| Hey guys ... this is about getting rid of attachement.. getting rid of one-itis ( it took me 2 days), and noticing and getting rid of personal issues in your inner game.
this maybe be a long read but i promise you will get something out of it...again im going to be deadly honest - feeling alot of discomfort while writing this lol. It's about acceptance, sexuality, emotions and little bit about game. I talk about myself - leading by example showing my mistakes lol.
if you have 0% knowledge about inner game and observing the ego this would be a good read for you....if you do read it - i really appreciate it !
ok here we go .. first some history...
so i've met this woman.. im straight crazy about her, i never had so much fun with a woman in years. she kind of gamed me as well and i allowed it, she gives me good emotions. there is some sexual interest and tension going on...so it's not like im a freaking needy chode who landed directly in the friendship zone.
Spoke to her on chat...so we talked and talked..i ask her if she did anything fun last saturday /sunday. ''She goes like yeah i fucked a guy... it was rather impulsive and didn't really know him...talked to him a few mins and sent 4 messages and got laid'' lol she fucked a total stranger after 4 text messages without really knowing him...
truth be told .. im highly attracted to her but all my red flags gone off.. defcon 3 lol. I've had too many relationships with nymphos and cheating whores...so i feel emotions towards her and suddenly im rejecting my emotions - because of my high standards regarding woman. Suddenly i felt terrible lol...
However it could just be a shit test.. hell she was qualifying to me.. told me she was going to show her bedroom and that kind of shit ( hair flinging .. laughing about everything ..IOI). So i played cool and told her im not judging her.. just laughed it off BECAUSE i realized these emotions were coming from me - there is something wrong here. Anyway the convo escalated alot but i had to go....I was controlled by emotions yes.. but all my experience and game knowledge saved the day ... like napoleon said - by the strike of the eye - you instantly know what to do or say even if you are off guard !
i felt drained... because it's someone i really like but she doesn't meet some of my high morals / ethic ( standards you have when it comes to woman.. preselection criteria )but i do respect her. She shows alot of respect to me.. she's carefull how she takes my time and she (almost) always initiates interactions.
about me
i have never really been attracted to a woman... i have never been in love.. i have rejected sex with very hot woman because i knew it wouldn't work out in the long run. Im kinda long term thinking and mature when it comes to relationship...maybe a bit conservative as well but that's ok - it's based on experience and intuition.
So whats up?
I really don't care what she does in her life...i don't felt like she's a slut or anything. I do not care....i do care about her ( i care deeply about people) but i can walk away anytime anywhere. So what did i expect ? what did i feel ? it did make me upset to some degree...
first thing i noticed was that i was severly attracted to her.. but all these emotions and thoughts were coming from me, i generated them. I never been attracted to a woman even tho i've been with alot of woman - these emotions were so alien. I starting out judging them, judging my thoughts, judging her.. However after a meditation session i noticed that these emotions were completely ok - i just like the woman and it's completely healthy. Those thoughts that were racing around my mind messing up my focus ( thoughts about her.. thoughts about my past).
totally lost appetite .. cannot control thoughts.. horrible..2 weeks before i was in total bliss with my life. But what i did learn here is that your brain is creating thoughts constantly because it's confused. Whenever you judge something you are not accepting it and are probably confused about it.
So what did i fear ?
That she would be harmfull to me.. which is total nonsense.. she didn't even harm or threathened me by a mile. She just said some words and i felt/feel bad. I have some personal boundaries and values - one of them is that i don't let destructive people in my personal enviroment. People who are having addiction..alot of negative personality traits - just bad destructive behaviour - totally impulsive. im attracted to someone who at first sight showed impulsive destructive sexual behaviour ( at least to me ).. i feel like i need to protect myself ( throw up a wall to block emotions).
Asking good question ?
So when do we let someone touch our values and boundaries ? when do we lower the wall ? or should i just accept someone else his behaviour, because they are free to do anything they want right ? Should you lower your ''personal wall'' to someone with behaviour outside your reality or values ?
So what i found out is that there is a need for acceptance of the animal side of humans and the human being which is expressed. i came to this conclusion by reading some post about polygamy and that kind of stuff ( thank you ryan lee)
from my journal :
'' there is a difference between a boundary ( your personal psychological shield which protects you from negative enviromental factors) and between ignoring a important aspect of existence ( your nature and animal behaviour.. like reproduction)
Naieve , impulsive and shocking sexual behaviour from other can be disturbing. but do judge them ( like slut) because i think i have these so called high morals ? or am i running away from my animal part?''
my utter disgust about her sexual behaviour was just me projecting my own flaws...You cannot change something unchangable , you have to accept it right ? i am born as a man , i cannot deny the fact that im a man. I cannot deny the fact that we are all sexual creatures - we all have a animal part in us. i clearly judged her on her nature...which means im not accepting my own.
