds me..', or 'Oh really,'. In addition to using meaningful words, you can also employ overarching themes. An overarching theme is something that isn't directly said, but rather implied by the conversation.
"Last night we had snow, so I figured I would stay in. But then my friends called, and we went out, drank some hot chocolate, and played darts."
Some overarching themes are: Climate, weather, lifestyle, outdoors, staying warm, hot drink, and hanging out with the guys. You can use these themes using the same transition phrases to create a new sentence.
"Last night we had snow, so I figured I would stay in. But then my friends called, and we went out, drank some hot chocolate, sweets, and played darts."
->Yeah, the weather here is crazy. Thats why I loved Arizona so much. It is at least always above 50º where I was.
"Last night we had snow, so I figured I would stay in. But then my friends called, and we went out, drank some hot chocolate, and played darts."
-> That reminds me of my trip to amsterdam. They have the best chocolate in the world. I went to this bar... chocolate, nothing but chocolate. It was like that simpson episode when homer went to the land of chocolate.
If the conversation ever get too boring, serious, sad for your taste, change it using these skills i've just instilled in you. If anyone has any questions, comments, or additions to this... write away.
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'Elaine that was the yam yam'
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CHAT
