some emotional ranting...you don't need to read it because it's a mess .. just posted it here for some private message guys to read.

Lately i have been invlolved with some woman .. one in particular... i already have wrote alot of shit about it so i don't feel the need to go in lenght..met a older chick .. she runs her own company .. high value interesting woman blablabla...hooked up fucked her she told me multiple times she doesn't want a relationship but she acts like it's one when she feels like it.

today i had a realisation... i was texting her lately because i was feeling bad and i had been talking to her alot so i felt like talking to her ( of course there is approval seeking and that kind of shit but not really one-itis or any of that ) and she replied but she was fucking distant.. only gives solutions and not really caring how someone is feeling - not really listening - you know what i mean ? same like people that say '' yeah yeah'' while looking in the other direction.

suddenly it struck me .. she isn't being a friend , she only contacts me when she wants it, she makes false promises and only gives something to me when she's having her own interest... now she isn't a cruel person because she did reply - she didn't ignore me... most guys tell her she's a bitch - maybe there is some truth to that but i don't think she's a bitch.

so i immedialty starting to see the whole relationship as non value.. not friend not sex.. suddenly thoughts struck me on how she constantly talked about her past , about her divorce and shit and how obsessive she is about sex.... i found out she is actually a person who cannot connect to people and who cannot give other people significance because she doesn't have any of her own...

i realized i attracted this person into my life.. agreed with shit blindly just for some great sex and connection which in the ned means nothing on long term... she is just a empty shallow person using other people and sex for singificance EVEN tho she is nice.. she's not bitch or anything and she doesn't insult me..

i realized i was empty myself.. i was just looking for a fuck because i am
1. lonely
2. depressed... part because the way i operate biological and part because im not really in a motivating enviroment.

somehow it felt like a great click that came from 2 sides.. but it was just us 2 trying to fill some void... OK some woman just want sex... well if you just want sex you don't obsess about it - and you don't tell fuckbuddies 4 times in a row how you got divorced and how shitty it was... it's all self deceiving only im seeing through it...she just acted all romantic and shit, but she just wanted some emotions and significance....relationships actually never gave me satisfaction at all - sex didn't gave it either - hell sometimes masturbating feels better than fucking someone.

now how realized how fucking i compromised myself for some quick fix, some bullshit from another person who cannot really care about other people in the long run . I fooled myself all the way , just like her and we reinforced that in eachother.. making me do something which i maybe enjoy but which i do not want anyway...

so i guess most humans just want significance...i was trying to get signifance from people around me when i needed it - but people never gave it to me and i kept giving and giving... me ending up being empty in the end... same with this chick - i was talking to her and i felt myself trying to chase her... but i asked myself .. what do i really want ?.. it's not like i needed the sex so bad or the attention.. i wanted someone to know the way i feel and relate to someone ion real life on that level..

that was what i was trying to do with interactions in pickup... i didn't care about woman or sex - i just tried to care about it to cover up my fucked up absence of emotions and feelings - ( probably from growing up ). I wasn't really manipulating people .. i was just trying to let them know how i feel... of course you sometimes get rejected , it has to do with instinct and body language and so forth - but most of those people just don't have any significance themselfs... people who reject you probably didn't got rejected themselfs , they don't care about how it makes you feel because they don't care how they feel.. they jsut live in a pretend world..

a few times i got rejected by woman who thanked me.. or smiled.. or just said no, but still talked to me for a while...actually those interactions felt better than picking up woman and fucking them. the whole dynamics of pickup with significant positive people is what i enjoy...

i really understand guys who feel resentment towards woman because ..
1. they never approach or get rejected like men
2. woman just take value
3. society values woman more than men nowadays... if a woman looks hot she is the shit.. if you are a guy in a bar nobody will notice you and you probably will be rejected multiple times before you meet some great people.
4. if you punch a guy you a warning... if you punch a woman you need to pay huge soms and shit... same for when woman get pregnant from you - oyu have to pay childsupport and all these ridicilious stuff just because something happened during a one-night stand

5. if a woman dumps you or you dump her...she will get a boyfriend in like a few hours while you have to sarge and approach many people .. she can just sit in a bar looking good and doing nothing...