'' Emotions to a certain person while feeling repulsed by their behaviour is just non-acceptance...I feel what im feeling but on a logic level im rejecting her behaviour, im totally in conflict because thoughts and emotions are not aligned. Do i feel attraction to this person who seem to display possible ''destructive'' impulsive behaviour ?.. Nevertheless my disgust and discomfort is a product of me defending myself ( probably the ego).
Resisting my own sexuality which is uncontrollable - still im burning energy on all these illusion made by the mind - instead of accepting them. Unconciously i was judging myself all these years.. i never really had sex i liked.. no emotional sex.. because it was about me getting approval and i rewarded the woman with good sex trying to pleasure her as much as i can. After most times i had sex i felt like something was wrong , i felt like a part of me was missing.''
These obsessive thoughts i had about her was just my mind being confused and me covering up my flaws. Did you ever judge someone while feeling really bad ? The emotions are generated by you and they are in your control - judging someone is SPAM control because you blame someone else instead of looking at your own flaws. The nympho will always disregard the conservative church girl and the church girl will always disregard the nympho... Both are missing something... The nympho is missing clear guidance and boundaries about what is destructive or not and the church girl is way too conservative not accepting her sexuality.
Basically i projected my unbalance on her ( woman i interacted with ) she was on the far left and i was on the far right of the balance. If you want a good mature personality and total acceptance you probably want to be somewhere in between.
i disregarded her as a slut ( in my mind.. didn't told her lol) it was me being confused.
It doesn't matter then ?
yes and no.. letting someone with destructive behaviour in your personal space is not the problem...The problem arrises when they are displaying destructive behaviour towards you. What most people are calling a slut, those people are just afraid of getting emotionally attached to someone with '' so called'' destructive behaviour. truth be told... most people judge sluts before they even displayed destructive behaviour to them..... Yes social conditioning to a certain degree.
So why in earth should i judge someone who doesn't harm me directly ? She didn't disturbed me...She told me something and my perspective on it disturbed me , i don't even know if she's telling the truth.
The stress im feeling is healthy at this point...a conflict between positive emotions i feel towards someone and my own ethics , morals and social conditioning ( perspective in general). Am i too attached to this woman.. maybe.. is that bad ? i think not... i think it's completely healthy, my own behaviour wasn't healthy.
So why do most people including me judge sexuality or more intense sexual behaviour ? IF you fuck someone after 4 emails or txt in like 5 minutes , is that a bad thing ?
What is the difference between fucking someone in 5 minutes or fucking someone after 6 hours ? yes you probably get to know someone well after 6 hours and you are more sure that he/she isn't a child molestor, rapist, serial killer - but that isn't the point. Time is relative... if you fuck someone after the earth spins around its axis you are OK... if you fuck someone before the earth spins around its axis you are a slut ? lol wtf is that about ? All attraction.. sexual behaviour is just a fact...we are born with dicks and cunts, fucking someone is not a subjective idea - we are programmed to fuck whatever we encounter...
if you judge that whole nature sexual idea... like i did .. you are probably not accepting your own nature....
Look i wouldn't fuck a woman after 5 minutes of meeting her just because i don't know her.. for all i know she is just trying to rip me off and steal my wallet. But that does mean i should be comfortable with idea of fucking someone in like 5 mins... the woman that told me she got laid...it shouldn't really bothered me... i shouldn't feel discomfort about fucking someone that quick.
i wasn't comfortable with the idea of fucking someone that quick which is kind of weird, time is relative - i should be. My previous experience with woman were mixed... the faster i fucked them the less emotions and acceptance i felt - sometimes i felt down or depressed while fucking a hot woman. Because the faster i fucked them - the less i gamed - the less approval i got out of it.
Do you fuck someone for approval or do you fuck someone because you really accept who you are ? that was my question to myself....How can i even be in the present moment while having this much psychological pressure ? how can i even enjoy intimacy if i resist with so much imaginary long term fear/ non-acceptance. What does this mean regarding AA and approaching woman.. what does this mean with game ? Could you do whatever you like a 100 % if you accept yourself ?
I have a ASD ....
