Hi, I'm Suspiria1506,

and I too am an AFC for way too long.
Time to make a change.

I am located in a big city in Holland. I have traveled, lived and worked in South /North America and Europe so I've been around.

I am 30, I got in the game more 'heavily' a month or 4 ago, but read the game the game back in 2007. Since then havent really done much about it other than trying to set up a persona, but I now need to embrace the lifestyle and deepen my knowledge and skills to pursue my goals.

I see a lot of people positively and seriously helping eachother. I wish to contribute to that.

I work in the family business, and am studying my master degree in Business.

my goals are as of now (of course will be subject of change in the longterm)the following:
1. be in tune with myself:
- be less needy
- learn to control fear and anxiety
- have concrete emotional priorities
- be independant of outcome
- have better rhythm of life and sexuality through bodylanguage
- get rid of negativity
- add positive value to my peers and surroundings/positive social relationships
- more energy
- less stress and be more stress tolerant
2. have a more attractive lifestyle:
- be social dominator
- workout regularly
- eat better
- sleep better
- behave better
- stop smoking
- controlled drinking
- travel more
3. be more organized:
- be succesful in business
- finish masters degree
- have finances sorted out


All in all, I want to be a gentleman, with joie de vivre and savoir vivre. I want to have more fun in life and release my social inhibitions. and I think this forum is a powerful tool in achieving that.

So that given, I have decided to start jounalling my journey so people can take inspiration from it as I have from the many journals I have read here.

I am going to dedicate myself to gaming, especially daygame, and keep track of it in a journal to be able to analyse my progress and so people can comment on it, all feedback is welcome.

For now, I have decided to work on my inner game for half an hour daily and go out sarging every other day. The goal of my sarging for now wiill be to become comfortable with opening strangers and tuning in to the "fun/social" vibe.

Field Report
This is what went down yesterday:

1. talked to saleslady in shoe store bubbly HB6.5, remember opening her before, applied kino lightly by touching her twice during our encounter/conversation. Her colleague soon joined in as we had an open flirty vibe and I subsequently negged them in turns and made sure I was controlling the flow of conversation. After, I ejected, I am sure they will recognise me next time.

2. bought vitamins at a reform store, talked to the lady there, cute HB7. I knew her from fb, where I randomly added her without knowing her in fl. After she cancelled our friendship, because we didnt know eachother, now I occasionaly stumbled into her. Asked advice, didnt mention fb, and had a 2 min convo. She ejected after helping me, as it was busy, and when I was done looking at other products and left she made sure to say goodbye when I passed the register. Any advice on how to open her next time? Should I mention fb and knowing her?

3. talked to hairdresser older HB7, she advised me on how to treat my hair, and after the convo I bought some hair products she recommended. She was smiling while I held eyecontact, and she told me she was Serbian after I asked her. I got the card of the place and said I want her to cut my hair sometime.

lessons learned
strong eye contact and a smile is paramount.
approach more, this felt like a basic warmup, felt like I could've done more.


Inner game Report
I start meditating today. It has tohelp me deal with stress and worrying, also acceptig the cravings for a cigarette or drink and be comfortable with them. Also, I am prioritizing my short term goals as a subset of what I have described above. This in order to start getting things done to releive any stress of things to do SPAM.

Field report Daygame 2

Yesterday, I went out again.
This time, I smoked some weed and that destroyed my game definitely, should not have done that and will not more do that any more before I go out.

1. So, I caught up today, and went to a busy marketplace where people sit down and enjoy coffee at terraces.
The odd thing is, there are so many people that that makes it hard to open.
So, when I sat down at a bar to have coffee, the lady behind the bar greated me very vividly, older HB6,5. I've never exchanged a word with her before, but she has seen me there for sure.
So any way, I sit down with people outside, have a nice chat with four people where I just joined their table to talk about what to do with an enormous lottery win. It was a nice friendly chat in which I DHVed, talking about my business and that I probably wouldnt stop working at least a little if I would win so much money. The bar lady joined us, obviously her friends, and offered everybody a drink(which I declined) and some crisps. 10 mins later I left thanking everybody for the convo.
2. At a next bar after a 15 min stroll (only saying an occasional 'hi' to an HB I saw) I had a nice interaction with the bar lady, cute HB6,5, with peircing blue eyes and dark hair. I aked her where she was from and she responded 'Germany', and had a brief convo about that. After, she walked around bussing tables as the owner was behind the bar too. She would giye me EC and a smile when she walked by. I gave a faint smile back and ejected. Should'nt I have thanked her for the drink? Would'nt that be a bit excessive? Maybe by just leaving, I make her 'want more'.
3. At yet another bar, a Spanish one, I saw this cute HB7 working behind the counter, so I entered. As I was about to engage her, a nice youngman welcomed me and asked me if I wanted to be seated inside or outside. I replyed in luent spanish that I wished to drink a coffee putside, and he would come over and serve it. Outside we started conversaton about networking and I enjoyed my coffee. When I wanted to pay with the HB we interacted in spanish too. Then he came over and #-closed me, lol, because he wanted to hang out with me for speaking spanish so good.

