Hi guys,

I've been studying pick up for a year and a half now since divorcing my wife whom I was married to for 6 years, I was never good with women and I've had ongoing issues with actually approaching women. I've read various PUA material. I see the woman I like I go to approach and some massive negative energy stops me like I don't know what to say to a woman to keep her interested apart from the opener.

I need somebody from Melbourne Australia who's really experienced with women to to contact me so I can meet up and hopefully take me under your wings and free me of this frustration I experience on a day to day basis. I'm struggling to do it on my own

By the way I'm 33 years old.

Let me say I've been going to nightclubs almost every weekend but last night I was alone dancing having an awesome time, not looking to score, trying not to be needy. It was the first time I had 4 girls come rub themselves up against me whilst dancing. I felt powerful as a man, it felt so terrific, they took photos of me and them for their Facebook (no doubt) noting me as a "random guy". I had my camera but too nervous to take it out of my pocket so I could have my own memory of the night!

It lasted for about a minute, I was smiling they were looking at me, it was crowded, they were really rubbing up hard against me, then they left and said thanks and bye. I didn't react needy or anything just continued to dance but I don't know where I went wrong???? Why didn't they keep dancing with me? Maybe I was smiling too much? I didn't grab any of them to show I was desperate. Maybe I didn't know what to do how to escalate it to work in my advantage.

I've had cases where two girls would come and rub up against me but never 4 girls!

I know Mystery says you gotta focus on Group Theory but I'm petrified to approach one woman let alone 2 or more. I feel I need to get confident with one woman first before I move on to multiple women.

Let me say I have severe Inner game issues that I can't seem to fix. I've read David DeAngelo's stuff and many other pua's material but my brain just won't let the new way of thinking sink in and override my current programming which is getting me nowhere.

I know I've rambled but please understand I really am a nervous person as much as I hate it I'm struggling to overcome it and it's killing me.

I need help, please :\

Oh and by the way I tried to tease them about taking the photos by saying "hey I don't take photos for free, it's gonna cost you" and that got them smiling, not sure if it was a good enough tease or not.

One technique I use for developing new material is to try it on targets I dont want: old women.

It's perfect! They're way easier to talk to and inclined to respond favorably...so it's a great confidence booster. Just make sure its in a place where you have an escape route, they can get real clingy real fast.

Hi johnnym, thanks for your tip, I appreciate it.

I would suggest looking into NATURAL GAME. Mystery and the other guys are so successful with their material because of their experiences throughout life. All the techniques and routines should come later, if you even want or need them. Otherwise you will be just going through all these "technique"'s without any inner game- and it will show. Girls are pretty good at recognizing when a guy is just going through the lines, as opposed to naturally building a rapport and connection. I.E: Natural Game

*One other comment.. change your username. Having a positive attitude is crucial, and it starts with representing yourself with who you are, and rather want to be. It's psychology.. your demeanor and confidence will be reflected by it.

You did it exactly right without even realizing it. You weren't looking to hook up, you weren't out for girls. You could easily not go home with a single girl and feel fine about it. You were there for you. That attitude is what got them interested to begin with. Now all you need to do is go into every set with that attitude. I've been at it about two years and I still get butterflies at the approach. The thing to do is not to get rid of that, bc it's not going to happen. The thing to do is learn to deal with it effectively. Once you're in, you get that "king of the world" feeling you were talking about and it's smooth sailing. Remember that you are the most important person in that room, and don't be afraid of them turning you down. After all, THEY'RE the ones losing out on the best night of their life, you can just turn around and choose someone else to give it to.

Also, love the old lady idea!! Good thinking!!

_________________
-Breeze

Hey zman, thanks for your tip about natural game. I've found I've had problems with it in a loud nightclub environment where it's so noisy I can't hear myself talk so I'm relying on sexy dance moves to get attention from the ladies.

Last night I've made (what I believe are major steps) by moving around and dancing with different sets on the dance floor. I feel comfortable dancing with a mixed set of guys and girls focusing attention on everybody individually (as opposed to solely the target) with my hand movements. Previously I couldn't do this.

I still struggle to go up to 2 set in a nightclub and dance with them. I feel nervous or a even a set with only girls.

I also usually don't drink or take drugs, being a musician I have a natural feeling to music, feeling the beat and moving my body accordingly so I get a natural adrenaline rush because of this meaning I can just get up and dance. I don't stand around the edges and watch. I go up, don't give a shit about what people think about my dance and just dance for the sake of dancing.