Now imagine
I get into a relationship with this woman... she cheats or does something stupid .. who cares.. i had my fun .. i fuck*ing busted my balls on her cunt , and i learn something out of it just like im doing now. There is no reason to run from self acceptance ( nature/ sex) and intimacy.. you don't have to have a relationship to have intimacy. I would become a better.. more street wise person after each failed relationship... why would you need a relationship anyway ? to be honest i don't even know if i really want one.. im actually quitte happy even tho im having some issues.....
and issues .. who cares anyway... my brother is a arrogant bitch... that is his negative trait. Sometimes im too passive or i think too much - i can be very Hardheaded as well...you can have flaws when it comes to sex or other traits. When it's about sex society suddenly judges you ...
if you are a arrogant manager of a bank and you totally rip people off you are the shit... if you are a woman who does have some flaws regarding sex ( or boundaries with sex) they call you a slut.. everyone does have flaws. i rather accept myself and be a f*cking whore instead of someone who is in constant conflict with himself - What does make you happy ?
If that does not make someone else happy you don't have to judge someone , if someone like to get laid in 5 minutes ok that's great , im more conservative and maybe have sex after a week or 2 - does that mean i have to judge someone who does it after 5 minutes ? do i even need to project my own shit and shit on someones way of living ? Jezus there isn't even anything to fear...
Another point is that i felt insecure about my game ... this total random jackass fucked her in a few minutes even tho the don't know eachother. Our life is defined by meaning... that means you can attach your own subjective meaning to your life. Facts are facts .. you can assign some meaning But they are facts... You cannot change the fact that humans bodies are made for sex. Sex is just a normal part of human existence.. everyone fucks eachother.. one night stands happens.. woman do want sex just like men.
Emotions is something different than sex ... you can have sex with anyone.. you cannot always have good intimate emotions with anyone. To me it's more like a combination of sex and emotions - that is what defines intimacy. Look maybe i didn't fucked her in 5 minutes but i did game her - i did gave her good emotions. Sex is a way different need than emotions ( some unhealthy people mix em up tho ). I get sexual interest signals but im also getting respect....
Game isn't defined by getting laid or having 100 number closes... it's defined by interacting with emotions.. keeping emotions. vibing i call it... you ability to pump a womans emotional state and to spark attraction - the whole process runs to sex. Woman do fuck guys who they aren't even attracted to... i fucked woman without being attracted to them... it didn't mean shit... why am i even worrying about my game, just before i talked to her i attracted some woman on college.
I rather be fucked because i have a good personality, i rather be fucked by somone who really like me than someone who is just using me for sex.
i have to say .. after all this shit... getting used for sex is ok - i just like it less, it means less.
Our meaning is defined by interactions and experiences, respect, acceptance and relating... the subjective psychological trade.
I trust myself .. my game .. and do not resist fear, because i will be victorious. You fail when you stop learning...as long i make mistakes and wins you will grow and prevail !
i do not judge emotions
I need to accept my animal ( nature) and being 100 % comfortable with my sexuality.
Not judging others... if you judge you don't relate anymore
To be balanced i need to accept Both negative and positive traits... Being extreme left is just as unhealthy and incomplete as being extreme right. I should interact with extreme Left sided people since im very conservative at the moment. Accepting their behaviour and accepting my projection which i project on them will make me balanced. Would be cool if i knew biology and maths right ? instead of only one.
Win -win deals or Lose-win deals ... descisions which benefit me(win) and others(win) are made in the moment. I cannot make win-win descisions based on the past because that is beyond my control. I cannot make win-win descisions based on the future because my ego will probably project fear and doubt on my descision. Truth be told .. you don't know how a approach goes until you do it... same with making descisions.
Even if i date this woman.. maybe i get a relationship .. maybe not .. maybe we only fuck and become friends. I only should make a descision about someone elses behaviour if it's destructive in the present moment.
I really like her .. and yeah maybe i was attached to a certain outcome but i need to release that outcome but she isn't my property, and i need to be honest to myself. The emotions im getting from her ( and some other woman ) are generated by me and are there for my enjoyment.
If i think about a certain past memory with a woman i really like i feel those same emotions...
You don't know if someone is going to cheat or stab you in the back... people change...Fear should be a adviser .. not the king or queen. If i see someone waving a knife hell yeah ... i would disregard that ! but i don't expect people waving knife in clubs and bars .. it would be stupid to do so, And because you aren't right you probably will feel stressed as well.
anyway this is all a huge sticking point for me... im going to accept all people.. no matter if they are cheating whores, gay, extreme nympho or just plain crazy. Still feel al little bit bad i need to get used to these new idea and beliefs.
hopefully you got something out of it _________________ AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
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Last edited by Lodewijkp on Wed Sep 14, 2011 10:31 am, edited 1 time in total.
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