For now, this was it, I'm going out again tomorrow if there is no rain.

lessons learned
again, eye contact is very strong, I am good at that.
What I must do now is open more sets, and go in more direct. I let go at least 2 opportunities, so I need to get over the threshold of making excuses not to approach. Also, I am picky over my women, so I dont see as many sets I want. Also, I must formulate a game plan and strategy(ie my goals; open sets, number closes, whatever).

Inner game Report
I still have difficult with meditation, but am able to physically feel the urge to smoke, and try to deal with it and accept that it's there instead of fighting it and going crazy. My edginess tends to fade a bit for a while, and so does the urge to smoke. I need to keep on, and once I conquer this habbit, I will apply it to my daygame, in order to maintain high energy, but not be too edgy (I think the edginess here translates into needyness, or could be perceived as that.).

Field report Daygame 3

Went out today for a coffee. I was groomed well. Went to the gym and got a nice tan in the morning. I wore a light purple buttoned down shirt, with a taupe jacket over it, my jeans on and some tight lookin sneakers on my feet. I got a haircut yesterday, and of course, smiled a lot all day long.

No approaches, just a few hello's and hi's exchanged with a couple of HB's. I dont know if this is because I am too critiscising the girl too much. I do feel that there are only certain women I would approach instead of all. However, I must go through the craft to learn the art.

lessons learned
Therefore, I must set concrete goals for the sarging to make it as efficient and effective as possible.

Goals:
1. HAVE FUN! this is a fun endeavour
2. Do 5 approaches
3. Do not focus too much on the #-close yet, too ease off the pressure
4. HAVE FUN SOME MORE, and if anybody wants to join in their welcome, I will have to catch more fish with a net instead of a hook or line.

Inner game report
Meditate, meditate and meditate. I need to keep practicing, because slowly, I feel I am coming to grip with certain aspects of my life and I want to move on. Also, I am trying to be less negative by trying to not cloud my mind longer than 2 mins ata time with "problems". The difficulty lies in the fact that you have to keep doing this all the time for negative thoughts are a re-occuring event.

Field report Daygame 4

I haven’t updated for I was busy with my exams, one of which I passed by the way, so here’s the update of the last few days.
I was having contact with an HB over the internet for a while, didn’t mention it since it’s not infield, but we set up a date last week.
During the communication towards the date, we texted a lot, which was good practice for my text game. I used some C/F, witty banter and tried to appeal her emotions as much as possible. Which went great, because she was fantasizing about us taking trips around the world and in her mind already having an idea of how we would look together. This really hooked the image of me in her mind and made it easy to transition into a comfortable vibe.

The date
So, we met for coffee, she was already waiting for me at the place. As I mentioned before, I am pretty picky about women, they don’t have to be a certain type (blond or brunette, skinny or big), more important to me is her charisma. I enjoy independent women that know how to carry their femininity. I saw her pictures before we met, she really was beautiful, slender tall brunette with clear eyes, HB 8,5 to my standards. We had a pretty good vibe, I sat across her in the beginning (trying to have as comfortable BL as possible, however did notice I had difficulty not crossing my arms), asking casual questions and keeping strong eye contact. Later, I sat next to her, so she could show me pictures, and we started applying light kino (really light, slight touches) to each other. After a while, I decided to go for the k, I thought F- it, so I took hold of her shawl and pulled her towards me lightly. Our foreheads touch and noses lightly grassed. With a smile she said:”uuhhh, I don’t wanna reject you, but I don’t put out that quick.”, to xhich I responded:”cool, as long as you’re comfortable. Are you uncomfortable that I tried to kiss you?”. “No, you do have a lot of courage that you tried though”….and we continued the date for another hour or so. I kissed her goodbye (on the cheek), and all in all, it was fun and good to meet her. I do wonder if I went too quick, or too aggressive on her. I received a message 15 mins after in which she thanked me for the date and that was the last contact we had since.

lessons learned
Apparently, not everyone is open to a kiss on the first date, I will however always plow on towards that moment. Loose is always better than hesitate, I should however build op more tension, create more static in the air.

