Human nature is very complex. Men have learned to be strong, competitive and courageous in times of danger. History has shown that we are able to conquer our fears and reach our goals -- as long as our will, conviction and desire are present.

Mankind has overcome the hardships of war and natural disasters. Yet there is one natural fear that seems to overshadow most men: the fear of rejection. This instinctive emotion paralyzes and hinders us from doing the things we really want to do, including meeting women. Some men are so afraid of rejection that they would rather run through a minefield than walk up to a woman and ask her out on a date.

The need to feel desirable and part of a group is inevitable, and some people will place themselves in extreme circumstances just to preserve that feeling of belonging. A good example is when teenagers take their first haul of a cigarette due to peer pressure and fear of rejection. But there is a very simple way to overcome this crippling emotion: Develop a greater fear of regret.

My father hit the nail on the head when he told me that I wouldn't regret the times that I made a complete fool of myself, but rather the times that I didn't try something out of fear. I learned that valuable lesson way back in my early 20s. I had a crazy crush on this sweet girl, but I was too concerned with rejection to ask her out.

A few years later, I bumped into her at a friend's party and found out that she also used to have a thing for me. I finally let her know that I'd had a crush on her, to which she replied, "Why didn't you do or say anything?" Wouldn't you know it -- a question I ask myself constantly. Of course, it was too late because she had already gotten married. I hope my misfortune will encourage more men to spring into action and let go of this ridiculous inhibition.

you're not her type

Most men fear rejection because it lowers their self-esteem. But there is really no reason to lose any confidence when women say "no" because they aren't really rejecting you. How could they be rejecting you when they don't even know what you're all about? It's not like they studied your personality and qualities before deciding to refuse you. Maybe they declined your offer because:

-They're dating someone or married.
-They're having a bad day.
-They like you, but have their protective shield up.
-They don't feel like talking to anyone -- even Brad Pitt.

The important thing to remember is that no one in this world can appeal to everyone's tastes. Each woman has her preferences, so if she rejects you, it just means that you don't fit the description of what she desires. You should approach as many women as possible in order to increase your chances of finding one that is looking for a guy like you.

true rejection

If you think that women who reject your drink offers or date requests are frightening, you don't know what true rejection is about. Once a man sees what true rejection is, he realizes how childish it is to fear approaching unfamiliar women.

True rejection occurs when a woman rejects a man with whom she has spent a considerable amount of time. It is the ultimate rejection because the man is dismissed due to his all-around identity.

One of my good friends had his heart ripped out by his fiancée, who left him after six years of what he thought was a wonderful relationship -- now that's rejection. In fact, you would think that his self-esteem took a beating and that he has a hard time approaching women, but he talks to new women all the time. I asked him how he does it and he explained that once you get the ultimate rejection, everything else is like a walk in the park.

I always had a "fear of rejection" until I decided to overcome it, especially after I witnessed what true rejection is all about. All you have to do is start up a conversation and the rest will fall into place. I don't mean corny pickup lines; I mean an honest conversation. Here are some suggestions.

Once you notice the "buying signals" (eye contact, touching hair, and so on), walk directly up to her and introduce yourself. You can start by asking if you can join her for a drink. If she says yes, ask her name. If she's interested, she'll ask the same. If she doesn't ask, it's not the end of the world; just keep the lines of communication open.

Keep the conversation interesting; focus on her and really listen to what she says. Then, follow up with another question that links with what she just finished saying. For example:

You: "Do you have a job?"

Her: "Yes and I'm also studying."

You: "Wow, you're a busy woman!"

Her: "Yes, there are days when I feel like I'm just going to collapse."

You: "I bet you're looking forward to a vacation?"

Her: "Oh yes, I just can't wait to get away for a while."

You: "And what would your ideal vacation spot be?"

This is just one example of many possible conversations. The idea is to listen to her and follow up with a correlating question. When this method is properly applied, it will keep the conversation interesting.

close the deal

Most men make the mistake of carrying on a conversation without closing the deal; that is, they don't ask for the woman's phone number. Here are a couple of ways to broach the "phone number" subject.

"I had a great time talking with you and I'd like to see you again. Why don't you give me your number so that we can do this again?"

"You're really easy to talk to, can I have your number so that we can talk again sometime?"

fear not

The next time you get the big "No thanks," just remember that it's not the end of the world). Women who refuse you are just strangers who have no idea what a nice guy you are. So straighten up those shoulders and move on to the next woman that catches your eye.

1. Ignore anything which cannot help you get the girl. This is the heart of being non-reactive, dealing with social pressure, whatever you wanna call it. You have to learn to ignore things, be they congruence tests or guys entering your sets. If it doesn't help you, it's useless and not worth giving attention to.

2. Always be cooler than the girl. Even if it's just .001% you always have to act as if you think she's not as cool as you. This can take the form of teasing, commanding, or simply not explaining yourself. Girls are just not evolutionarily programmed to be attracted to guys of equal or lesser status. It sucks but it's the way the world works.

3. ABC. Or always be closing as my buddy Entropy would say. As a man you must take all responsibility for escalation. From physically escalating to maintaining plausible deniability with her friends. Everything is up to you. Men are sexually aggressive, women are sexually receptive.

4. Saying something is better than saying nothing. When you see a girl you want to approach it is WAY easier to go in and mess it up than to sit around debating the different ways you could do it. Give yourself permission to fail. Because even trying puts you ahead of 99% of guys.

5. Thinking in field is the enemy. I always say " less thinking, more making moves." Which besides being a line I stole from a Dave Chapelle stand up special, applies to pick up perfectly. Thinking is the worst thing you can be doing when you're out. Actually maybe it's the second worst after talking about game. Instead let go of the outcome, recognize that you are on the plateau as George Leonard calls it in Mastery and put in the work. Do approaches, get blown out, learn. That's the only point of going out to game. Not to oggle and complain about how all the sets are too hard.

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