6. same with the woman im encountering...most of them don't really care about people - they only care when you fullfill some of their self interests...like the woman i mensioned - she only takes value.. she only uses guys for sex and getting significance and not being a friend to someone when they need it...and at the end of that day they just clear their conciousness with some dick.. meanwhile i feel betrayed as a friend and that kind of shit and need to work on my inner issues..

7. woman can just get quick fixes from this feminized society to put bandages on their gaping wounds...

so woman do not care ? ... i don't know but every woman i've seen WHO DID care just were attracted to me and again had self-interests.. the only woman who really cared were teachers on school .. but you are not going to date those lol... i never ran into a date-able woman who really cared who who had their shit together..

I don't know but most men just want a significant relationship and deep connection.. i think this is impossible to give or to get from another person.. you can only share singnificance but not many people have the same level of development... people who are very developed just experienced alot in a intelligent way but along they way they are also deluding themselfs alot. Same with this woman i've met.. i fucking thought '' ah finally a developed being who can be trusted '' .. but i was wrong from the getgo.

when i had my beginners mind i just deluded myself a few times ... when i got the advanced mind i just deluded myself in a bigger way... because we are all human and there is no such thing as '' no meaning '' or no '' negative internal feedback'' .. i mean cmon we are all human.

im just fucking tired of all this bullshit.. im fucking shit of doing inner game to become a better person in order to get better things... actually the fucknig better i become the more WORSE things i seem to attract.. i attract hotter woman and older woman but they just seem more fucked up lol...

im just sick of all these PUA and all these guys with marriages giving advice about meeting the perfect woman '' or the healthy woman who is right for you '' .. every interaction is a bargain and you always have to give up something of you in order to obtain or maintain something external... Alot of PUA give inner game advice so you can meet the '' healthier woman'' .. it's fucking bull because

1. most of these guys or experts do not have a relationship and meanwhile they claim alot of shit.
2. if you change that much and if you do that much inner game people will not like you.. because you keep changing .. what i have noticed is that people do not like seeing you change .. they want you to change to fullfill their self-interests other than that they don't give a fuck ( except me lol .. i give a fuck about you guys )

it seems all to clear to me that people on this forum are actually not retard , anti-social , aggressive, wanting pussy , or flaming on other people....my observation is that people who come to forums like these are actually guys who can show unconditional love without wanting anything back.. you just giving free advice to help other people out... isn't that love.. ? sometimes the advice doesn't fit the answer but hey at least someone is replying or giving a fuck ! People on this forum and some other forums have give me better advice than my parents and other people in my life..

almost all people i encounter in daily life do not give a fuck..they are afraid to give a fuck , incapable to give a fuck or they just do not give a fuck because they think no one else gives a fuck... old time friend and shit .. they get married some get children and they are bussy working a fucking job.. they don't even fucking answer my phone call..

'' i got not time im bussy'' .. ok so my reply is .. so you are fucking married .. bussy you have children or whatever .. ok that's fine by me.. everyone has their own reasons.. can't you return one fucking phonecall ? can't you iniate one fucking interaction ? the people who seem to have their life together - marriage children , fantastic career JUST SEEM TO HAVE NOT THEIR LIFE TOGETHER...they cannot return one fucknig phonecall.. they first have to wait fucking 5 days or a whole week to return a text message or a phone call or a few minutes..

now im not saying i have bad people only , it's just a observation.. i have like 2 friends who do return everything no matter how bussy they are...it's funny.. the people that say i don't have my life together or they tell me how to it the way they like ... none of them of the brain capacity to return a fucking phone call in time.. people seem fucking drained like they cannot give you one piece of significance OR they are total retard with no emotional intelligence..

so with bigger mindsets come bigger lies .. that is what i have discovered .. everytime i go out and get something better IT just seems like it sucks even more.. same with jobs, woman or anything else. External shit doesn't work .. it just sucks and it doesn't make you happy long term..most people say i work the job i want or i like my job... bullshit...most of them are the same people who feel to tired to talk when they come home.. when something takes energy it's not contributing to you.. period.. syphon hosed..