Inner game report
As said before, I must put a lot more effort in meditating. I have good days and bad days, which translates to hard motivation on good days and self destructive behavior and procrastination on the bad days. Still have a lot to do before I can start controlling my emotions. More on this topic soon. Same goes for other inner game and daygame reports, which has been on pause lately, however I keep on complimenting, smiling and greeting people to remain in a social and friendly state of mind.

Just a random approach:

I saw this young lady sitting at the busstop as I biked past it on my way to the gym. I didnt even think and immediately started talking to her:"Hi, I saw you from over there and I noticed your funny looking pants. They look good on you.", she thanked me and we exchanged a few sentences on the current fashion trend. I noticed she was reading a book, to which I asked what she was reading.

"Nothing good", she said, I laughed and asked if she also reads good books, to which she giggled. She was beatiful, easily a cute HB8,5, and we maintained strong eye contact throughout the conversation. Twice she submissively looked down, and acted as if she wanted to read further.

This made me nervous and I said I wouldnt keep her out of her literature any longer. She thanked me again for the compliment to which I responded with a smile, "it was a well meant one", and she smiled back saying thanks again. And I left.....

Which I shouldnt of, of course, but on the positive side, I approached within 3 seconds and held the frame for both of us till I bailed. I should've disqualified her on her lip piercing or something, maybe verbalise my time constraint of the gym, sat next to her and work towards an #-close.

Anyhow, it was an approach...

Field report Nightgame 1

So, in congruence with my goals of being a social dominator I decided to go out more. During the winter, I regularly went out to the town to approach HBs alone. This is because I have very small social circle, and decided I needed a change. I went out to open sets and hopefully either:
1. make new friends
2. close HBs

I ended up opening a handful of sets, but mostly drinking and smoking away the night. To change that I stopped drinking, ad since then I have drunk on a handful of occasions.

However, I must have goals and a plan to achieve them. So I decided to give nightgame another try. I went out last night and took a friend with me who I’m trying to get onboard of my journey towards becoming the man. I went with the car as that helps me control drinking as I am the designated driver.

We visited 4 bars, the first one was pretty busy and I noticed a lot of girls, but nothing that really caught my attention. I did notice that a few HBs gave me a glance, no IOIs though. Maybe I didn’t see them or they just weren’t there. However, people do see me and my boy, as we are tall and both fairly good looking. Especially my boy, he looks like a god (blond hair, blue eyes, nice face, and the body of a professional athlete), but his BL is soooo beta, so it doesn’t really help him that much. We left that spot after one drink.

Second bar, we had a beer, no HBs that were available, there were 2 that were there with their dates. We both conversated with a guy at the door while smoking. While we stood there, there came a 2 set of HB 7,5s hat were doubting whether to enter or not. So they stood there talking in a foreign language to eachother walking away for two steps and then walking back towards the door. I thought to myself if they come one step closer, I invite them in and tell them its ten euro’s a person to get in (just being c/f and acting like a bouncer) to open them. They didn’t, and I didn’t say a word either, and they left. Missed chance, I should’ve taken action. That’s something to put on the foreground of my thoughts more, 3 sec rule and just go, better be blown off than not try.

Third bar, very crowded, and as I stand at the bar behind a lot of people pushing to order, the bartenders see me. I salute and give them the thumbs up and loudly command my order so that they hear me through the crowd. People turn around and look at me, I look a them all, one by one, smiling and keeping strong eye contact and they all look away(is this DHV that I get served or are they just annoyed I get served first while standing at the back?). I think my alpha personality is manifesting, or they all just hate on me for being the man that has the balls to command attention.

Anyway, after I order, we go upstairs, I occasionally greet gilrs, smile at guys and make strong eyecontact. The funny thing is 99 out of 100 guys look away from me, except an occasional toughguy, but hey, there’s always a bigger dog right? The Spanish kid (I refer to him as J from now on) from last week texts me, saying to pass by the bar. We walk past a 3 set that were having a convo, again, I couldn’t muster the courage to open, lost chance no. 2.

When we were almost at the bar, another chance to open a cute 2 set that I didn’t take, damn, I really need to TAKE ACTION!