But last night I drank a glass of red wine with 14% alcohol concentration and this helped numb a lot of anxiety and nervousness. As a result I was able to go to more sets and dance around. Problem for me I want natural confidence from my own accord not confidence via a drug or alcohol. I suppose a crutch like alcohol might help for the time being.

Breezey: yes you're right about everything except the old lady idea is credited to johnnym

Also I've been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder which explains to me why I'm constantly nervous/anxious around people in general. I never knew this until my psychiatrist advised me. I've been experiencing this for more than 10 years without ever even realising it. I thought that feeling in my stomach was normal. Hence I did an experiment as I realised with no alcohol I had no success with women so I bought a glass of red wine which obviously numbed the anxiousness/nervousness that I normally feel which allowed me to approach more people in general not just women.

I also was watching an Indian guy go around to every single set, get rejected almost every time, in some cases they were shooing him away. I felt for him but also admired him for his confidence.

Other thing which made me jealous, two girls walked in (blonde & brunette), I fancied the brunette, they walked past me and these two guys swooped. In 5 minutes they were kissing these chicks, touching them, got their numbers, then sitting again kissing (mainly) and the guy had his hand between the blondes legs.

Seeing that confidence made me down in terms of "when can I do that?" way.

Ok folks so an update from me.

Here are things that I've done/has happend:

1) Since the beginning of March I've joined a gym and am going 4 days a week to build up muscle

2) I've had a gig with my band, men and women were there but I felt anxiety and found it hard to attract a woman. I did see a woman I hadn't seen in more than 10 years. I believe she's into me but I'm not into her.

3) I've recently turned 34 11 days ago!

4) Within the first month of gym some women in the clubs when dancing near me pointed at my arms and smiled. I tensed them and felt great! Of all the PUA's none of them mention to get into good body shape and build muscle. Bigger muscles attract women I've got no doubt in my mind, I just wish I joined the gym just after I finished with my ex instead of solely relying on PUAs who focus on confidence, attitude, body language, inner game and character. This stuff is important, no doubt, but being in good shape is also important. Females are attracted physically to men just as much as we are to woman's looks. I didn't realise this until recently.

5) Also tonight I went out to the nightclub I attend and after two months of gym my muscles are looking bigger and you wouldn't believe what happened to me. For most of the night I was just dancing doing my thing, noticed some women/girls I liked but as usual I just couldn't approach them. I simply don't know what to talk about so I didn't approach!! Being a loud club makes it even harder cos I can barely hear myself!

However!! Towards the end of the night (I arrived home at 5:30am) this would have been around 4 to 4:30am ish, I'm standing watching the dance floor (I was tired from the many hours of dancing) so a blonde chick stands close to where I'm standing, I notice her but I couldn't approach her!! Frustrating!! BUT BUT!! I walk away to get a drink of water at the bar (I was at the club alone - as usual - so couldn't drink a lot), within 2 minutes she approaches me, proceeds to show her wallet filled with credit cards and various other cards asking me to buy her a drink as she doesn't have any notes to pay only cards. I tell her what have you done to earn this drink? She's answers and says you're cheap! I'm thinking no way am I gonna just buy a complete stranger a drink just out of the blue. So within about 3 minutes she walks back and offers me casino chips!! I go I don't gamble sorry! (and I don't). I go look around and say "there are so many other guys here who can buy you a drink" (in other words be the fool who'll just continue to buy her whatever she wants but get no pussy in return!). So I guess that was pretty big for me having a woman approach me as I couldn't approach her.

Then about 5 minutes later a tallish brunette comes up to get a drink adjacent to where I'm standing at the bar. I'm sipping my water, I look at her, we connect eyes and smile then (as usual - I didn't know what to say) so just looked around when she calls me over, we tell each other our names and asks me how much a smirnoff drink costs, I tell her (she kisses me on the side of my forehead - I make no deal of it as though nothing happend but inside I'm like YES!), she asks what I'm having to drink, I go, I'm driving so water (which was free), I ask her who she's with (she says with friiends), she goes she needs $2 to buy a drink I go ok, give her $5 she gives me the change (she kisses me on the side of my forehead again!) and then says she'll be back at the club next Friday night and wanted to see me again, I'm like ok sure (she kisses me on the side of my forehead for a third time!). I felt really awesome at the time but then kicked myself for not getting her email address or mobile number.

So yeah in summary spending time in the gym is helping me mentally and physically. Women are noticing it too and as my muscles get bigger they are more likely to approach me but what I want is to approach them, especially women I like but this my friends is still an ongoing issue. I just feel like I have no plan and that comes across in everything I do.

So very slow progress is being made, I still wish I had somebody to take my under their wings and help me fix my issues!

Ok, thanks man I will message a mod to have this thread relocated.