hello everybody,
In my college thread,
j-slays-college-thread-vt119121.html?highlight= i have detailed what i believe are the 5 most overall important aspects of game. Aspects that will make you a more well-rounded person besides from specifically being good at night or day game.
Here they are:
- inner game
inner-game-vt120557.html?highlight=
- mid game / conversational skills
mid-game-and-conversational-skills-vt12 ... highlight=
- body language / clothing
- social proof / reputation
- escalating / being sexual
This is the third installment.
I hope you enjoy reading them.
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I have researched and collected many pointers about body language in my pua journey. Both about my own body language and how to read others' body language.
IMPROVEMENT
Improving your body language can make a big difference in your people skills, attractiveness and general mood.
There is no specific advice on how to use your body language. What you do might be interpreted in several ways, depending on the setting and who you are talking to. You’ll probably want to use your body language differently when talking to your boss compared to when you talk to a girl/guy you’re interested in. These are some common interpretations of body language and often more effective ways to communicate with your body.
First, to change your body language you must be aware of your body language. Notice how you sit, how you stand, how you use you hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone.
You might want to practice in front of a mirror. Yeah, it might seem silly but no one is watching you. This will give you good feedback on how you look to other people and give you an opportunity to practice a bit before going out into the world.
Another tip is to close your eyes and visualize how you would stand and sit to feel confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it out.
You might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you think has good body language. Observe what they do and you don’t. Take bits and pieces you like from different people. Try using what you can learn from them.
Some of these tips might seem like you are faking something. But fake it til you make it is a useful way to learn something new. And remember, feelings work backwards too. If you smile a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your movements you’ll feel calmer. Your feelings will actually reinforce your new behaviors and feelings of weirdness will dissipate.
In the beginning easy it’s to exaggerate your body language. You might sit with your legs almost ridiculously far apart or sit up straight in a tense pose all the time. That’s ok. And people aren’t looking as much as you think, they are worrying about their own problems. Just play around a bit, practice and monitor yourself to find a comfortable balance.
1. Don’t cross your arms or legs – You have probably heard you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.
2. Have good eye contact, but don’t stare – If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. But keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you’ll get used to it. When you are talking with a girl one on one, (the majority of the time) Don’t break eye contact with her, Let her look away first.
3. Don’t be afraid to take up some space – Occupy a bigger space whether standing or sitting. Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.
4. Shoulders – When standing, keep your chest out and shoulders back. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them slightly back.
5. Nod when they are talking – nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.
6. Don’t slouch, sit up straight – but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner. Have the right posture. Don’t slouch but don’t be too stiffly erect either.
7. Lean, but not too much – If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you’re confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But don’t lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.
8. Smile and laugh – lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don’t be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere. Learn how to smile the right way. You should not look like you’re too happy or excited because that will make you look stupid. A grin partnered with a slight nod of the head should do.
9. Don’t touch your face – it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.
10. Keep you head up – Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.
11. Slow down a bit – this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don’t snap you’re neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead. Also talk slowly, it is seductive and shows confidence.
12. Don’t fidget and try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across. Don’t move or bounce too much because they can indicate you are unsure of what you’re doing. Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.
13. Use your hands more confidently instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But don’t use them to much or it might become distracting. And don’t let your hands flail around, use them with some control. Rest your hands on your thigh when sitting or hook your thumbs in your pockets when standing. Don’t restrain your arms when walking; let them sway freely. Use your hands confidently to escalate and kino, dont be afraid to be forceful.
14. Lower your drink. Don’t hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.
15. Realise where you spine ends – many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.
16. Don’t stand too close –one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don’t invade it. However, When you are sarging women, then the space can be entered and used to seduce a hot babe.
17. Mirror – Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If she leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue.
18. Keep a good attitude – last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference. Relax.
You can change your body language but as all new habits it takes a while. Especially things like keeping you head up might take time to correct if you have spent thousands of days looking at your feet. And if you try and change to many things at once it might become confusing and feel overwhelming.
Take a couple of these body language bits to work on every day for three to four weeks. By then they should have developed into new habits and something you’ll do without even thinking about it. If not, keep on trying until it sticks. Then take another couple of things you’d like to change and work on them.
(This article was mostly written by Henrik Edberg on the positivity blog and edited by me for the pua community.)
Did you notice how i did not mention anything about being alpha? Alpha is a person who has good body language. All these tips, an alpha has already mastered. Dont be constrained to certain terminology, just go out and practice these tips to improve your body language for your overall well-being, not just for picking up women.
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HOW TO IDENTIFY BODY LANGUAGE
Many PUAs do not recognize when a girl is attracted to them and often fail. Reading a womens body language is like learning a new language. Once you learn the signals from her body, your game bumps up another notch.
In any location, there are a few things that are important to look for. I have identified the 6 easiest body language ques that are generally the things that when drunk and obviously sober, are easy to figure out.
What is she doing with this aspect? Is it positive or negative?
Eyes = eye contact/looking away/(puppy eyes)
Head position = facing you/looking away
Body position = where she situated, how is she positioned, towards you? away from you?
Preening = fixing the hair/any adjustment of her appearance
Distance between your faces, leaning
Mirroring = chapstick/arm motions/excitement level/etc
I bet you can figure out what is positive and what is not.
Quote:
She makes eye contact.
She will look away; she will show a submissive sign.
She will preen.
She will again look back again and return eye contact generally within 2 minutes.
If he doesn’t notice, which most men don’t, she will repeat this action maybe with a different preen. But she will always return for another look and try to get eye contact.
The point being if they make solid eye contact then look down, the chances are it was directed at you. If she looks over again you are solid, go game her.
Notice the preen! it is subconscious and routinely happens throughout conversations.
poeticlyskuac has a long thread about body language. I highly recommend reading it in full.
body-language-the-key-to-natural-game-vt71495.html
look for the signals, they are unconscious and deliberate IOIs. Once you learn how to read the body language, you will reap the benefits.
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CLOTHING
Every school, city and area has stereotypes.
The Jersey Shore is Guidos, GTL all day right? exactly my point. what type of people are at your school or city?
Stereotypes include: lacrosse bros, nerds, guido, preppy, frat bro, emo, hipster, jews / JAPs=Jewish American Princess, Asian metro, Athlete/jocks, and "stereotypical college student".
There are others like gansters and druggies but these guys are not realistic in in terms of gaming women at parties. otherwise these stereotypes are the ones most prevalent in America
*in no way was the list supposed to be derogatory, i am or was apart of more than half these groups at one point in time. Just wanted to present an unbiased view of modern stereotypes*
who do you admire and aspire to be? Pick your style wisely.
if the girls seem to be attracted to one particular style, why not give that style a shot?
If you already have a style, and really enjoy rocking out in your clothing, try to make yourself look real fresh / dress well within your style of choice. Dressing well impresses girls no matter what your social standing is, combined with solid game, it can not only raise your reputation but also get you laid
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Sorry for such a long post, hope you enjoyed it.
"A great idea will always just be a great idea unless you actually do it."
J Slay
CHAT