You just want to own enough money without having too much stress.. you want a balanced deal.. that's the job you want because your job fucking doesn't define you or your personality... same with your GF or other woman.. you just want to own enough wihtout having too much stress..im not blaming people here... society is just really retarded and full with idiots who should be weeded out by natural selection... really.. actually idiots are not the problem because those can learn things and be smart - ideas is the problem even more.

because i asked myself .. why are most people just incapable of showing some fucking regular humanity and care to other people...i can only say because society is retarded, and you get fucked up if you play the game to full extend identifying with it.

i got told im HSP .. highly sensitive person .. meaning i am very empathic and i easily get tired from sounds, lights, long conversation .. and i feel emotions multiplied 10 times than most people... HSP people just operate in a different way - their brain has a different way of processing things .. they have a more sensitive neural network and they cannot focus much on simple things because they process things mostly on a emotional and subconcious way... people with HSP always are empathic towards other and care more because of this... Some days i cannot function and somedays i can.. most of it is shit... because if you are in todays society you are fucked in general.

anwyay people say to me .. '' yeah you got fucked over because you didn't showed boundaries and shit''... hey im just am what i am.. i just give and share because that is how i am.. that is how i operate and how i work as a biological machine... is that bad ? how many of us got their fingers burned because thye loved someone too much ? how many guys get dumped when they love their GFs too much ? just read some messages ..

so what it's wrong with showing love ? and if you show love and respect you get burned in dating , relationships and pickup ? what is this whole fucking notion about fucking people up because they have strenght to show their weak sides an give... this is how people treat love nowadays ... like a fucking flyer on the street- you hand if to them and they just throw it away.. the retarded disrespectfull behaviours people put up.. amazing.. boundaries is just not something you need .. it's something you need to have ''nowadays''... especailly with all this dicksucking and backstabbing.

funny how i keep practicing inner game and keep improving myself.. growing more concious and intuition.. it's feels kind of useless because the enviroment is not growing and developing as i am.. im not saying it's good or bad or that im better than anyone else...but i just notice more distance between my and other people because my understanding is growing...changing your enviroment doesn't fucking work you can only change yourself PERIOD.

Moral of the story ... keep everything internal.. don't focus on external shit... external shit gives you a new experience but it doesn't make you happy long term. How you assign meaning to that experience with inner game is how you get better as a person... everything else is shit...

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

it would take a very patient man to read that. i look forward to seeing who that man will be

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I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly, and all those who look down on me I'm tearin down your balcony, no if ands or buts, don't try to ask him why or how can he

I've read your post but i cant answer or give u advice,but i know how u feel ,i didnt fuck older womans and i didnt improve my inner game as much as you,but i can perfectly understand your emptiness cause i'm just like you.... depression?maybe mental illness?maybe

There's a lot of anger in your writing... Fuck this, fuck that...

It sounds like you exude anger -> perhaps this could attract similar dysfunctional women? Perhaps?

I've often sat down and thought to myself, 'Jesus Christ the world is pretty fucked' too.

What the hell is soo wrong with showing your emotions and getting blown out by women?

Why are women attracted to the opposite of this behaviour?! It's pretty backward isn't it?

Point is, there is a certain number of steps to get yourself putang. Just like you know there is a certain number of steps to make a hamburger.

You don't just say I wish this hamburger would magically appear. Or why do I have to cook it. You just accept this and enjoy the burger afterwards.

Same with putang. If you're a highly emotional person, sure society is going to fuck your shit up when it comes to dating. But you're a human capable of learning through cognitive thoughts patterns.

You already know a lot of game. Maybe, it is just a case of accepting this and seeing where you end up?

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

your reply means alot to me...

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

I must say i think Tweeeby nailed it...but also i feel you mate, i also had problems when allowed external things to effect my life more than me myself. Now i focus on my work , on my passion which is reading and understanding the meaning of life, but also i like to have fun , sarge now or then and see if i could find a soul mate.

I suggest taking a few days to calm down. Do something you have never done before...that's at least what i do when i feel empty or depressed... i strongly suggest 2 books that may help you find your peace :
1) The four agreements- Don Miguel Ruiz (i think you have 2/4 which is a really good thing...i still can't get at least 1 of 4 but i am trying to become better every day
2) The Dreamseller -Augusto Cury ...masterpiece of a book ...you will be stunned after reading first few pages...it will not give you answers to your problems but help you by asking the right questions which will help you find your way Hope i helped a little , cheers

I

thanks for the replies and im going to check those books !

That song sums it up...

fucking retarded backward attraction shit... lol

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526