So, we go to him, there was a last couple sitting there to eat and just finishing up. I greet them and greet J and introduce him to my boy. We shoot the shit, have a drink and the last couple leaves. We are joined by a HB6 that obviously works there and shows up out of nowhere. I ask where shes from, she replies Eastern Europe and I make her guess where I’m from. She says “Germany”, to which I give her a little bit of shit (in a c/f way) and neg her starting a convo with J. Later, the owner passes and I reach out to shake his hand. I introduce myself and my boy, as I say I enjoy his bar and his employees. We talk a while, he offers us drinks that we don’t accept as we are about to leave. After I tell him goodbye I say bye to the girl, and tell her it was nice to meet her. She says “Are you sure, you seemed a bit irritated just now about me saying you must be German”, to which I laugh and say I was playing. I say “Well it was good meeting you, but you are right, I’m not sure if you are a nice person. You know what nice people do? They introduce themselves.”, to which I extend my hand to shake hers and introduce myself. Her name is A, and she laughs as I introduce her to my boy and ask her if she wants to join us. She declined, but I felt a sort of connection.
Anyway, we leave to a party of J’s friends, where I meet his GF and a few friends. There was only one cute girl, an HB6,5 from Turkey. I introduce myself to everyone. The HB wasn’t there, she was in another room, so I walk over and introduce myself to the three people there. I quickly understood she was married and had two kids, so after exchanging some convo I ejected and joined the rest. We had some fun, I had some nice convos and then left with my boy.

Lessons learned
3 sec rule, I must stick to it, FUCK THE CONSEQUENCES….
I obviously attract attention, so I am manifesting my dominant persona, now I need more balls to just approach these girls!
I am social, and likeable, but sometimes, I think of my ex and slip into a needy insecure pose. I need some way to shake it off.

Inner game Report
I am trying to smoke less, through meditating and getting comfortable with the urge of lighting one. Also, for the last week I have been working out every other day, after I write this I will go to the gym again. I am eating better (less junk food) and talking my vitamins. I take cold showers every morning to start up, but all of this is superficial. I need to tackle my neediness and my frustrations so I can transition into a mindstate of confidence and abundance.

Goals, goals, goals, I need to formulate my goals....

I haven’t heard anything from my date than a text yesterday morning saying hi. I have tried to call twice, I will not initiate contact today, lets see what happens. Anybody got any advice on this?

Field report Daygame 5

Back on the prowl today, I had a 4 hour daygame session. Unfortunately no closes but as stated before, that's not the point SPAM. The point is to become comfortable approaching, my MO has become either a compliment opener or a situational opener and from then on try to manifest the transition.

1. I was on the phone as a blonde HB7 crossed the street. I noticed her shoes first (automatically the opener was delivered) and she had headphones in. So I collected my courage and went to her, walked behind her and swiftly next to her as I stopped using my index and middlefinger to take hold of her arm. I motioned her to take out the headphones which she automatically did. I told her I liked her shoes and they reminded me of a certain brand. She told me the actual brand and we exchanged three sentences and I ejected.
2. I saw a two set that I had eyecontact with one of the girls. An HB& with clear eyes and dark hair, so as we had eyecontact I approached her. I saw she broke ec as soon as I approached, but I proceeded and asked if she spoke dutch, which she did. I told her she has beautiful eyes and that it has a nice contrast with her dark hair. She thanked me a bit surprised and walked away.
3. On my way home I saw this petit girl locking her bike. She was beautifully dressed and had ver elegant stockings on. Again, I stood infront of her and said:"I'm sorry to disturb you, I was walking from over there and noticed you look particularly well dressed, I beleive you have good sense of style.". She smiled and thanked me and I ejected.

There were two more occasions that I let slip by. As mentioned before, I m pretty picky about the ladies I like, I wont just approach for the sake of approaching, I want to be physically or mentally aroused by the target. I'm glad I didnt let the day go to waste, but next time, I must push even further, there is always a missed opportunity. This tells me I must keep on ploughing and enjoying myself in the process. The occasiosn were an asian HB8 that was strollign with what looked to be her parents which strengthened my AA. She did look at me when I made ec but didnt smile back. The other was an older HB7,5 that wore a blue dress that looked great, we made ec but she didnt smile either. Maybe I'm a bit too manly in my look and but people on their guard, anybody else have that?

lessons learned
Not 5 approaches, eventhough I had all the time, but finding suitable targets is hard. I did go out with a reason and bought a kickass shirt, with a very low neck. I am getting tanned and Im sure it will look good on me. So I had a plan instead of strolling around aimlessly.
I know by now my ec is solid. I think I have to deliver the opener with more conviction as sometimes I seem to hesitate which seriously damages momentum. So from now on, better smile and harder opening. I have to open as if we (the HB and me) are the only two people in the street and she must be swept away by the masculinity and the fearlessness of the delivery.

Inner game Report
One itis is suphocating me. I read in Stormy's epic post that therapy is a viable option to get your shit together, so next week I am seeing a therapist. Also the meditation is almost daily, but very difficult to focus on nothing. I am the type of guy that has all these thoughts running through his head and I keep playing the movie of me and my ex gf in my head. I am working on my goals and will post that once I finish my first full Inner game evaluation.